Advice re: my 5 year old boy

[LeanneBrown]

I've never been on any sites like this before and this is child number four in our house so you'd think I'd be well practiced on parenting by now but I'm tearing my hair out with my youngest!

Over the last year his behaviour is getting worse and worse, he hardly ever does as he's told, has starting soiling himself, is not being nice to other children and is getting in trouble at school.

He's a lively boy who is very loving and I am frustrated as to why he has starting behaving like this as he doesn't get away with anything and get's punished for bad behaviour.

He has slowly lost most of his friends and the school are looking into ADHD but I think they are maybe quick to label?? The teacher openly speak to me about his behaviour in front of the other mums which I don't think has helped with the friendship thing as the other mums now think he's a bad boy.

Any advice as to what to do would be very gratefully accepted as today is one of those days where I'm not dealing with things very well.

Many Thanks

[MadameSin]

at the teacher. You need to have a quiet word with her and ask for that never to happen again .. she can ask to talk to you inside. Have the school referred him to anyone yet? For your child to get a dx of ADHD the issues need to be present in more than 1 place i.e. at school and at home. They also need to have been present for 6 months or more consistently. Does he get any support in the classroom, such as 1-2-1 teaching? He is still very young and docs don't usually like to dx till around 7 years, but if severe they will do earlier. What's he like at home? Sorry, sooo many questions

[LeanneBrown]

thanks so much for replying, I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to. I have great friends and family but weirdly talking to a stranger is so much easier.

I will talk to his teacher, she has been out of order and I dread going up. His behaviour has improved at school but the problem is now that all the kids have labelled him naughty and so have the staff! I think he gets blamed very quickly for things and because he has no friends any attention is good attention I guess?

He is hyper at Beavers and they asked me to go along for a couple of week to see his behaviour but they said he's a different child when I'm around?

As far as I'm aware he doesn't get any extra support in the classroom? I honestly feel like keeping him away from everyone, and having him with me all the time which of course I know is really stupid!
X

[RandomMess]

My 4th is also much more demanding/difficult than my others. I do think there is an element of her needing to marking her position in the family!

Sounds like talking to the teacher in private is a good starting point.

[Pancakeflipper]

Your school should have a SEN leader. Although there is no DX for your son a good SEN leader will listen to you and try to help your son, the staff and you handle the situation. Find out if there is and ask to see them.

The teacher should not speak about your child like this. You should be having private mtgs, even a daily book that you and the teacher write in comments.

Poor you.

[LeanneBrown]

Thank you, it really does help to talk. I will start tomorrow by taking positive steps (instead of drowning). I will talk to the sen and his teacher and start again.

I hope that changing his behaviour at school will encourage friends and positive behaviour

Fingers crossed!

[Smartiepants79]

Teacher should not be discussing these issues in front of anyone. Next time they try say in a firm voice "can we discuss this in private.?" Is it serious enough to request a meeting with the head and the SENCO.?
ADHD is quite a specific type of behaviours, I would have expected you to be seeing them at home as well.
What is his concentration span like? Is very impulsive and appear to lack impulse control - shouting out, running off in dangerous situations, talking incessantly - these are some of the red flags for kids with ADHD that I have taught but there are others.
Is there particular times/placed that he soils himself?
It sounds like he is struggling to know how to get the childrens attention in positive ways and so is acting in ways that he knows will get that attention. What you have said makes it sound like this is new behaviour, has anything changed?

[wafflingworrier]

i have no advice but just want to say i hope it goes well and thanks for posting, try not to be too hard on yourself

[LeanneBrown]

I will definetly be setting up a meeting with the head, his teacher and senco. I have spoken to his teacher lots of times, and I've spoken to the head but I don't feel like be gotten anywhere. They can see that I'm a parent that cares as I've desperately been trying to sort things out.

I haven't noticed any routine on the soiling but I will try and keep a record.

Nothing has changed at home or anywhere else so I can't think while its started?

[lljkk]

Is part of it attention seeking? How does he fit into the family personality wise?

[LeanneBrown]

I have thought about that? He is the youngest. I have two ten year olds, a 7 year old and then my five year old. Apart from the normal sibling falling out there is nothing unusual.

The only thing I thought about was that the other children go to there other parents (we both had children when we met) he is on his own for the weekend and does miss them but he doesn't act up or anything?

[lljkk]

I wonder if you kept a diary if you would notice he produces his worst behaviour for certain situations and never in other situations.

[Smartiepants79]

Is this a change in behaviour or an escalation of behaviour that he was showing previously? Is there any link to him starting school?
These are 2 very different things.
If he has always been like this then there could be an underlying special need.
If not then there may be something that has triggered the behaviour.

[LeanneBrown]

I think it's an escalation? I will keep a diary and keep a closer eye on what's going on at school. He sometimes tells me that the children aren't very nice to him but other times he says nothing.

It's his second year at school, he's an August baby and is very young for his year.

[littlelyon]

I don't know if you will get this but I wanted to say . You are not alone . I and my ds was in the same position and I came on here . Not all support but I Did get some really good advice.
To me it sounds like your son is extremely stressed he also a sounds anxious. He has probably got himself into a situation he can't get out of a cycle of being blamed and being naughty and therefore trying to hard in the wrong way to make friends. My ds started a new school in Jan and it's the best thing I ever did. After a bumpy start he has now made friends as have I. They allow him to be him. Also I am trying to reward good behavior explaining clearly what is expected of him taking the focus of the negative and praising when he does it. I have also got him involved in more exercise to burn excess energy. We play role play exploring different scenarios and emotions. Most importantly when I put him to bed I take the opportunityto talk to him about his day. We still have a couple of issues and we are looking at potentially a mild aspurgers but right at the start of getting a diagnosis. However he is getting gold stars and awards at school frequently and I'm so proud of him.
There is light just be open minded and maybe he is in so deep a new school would provide a fresh start

[girliefriend]

Have you spoken to a G.P about your concerns? Have you had things like his hearing checked? I would also be looking at his diet as some children are very sensitive to food additives/ sweetners.

I think there was some research that fish oils can really help children that have a short attention span.

How is his development otherwise?

Sorry more questions that answers!