How worried should I be?

[mowmi]

My 3.5 year old is really playing up at nursery. He's been described as challenging by the team! They asked if I would support them getting the early years team involved, I met with them today and to say I'm upset is a massive understatement :(

Notes that's were made during the observation include:
The children lined up, DS took himself away
Chewing a rubber block ?
Let all the other children up the stairs - encouraged each one to go before him "off you go"
Struggled during a peg dolly activity, didn't understand that the glue needed to dry, got upset 3 times
Kicked off because the adult turned the tap off when he wanted to do it
Lined up up his bread and cheese, sat away from the other children.

I'm of course only focusing on the negatives but all this was observed in 45 mins!

His key worker told the assessor he has tantrums (lashes out, bites etc)
Only has 2/3 friends and struggles in large groups
Sometimes dribbles and sometimes his speech is unclear (this was a real shock to me)
Shows some repetitive behaviour

I feel like I've gone from thinking my son is a bit naughty but bright, funny and loving to on his way to some sort of label?

When I told my friends he was being assessed they were all pretty incredulous "he's one of the easy ones"
Don't get me wrong he can be really challenging, I'd describe him has 90% brilliant 10% absolute monkey!

He plays nicely with friends children, is bright, has a good vocabulary, is very cheeky and funny, very clingy to me, toilet trained + dry at night....

Anyone have any ideas or comments to calm me down.. :(

[Fishandjam]

I think your nursery are overreacting a little bit. Your DS sounds like mine (apart from the toilet training - mine's 3y 7mo and nowhere near ) and he's entirely neurotypical as far as we can tell. Just very bright, somewhat reserved, not a joiner-inner, and stubborn as a mule.

Sorry I don't have time for a long post now, but try Googling "highly sensitive child". It rang bells re your post!

[Fishandjam]

Oh, and I should say that my DS's nursery think he's great and they've reassured me that they have no worries.

[mowmi]

Thank you, that's how I feel deep down but I'm sat here obsessing about what the"experts" have noted about him.
Will google it now!

[Fishandjam]

I know what you mean - I've worried like hell about DS. But everyone else is chilled about him so I think I need to be. Try not to worry. (And are they really experts? Like, really? Or do they just not want to deal with a child who's brighter than the average?)

[mowmi]

Thanks Fishandjam, appreciate your time
Anyone else have any opinions?

[ThatsSoVanquish]

Apart from the lashing out I don't really see the problem.

My DD is 2 but from other children I know nothing springs out as very odd. What's your instinct? Does he seem OK to you?

[ThatsSoVanquish]

Also I am a speech & language therapist (not with kids though but did paediatric training). All children have unclear speech at 3.5! They don't have all their sounds yet. So I think you would need them to be more specific eg is he shy and mumbling, impossible to understand?

[mowmi]

My gut feel is he is being difficult in that environment, don't get me wrong he does have meltdowns but he's as socially as I need him to be, I don't alter our interactions with friends, eating out, shopping, camping, hotels, parties, etc to suit him at all, he just gets on with it, he's independent will join in with other kids if he wants to (I've never been worried about him not interacting enough? He goes to Rugby tots and runs around with the other boys, I'm rambling! Bottom line is he prefers to be with me, asks if it's a 'mummy and DS day' also his father and I have been living seperately in the same house for a year and I suppose I'm being massively naive hoping this has nothing to do with that :( He's going to be leaving soon so I suppose I need to prepare my self to support him as much as I can.
I also think he's in a bit of a transision phase at nursery too, the older boys in his room (are about to go to school) are in to Ben 10 etc whilst he is in to Cbebbies etc...
I've an appointment with my GP re his hearing next week. When I questioned them about the dribbling and clear speach they said it is mostly when he is in tanrum mode? I will ask them to be more specific like you say ThatsSO
Thanks all really do appreciate you all taking your time to post.

[ladypop]

don't have time to properly post, but from the list you gave us I can't really see what the problem is. Obvs biting etc isn't great so it would be good to address that, but really he sounds pretty normal....whatever that is!? X

[mowmi]

Thanks everyone, I'm going to forget everything else and concentrate on the bitting and lashing out.
Will update you all, thanks for all the reassurance.

[Fishandjam]

If yous DS is anything like mine, he bites/lashes out when he is being thwarted in something and he doesn't understand why. It's not a malicious act, it's just him acting out frustration. It's really helped us to see it as that, rather than any latent thuggery on his part . Our DS is also a lot better now that we empathise with him ("I understand how cross you were when Child X scribbled on your drawing, but you mustn't hit when you're cross, you tell a teacher or mummy/daddy", etc) rather than just tearing a strip off him!