Emotional 8 year old daughter.

[AnaE]

Hi all,
Im getting rather worried about my 8 year old daughter as she is becoming increasingly emotional and having mood swings and would like to know if anyone else has experienced this. She has always been sensitive but seems to get upset at least 3 times a week. When I ask her whats wrong she says that she doesnt know. It has been a very difficult few months for us and her younger brother and sister with a separation and a death in the family, I have talked to her on a daily basis to make sure she is ok and told her that she can talk to me whenever she likes. She is putting on lots of weight, has become lazy and has been shouting at me and storming off to her room regularly. She has always been such a loving child but it seems like she is very depressed. I have spoken to her teacher and she says that she is fine at school so now im wondering if its me!
Any advise would be greatfuly received as i want my daughter back!
Thanks
Ana

[bonna]

Hi, I was just flicking through looking for a reply to my own first time message, and your heading just shouted at me. This is my first reply but I thought it just had to be done - It was so uncanny and close to home that I read it out to my Husband and genuinely, he thought that I had written it! It is very very sad to hear of the separation and death and although I know nothing about how this would affect a child, I must say that you are just describing my own child, regardless of all teh extra pressure. When I complained about my loving, young-for-her-age, care-free, happy daughter experiencing bouts of screaming and tears and "I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SO ANGRY AND CRYING!!!", my friend assured me that she had read a book (I can get the title etc if you are interested?) which stated that there are hormones all over the place at various stages of development, and this is the issue. My Daughetr cannot be considered fat, but is taller and bigger than her peers and I have alreday suggested a crop top - I'm wondering if this affects hormones. My own Daughter is very creative and the only tip I can give that works for us is this: firstly, I made a little space in the house that is just for her (ie. in the baby's room away from the room she shares with her younger Bro) and secondly, and really importantly for our own relationship, she writes down anything that she wants to say or ask (but doesn't want to say) and leaves it on my pillow. I then reply in writing and leave it for her however, by the time she's written it she is usually in tears and hugs and I Love You's again. Sometimes I find notes about things eg. periods (because a girl in her class has started) at times when she is not annoyed, and I can just chat to her about it. This method had made a HUGE difference to us. Anyway, regardless of the cause, and wherever we go from here... YOU ARE CERTAINLY NOT ALONE IN 'EMOTIONAL 8 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER'!

[Andro]

Stress + emotional trauma + (quite possibly) hormones would be my guess.

You've already taken an important step by trying to keep the lines of communication open, make sure her boundaries are firmly in place (and respond accordingly to shouting/stomping etc) and have a look at what she's eating/how much exercise she's getting if you're concerned about her weight.

One point to consider is that she maybe doesn't want to burden you with her feelings (whatever you have said), or maybe she's having problems articulating them - sometimes it can be easier for a child to speak to an adult outside of the 'situation'.

[bonna]

Great advice from Andro re. articulating the problem, this really could be the key, or don?t lose sleep, the phase could just simply pass. I'm not so worried about my own because I sincerely believe it's just hormones ? she?s calmed down so much over the last 6 months, but must stress how much more open she has been purely because she knows she can just write her feelings and questions down. Don't get me wrong - we talk all the time and chat about everything, she has always been a lovely girl I am proud of, she is sensible and sensitive with a great sense of humour, we have a wonderful relationship - I have very rarely shouted, she seems far too grown up when she talks to me sometimes, but her written notes show a side that for some reason, she wouldn?t just say out loud. She doesn?t use it every week, but knows it?s ok to leave or give me a written note every now and then, it can be a sort of outlet for her feelings and has actually progressed to her song and poem writing. It's definitely worth just letting her know that anything she feels/wants to say/ask/tell that she wants to write down can be left for you and read by you... whether she wants an answer or not. Otherwise, a diary would be brilliant for her. You wouldn?t read it? honest.

[AnaE]

Hi Guys,
Thanks very much for your responses. Im going to start keeping a note of her outbursts to see if there is possibly a hormone pattern forming, that did cross my mind. I am trying to motivate her as much as possible to be active, as well as trying to have some one on one time with her so she can talk to me or just have some mummy time. It is quite difficult to fit it all in as im newly single and have her brother and sister to care for too. The diary and notes sound like a really good idea, i will try those first.
Thank you for your help!
xxx

[Iwaswatchingthat]

My 8 year old dd went through an awful phase when she turned 8. I would liken it to PMT. You won't be alone in this - must be hormone related. This phase has passed now though.