Why won't my baby sleep?

[MatriarchMommy]

My ds is 6 months old and will not sleep!

I used a sleep talking app to record how many times he wakes up in the night as i am more exhausted than i have ever been in my life. I have used it for 6 nights, listened back this morning and worked out that over 6 nights i have had less than 14 hours sleep. I need to sleep, i feel sick, shaky an my head is buzzing iyswim.

I have tried everything i can think of, his cot, my bed, dry nappies, more milk, teething gel, reflux pillows, sleeping sling thing, white noise all night... He gets about 2 hours in the day broken into 3 naps, even then i rarely get to sleep as i also have a boisterous 6yo.

In last nights recording i heard myself telling him to just fuck off. I feel so rubbish ð???

[Magicstars]

Oh dear, that sounds horribly difficult. Do you have anyone who can share the get-ups? Or help out just one night?
Might sound obvious but what about his body temp? Could he be too warm or cold? I've tried dd in a cosy fleece sleep suit in recent weeks which she seems to be really cosy in. Can you try warming his cot with a hot water bottle before he goes to bed?
It's worth taking him to the GP to get checked out for ear infections etc?

[nosleeptillbedtime]

I used a method where you sit by the cot ( in his own room) whilst baby settles self to sleep. It worked for us as he just needed to learn how to get himself to sleep rather than relying on us helping him. Our ds too was having three short naps in the day. I think they were short as he couldn't get self back to sleep when he entered a light sleep cycle so woke up.

[nosleeptillbedtime]

Ps our son too was waking through the night, 5 to 7 times so maybe your ds too just needs to be left alone to get self to sleep? Sitting by the cot or so he knew he wasn't alone was gentler than leaving him by himself.

[MatriarchMommy]

Thank you for replying, he sleeps in a vest, baby gro and sometimes a baby sleeping bag, my house is between 18-19 temp wise. He doesnt feel too warm or cold, he moves about a lot in his 'sleep' an swaddling seems to work in the day but i'm frightened to do it at night in case he gets too hot, an as he moves he can get free so might he end up with the blanket over his face?
I've tried leaving him alone or just putting my hand on his tummy but he just screams, and controlled crying ( even though i don't like it ) doesn't seem to work, he just doesnt stop.

My mum isn't the type of mother who would have him over night, or for a few hours, his paternal nan looked after him for 2 hours a few weeks ago but said never again as all he did was cry.
His auntie had him overnight for me a few times, i've mentioned her having him again for me at some point but nothing ever comes of it. I think his awful sleeping has put her off.

Ds's father lives with us, he sleeps in a separate room from us so he can 'get some sleep'. He has done since he was born, as awful as it sounds, he doesn't care, he doesn't feel guilty. He doesn't work, although he has had a few night shifts the last few days, he starts at 4am, comes home at 11am an goes to bed at 1pm.
He does the bare minimum.

I know i would never hurt my ds, i have had to lock myself in the bathroom and turn all the taps on to calm myself down more than once.
I go back to work in 6 weeks, i don't know how i'll cope. I feel so alone and desperate.

[HandragsNGladbags]

You poor thing. Can you co-sleep? Is he hungry, will he feed to sleep?

[Space2000]

Could it be linked to the weaning stage? Is he hungry? Digesting new foods if you have started weaning?
I feel for you, lack of sleep is so tough.

[Sunnysummer]

Has he ever slept? I really feel for you, DS was similarly rubbish and made 1.5 hours straight for the first time ever at 8 months - people who haven't been there just can't understand the exhaustion, no matter how nice they are. I can't even imagine dealing with it and a 6 year old too, and what sounds like a rubbish support network, you really are a supermum

In our case it's extended reflux, but it can be worth pushing to get an evaluation for apnoea - does he snore? We didn't have any luck with most sleep books and even with professional 'baby whisperers' who came to stay at great expense and did naff all. The best tool we had was the No Cry Sleep Solution, and time. Have you tried any supervised settling / gentler controlled crying methods? I appreciate that they are not seen as ideal on here but there comes a point when any risks from that is clearly outweighed by the benefits of a functioning family - though it also doesn't work for everyone (it didn't for us, when we finally went against our hippy instincts and gave it a shot with one of the baby whisperers).

That's all longer term though - and it sounds like you really need some support in the short term. 14 hours is not safe for you, let alone your DCs. Even if you have to do the nights, your partner or your aunt (or a friend, perhaps?) can take them for periods during the day, or at least take the 6 year old so that you can sleep when the baby sleeps. My DH also sleeps separately and doesn't do nights, but he now takes DS for an hour to 2 hours in the morning (depending on when the baby wakes) until he goes to work, it means I get at least a small chunk of proper sleep and it's good for them too. With your partner not working, he should be able to do lots more than he is

If one of them doesn't step up, you'll all be in trouble - for us it took a car accident (luckily with no baby inside) to get my DH and family involved properly. It's amazing that you are coping so far, but you need a break for all of your sakes. If no one steps up and you have any spare cash at all, a morning of a nanny or a mothers help might just give you the little extra rest you need to make a proper plan. Really hope it works out.

[nosleeptillbedtime]

I'm sorry your family aren't more supportive. Your dp is being an absolute arse. Would he step up to the plate if you told him he had too?

[Magicstars]

His dad needs to step-up and help, he's being selfish. Have you told him how much you are struggling? If he doesn't care enough to help, then I would be recommending that he finds somewhere else to live (are you separated?).
At 18 deg my dd likes to sleep in her warmer PJs. She is in the same as your LO at around 20-21 deg. I know those aren't the recommended guidelines, but she was waking a night, as must have been chilly. Does he use a sleeping bag? If so, could you go up a tog?
I would really encourage you to take him for a check up at the GP. Just explain that he's waking continually through the night, you are struggling and you'd like to make sure it's not because he's in pain.
Have you tried calpol incase it is his teeth or something?
When dd has a nasty cold, we find piriton helps her sleep brilliantly.

[pricklyPea]

You poor thing. I echo what others say about getting your dh to help. He seriously can't just leave you to it. Don't feel bad about swearing, sometimes when exhaustion takes over you aren't thinking straight and need a rant.

I fear I live too far away from you but I would have helped give you a break.

Try a bit warmer room perhaps and I try and get dc to eat a lot before bed I.e cluster feed. I also cut back the last nap and try to wear dc out before bed, it's not ideal but dc doesn't sleep unless knackered.

Pm me anytime if you are upset as I am awake uk nights.

Hope it goes better tonight