3 year old asking if mummy and daddy will die

[Michaelangelo]

My 3 1/2 year old DS asked his dad last night if mummy and daddy would die.. Not sure what prompted this and not surprsingly DH was bit taken aback. We don't want to lie so he said that everone dies one day but not till they are very old and he (DS) would be grown up by then as he seemed to be worried that there would be no one to look after him. Anyone any suggestions on how to deal with thsi one should he ask again?

[FairyMum]

Oh no. A difficult one. I have had that question so many times too and especially my DS1 who is now nearly 5 has been worried about people dying for a while now. I think you are right. You have to be honest otherwise they will soon find out they cannot trust you and get more insecure and frightened. I think there are some good books on the subject if you search on Amazon. I was thinking of doing a search actually.

[Michaelangelo]

Good idea I'll have a look might see if thy have any others on difficult subjects too to be prepared.

[NotQuiteCockney]

My DS1 went through this phase at about 4, I think. It's pretty normal. We found that being calm about it seemed to work. He didn't seem worried, though, which probably helped ...

[Blu]

DS had a phase of asking about this at the same age. I was very low-key and matter of fact about it, said there was a time before we were born when we weren't alive, then we were alive, and then there was a time after that when we were not alive any more.
He wanted to know if I would still love him after I died, and I said he would always know in his heart how much I loved him, and that would stay in his heart as long as he was alive.

I think don't say anything you don't believe, and don't ever say 'going to sleep' if you want them to feel happy going to bed at night!

[TwinsetandPearls]

My dd is frequently asking me if I am going to die, usually because I am wearing something she likes, today she asked for my shoes - she is 4

[nicnack2]

blu what a lovely way of dealing with the question.

[doobydoo]

How lovely Blu.DS went through this too..and after explaining it all in simplish terms he turned round and said 'oh i'm fine now.May i have a winder and a kitkat'..talk about seizing the opportunityHe has mentioned it on and off since he was about 4.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Blu, that's a lovely way to look at it, I will try that one, the next time it comes up.

We had a lot of arguments when DS1 was insisting that people come back to life after they're dead, and me saying, well, no, not really. Serves me right for sending him to an Xian school, I guess.

[Michaelangelo]

Thanks Blu that sounds a really nice way to explain it I'll keep it ready for next time.

[Martini]

I have told my DS that we will all die, usually not until we are v old etc. When he asked what happens when we die I told him that no one really knows but different people believe different things e.g. go to heaven, be reincarnated as something else, do nothing.

He seemed happy with that and we discussed what we would like to be reincarnated as for a while. He's 4.