Gaining confidence in the big, wide world.

[honeybunny]

I'm sure this is just an age thing and will improve with time and confidence, but does anyone have any advise to offer on how to encourage my ds, now 15months old that walking along a (quiet, country)pavement is ok. ds has been walking since just after his first birthday, but confidently since about 13 months. He loves pottering around the enclosed playground, and even in enclosed shopping centres or large warehousey type shops, (Homebase/Sainsbury's etc) but as soon as we leave the confines of the enclosed space, he sits down, drops his head to the floor and thinks about (sometimes does)crying. I distracted him for about 100yds today by gettting him to push his pram, but once he twigged that the playground fence was now far behind he just pointed to his pram, asking to get in. And, no, I don't think he was particularly tired. I don't want to push him if he's not ready, but wonder when he's going to take that next step.
Please, no comments about how big the world must seem to a child of only 15months, everyone moving so fast around him, it must be really daunting etc etc, I am aware of that, but wonder what other people have done to encourage more confidence in their off spring.

[soothepoo]

Honeybunny - can't offer any advice, I'm afraid, but my dd was/is exactly the same. She would walk for ages (for her!) in a shopping centre or large store, but 10 paces into a trip to the local shop, up would come the arms for me to carry her. She even wanted me to carry her when we were in the garden! I suppose all the hustle and bustle and interesting things in busy places takes their mind off what must be for them quite a tiring activity. Also, would you walk anywhere if someone was always following you in a comfy car? One thing I did think of was that being in a pram/buggy must be like wearing blinkers, so for short trips we now take a trike. That way, if she needs a break from walking, she's still in touch with everything that's going on around her (although she still falls asleep on the trike!)
DD is now 18 months and enjoys walking more and more, so don't be disheartened by his apparent lack of interest at the moment!

[Enid]

Honeybunny (hello!), I'm sure the weather doesn't help. Dd (as you know!) is a very keen walker, but even she doesn't want to go anywhere at the moment, too windy and rainy!

[TigerMoth1]

Honeybunny, could it be your ds has made a commection between big, fast,loud cars and roads? That might be why he's reluctant to walk by himself on a pavement. Not a matter of confidence, just the beginning of a sense of danger. You might be very grateful for that later on!

You say the pavement is quiet, but he's not to know that. Do you hold his hand when he's walking or have reins, or expect him walk alone?

I'm sure you're judged the pavement to be safe, but at 15 months, IMO, he's on the young side to be expected to walk along a road for a reason, rather than walking for fun and play. His confidence in his walking ability will grow, if that's the issue, just by taking him to the playground.

Why not just let him go at his own pace (sorry for the pun) and stick him in the pushchair for now?

[SueDonim]

I agree with Tigermoth, 15 mths is very young to just be walking without a purpose. You don't say what sort of pram he has but maybe a forward facing position would help get him used to seeing the road, and then he'll gradually start wanting to be out there himself, playing in ditches, picking up used chewing gum - the lot!! Or maybe a backpack would help, again so he can get a good view.

[honeybunny]

We are talking country side with a capital C, mud, horse-s*, grass growing up the middle of the track, the lot. DS knows exactly what fast, busy cars are, we used to live in London, until very recently. We used a backpack from the age of 6months around busy London streets and a bit here for long walks. He has a forward facing pram, and has been in that since about 6months, and yes, I hold his hand to encourage him and offer security, doh!! he is only 15months after all. No, I don't expect him to be walking like he's done it all his life, I just wondered if there was any way to encourage him and help improve his confidence, beyond the simple things we are already doing. Hand holding between me and dh, aiming to walk to the playground once its in view and there's a purpose for going on, picking him up and giving him a big congrats on what he's achieved, or putting him back in his pram if he's not keen. Please credit me with some intelligence here!

[callie]

Honneybunny. You have answered your own question so why ask for advice?
It would have been polite of you to thank the ladies here for trying to HELP you. Don't you think?

[jasper]

honeybunny I have just realised my own ds did exactly this at about the same age, althought it had not actually occured to me before.
WhenI attenpted to go on a "nice walk" along the track from the house (no cars, just grass, horses,cows, sh*t as you describe)he seemed to lose the ability/desire to walk. And if he did walk a few hundred yards ( took half an hour) would get hysterical on the return leg and I would have no option but to lift him , so I gave up.
Contrary thing that he is, he would struggle to get down out the supermarket trolley to walk.
No solution I'm afraid, just recognition of the same problem. I have not tried taking him for a walk for a while ( he's about 30 months) so don't know if he has grown out of it or not.
Maybe he's just a city boy!

[Rioja]

honeybunny, I know about the walking thing, its frustrating isn't it! This isn't going to help but...my son is now 4 and has only recently started to enjoy walking. He has always enjoyed the playground, climbing etc but never used to walk anywhere, always wanted to be in his buggy or trolley at the supermarket. He just never saw the point of walking for walkings sake. Going for walks with other children was always a bit embarrassing as he would dawdle and cry and beg for his buggy while it seemed the others would stride ahead, looking at wildflowers etc!

He would also want to get in his buggy the minute he stopped playing in the playground. I have to say he is quite lazy (ah, bless him), but recently he has started tearing around like noones business and we can actually go for a walk now. But as I say, he's 4...so the 'laziness' or lack of interest in walking took quite a long time to go! He's always been the kind of child that likes things done for him, not very self-contained and I think the concept of just 'going for a walk' was completely uninteresting, whereas the playground had more of a 'purpose'.

But he's a lovely boy and very kind and helpful (feel a bit mean posting about how lazy he is!). His older sister was the complete opposite and would walk for miles engrossed in everything from a very young age.

HTH and isnt too waffley!

[SueDonim]

Humble, grovelling, snivelling apologies, Honeybunny - please don't hit me. I'm afraid I'll have to blame my post on not having my psychic glasses on, so I couldn't see your DS in his front-facing pushchair, nor in his back pack (not everyone possesses these items, amazingly). Nor was it possible to know that the pavement mentioned was to change mysteriously into a track with horses, mud and grass, later on.

Still, never mind. As with tantrums and most other things concerning the human condition, time will surely provide an answer to your question.

[TigerMoth1]

Rioja, are you sure you're not talking about my oldest son? He was a reluctant walker until the age of 4 as well, only he kept pleading for a piggyback, not the pushchair. Friends used to look agast! My second son, two years old, is far more willing to walk. Both sons had the same amount of encouragement from me, I think.

Honeybunny, Sorry if you found my post off the mark. As with Sudeonim, the word 'pavement' in your first message set me on the wrong track.

I do still believe that at 15 months you can't force the issue too much. You seem to be doing as much as you can - just keep at it. After all, he's only been walking for 3 months. His confidence and leg muscles need time to grow.

[Rioja]

Just another thought, if the track really is a country one, maybe its just too bumpy and wobbly and there are too many changes in texture (is this making sense??) Where as the playground would be smoother. If thats the case then its a matter of confidence, and he'll only get that by being allowed to walk on the surfaces that he likes.

Good luck!

[Bugsy]

I think that toddlers change their minds about what they want to do, as they gain new skills. When my ds first started walking, he wanted to walk everywhere & would squeal indignantly if we carried him or put him in the pushchair. Now, over a year later he will only walk when he wants to. For example, he likes running down hills or towards the play area in the park but he is really not fussed about walking on the pavement to the shops, so he asks to go in his pushchair or be picked up for a carry/cuddle.
I think you have to go with the flow a bit and just accept that all children end up walking everywhere on their own eventually!

[honeybunny]

Rioja- good point about the "surface" issue. He is definitely keener on the squidgey, tarmac stuff they put in playgrounds these days under the swings etc, and less keen on the grass. But until recently we had to walk across a playing field to get to the playground, and he was ok there. Mud, grass and all.
Suedonim-there are pavements on quiet country roads too, and the grass down the middle is simply the self seeded stuff that grows on mud thrown off by the farm traffic, not a mud track but a once tarmaced piece of road, thats why I described it as "quiet, country", but I appreciate your thoughts on the matter, just put my impatience down to hormones-sorry!
Thanks Jasper, Soothepoo and Tigermoth, at least I know that ds isn't alone in his reluctance. Today it was not wanting to get a musical instrument out of the toy box at JoJingles, but thats another matter altogether. Think he's just having an off day.
Y'day afternoon he was happy enough to hold my hand and walk around the garden, and independently to chase our cats! Distraction definitely helps.
Perhaps I'm just hoping that he will get the hang of it before No2 arrives in 2.5months time. Not sure my muscles will cope with one on each hip, but I'm certainly not going to force the issue.

[Rioja]

Dear honeybunny, I think you are being very sensible to say you aren't going to force the issue about your little boy's walking. When your new baby is born it wont really make much difference if your son is walking everywhere - he wont be for a long time (in fact, if he turns out anything like my husband he never will be!). I would say invest in a double buggy or I know some people use buggy boards or sling/buggy combination. I'm sure theres lots on mumsnet about that issue, you've probably already read it, sorry I'm quite new here!

[honeybunny]

Actually Rioja, I hadn't thought that far ahead yet. Do you think at 18months he would cope with a buggyboard? I was thinking more along the lines of a double buggy. Any recommendations on that front? I'd thought too about the sling/buggy combo but am looking an elective CS in the face, breech baby and c-section last time for failed induction, so wasn't going to put all of my eggs in that basket, just in case.
Thanks!

[SueDonim]

Ah, those hormones, Honeybunny! I live in the countryside too, but I was a bit confused about where you were walking. Anyway, that's by-the-by.

If you're thinking of using a buggyboard you might want to look at the ones sold by the Great Little Trading Company . They have a buggy board with a seat (code G1243 £39.99)though I suspect you need arms like a gorilla to be able to reach the buggy! There's also a pushchair trike (code G7373 £99.99)which is a trike with a push handle. And they sell a contraption for carrying older babies, called a Hip Seat Belt (codeG1242 £34.99). It's a support belt with a kind of platform you sit the child on and it relieves strain on the spine, shoulders etc. Not sure how it would work with a CS, though. HTH

[jasper]

Rioja, good point about the road surface.Why didn't I think of that?
Our road has potholes in it which could swallow a two year old.

[honeybunny]

Suedonim-got the Hipseat, its (or was when it still fitted round my middle) excellent. I was thinking that once the tenderness around the incision has gone, it might actually work as a kind of support belt for my back. But we will see! Thanks for the other tips. I'll have a look at my catalogue. It got lost amongst the boxes during our move.

[Cfr]

Honeybunny, I havn't had time to read all this thread, but noticed there was a mention that your son may not like the surface. When one of mine was 2, we visited a new shopping centre with shiny marble floors, and he refused to walk on the shiny parts, and would only walk on the white 'matt' parts. Since they didn't join up, I kept having to carry him across ... he thought the shiny parts were wet and it took about 6 months before he was fully convinced! Needless to say, he's now 5 and walks anywhere!

Also my daughter refused to crawl on grass or sand, which was highly convenient when we were on holiday as we could leave her on the blanket and knew that she wouldn't crawl off.