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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please help am worried about my 3 year olds development..

55 replies

shinybaubles · 22/01/2013 10:18

Ds 2 was 3 in December, and I thought he was all ok...as far as I can tell. We are aware he has some problems with his speech, clarity and pronunciation, and had his ears tested and he needs grommits, these are going in this month. I thought this was all that was wrong with him. But his nursery teacher said he seems young for his age compared to other children, I did try and ask her to be more specific and did she think he had any other problems apart from his speech. I personally think apart from the clarity of his speech, he is ok...but couldn't seem to get a straight answer from her and now I am worried.

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Tee2072 · 22/01/2013 10:20

Until you get something more specific from her or someone else, I'd take it with a grain of salt!

Do try to nail her down. And what ages is she comparing him to? My son's preschool teacher kept saying things like this and every time I would point out that he started school just 3 months after turning 3 so of course he's going to be behind others in his class!

Original poster

shinybaubles · 22/01/2013 10:27

Tree this is the second time I have asked her also spoke to her last week, she just repeats about him seeming young. He started nursery at 2.6 and is in a mixed group with kids up to 4 years old. What are the developmental things I could check? His comprehension is fine, and he strings long sentences together it's just very unclear speech. And now I am panicking that he has some undiagnosed problem.

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WeAreSix · 22/01/2013 10:33

I'd wait until after the grommets are in before you worry. My DD is 5 and has undiagnosed hearing loss for who knows how long, but speech & language delay picked up at 2yo.

I would ask nursery to consider how it feels to not be able to hear properly, to not fully understand what others are saying or to make yourself fully understood and bearing this is mind, where would they expect his development to be?

You have to ask her to clarify what she means and back this up with assessment of his behaviour and development. Also ask how they intend to support and nurture his development.

Tee2072 · 22/01/2013 10:41

Stop asking and demand "In what specific ways is he behind his peers? What age are these peers? What do you think he should be doing."

And if she can't answer, ignore her. She's talking out of her ass. "Seems young" is not a developmental issue. It's an age issue. Compared to a 4 year old, he is young!

TantrumsandBananas · 22/01/2013 10:41

I agree with what WeAreSix says.

Original poster

shinybaubles · 22/01/2013 10:44

I honestly don't think I am going to get any further with her she keeps repeating he seems young for his age developmentally... Is there any list anywhere I can check on what he should he at 3? I seem to be unreasonably worried but can't help the way I feel..

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orangepudding · 22/01/2013 10:49

This may help

orangepudding · 22/01/2013 10:53

Have just read the article properly. My son is four and can't do a couple of the milestones. He doesn't have difficulties with anything in the last list which probably is the most important one.
My son also has similar speech difficulties to yours.

Original poster

shinybaubles · 22/01/2013 10:55

Thanks for the link orangepudding. So I have had a check, and he has trouble with speech (clarity and pronouncitation), drools a fair bit.
He can do everythign else, not writing letters yet but can draw circles and lines, is beginging to count etc...and can do all the rest, he is not the best on stairs going up is ok down, he is a bit nervous about but then again we live in a bungalow.

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hazeyjane · 22/01/2013 10:57

This is a developmental chart that is used when a scedule of growing skills is done. But remember that there is a big window of development, so look at the 2-3 range as well, if your ds is just 3.

I agree with others though, that you need to firmly ask the nursery teacher if she has specific concerns about his development, apart from his speech which you are addressing.

Original poster

shinybaubles · 22/01/2013 10:57

Looking at that list he can do most of it already and he is just 3. Either I am missing something obvious or the nursery teacher has very high expectations, or she is so good there is something wrong and I am blind to it....

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Ninjacat · 22/01/2013 10:59

If you have to struggle to hear every day it's going to leave you feeling a bit isolated and possibly not as advanced as others if his communication needs are not being met by his nursery.
I imagine that once the grommets are in he'll catch up very quickly (if he even needs to catch up).

When my ds1 was in reception the teacher took me to one side and told me she thought he was "disturbed" because he almost fell over when she took a flash photo of him.

I phoned my health visitor in tears who told me that there was nothing wrong with my son but possibly something wrong with her teaching.

Do you have a have a hv you can speak to? Maybe there are a few things nursery can put in place to help like making sure he is close to the teacher when she is reading or giving instructions etc to make sure he is getting the same information as the other children. Or they could keep an eye on his interaction with other children and make sure he's being understood by the other children and able to join in with them.

I hope you are able to not worry too much, children are all very different at such a young age. My ds2 was 3 in dec. His friends are all at different stages.

WeAreSix · 22/01/2013 11:02

Every child develops differently. While I think milestones are important, I think each child should be looked at as an individual. Sweeping statements like that made about your DC make me so angry. Probably more so since having a child with SEN.

I have to admit that I'd be questioning this nursery's ability to teach if the 'teacher' cannot explain her judgement without evidence. My DD has a learning journal which clearly documents the observations the staff made, a plan to support any areas of learning which she struggles with and how this will be done.

Does your DC have a learning plan if any kind?

Original poster

shinybaubles · 22/01/2013 11:12

Ninjacat - thankyou. No I don't have a health visitor - would going to a peaditrican do any good do you think? I am happy to have him looked at if it will help him...
WeAreSix - I did wonder if she was hinting at him having a SEN - but can't see what would make her think that other than his speech. I don't think there is any kind of journal, he has been there for 1 term now and have seen nothing like it, or a learning plan.
I will admit he is probably more "babied" than some of the other children, but we moved here 6 months ago from a country where children are children for longer.

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WeAreSix · 22/01/2013 11:22

Will reply in length later, baby 5mo has just woken!!

juneau · 22/01/2013 11:24

Grommets can have a very dramatic effect when they're in place. My friend H had a son with delayed, incoherent speech, appalling behaviour at times, screaming tantrums - he was a massive worry for her on lots of levels. But since having grommets fitted everything has improved and he's now a very normal, happy, cheeky, but not unusually badly behaved, sociable little boy, who speaks clearly and understands as well as any other child his age. His hearing was so bad that he was socially isolated and just not able to hear instructions or the nuances of normal speech and it's amazing what a difference that one little operation has made to his life.

LilyBolero · 22/01/2013 11:28

Ds2 had quite pronounced hearing loss, and a resultant speech delay. Once his hearing resolved, his speech did come along, but I was worried right up till he started reception.

I think I would want more details. Is this person your child's key worker? If so, then ask her to put together on paper some detailed observations, and any concerns. If not, then speak to the key worker, and ask what the concerns are. Is there a SENCO? If so, then again, ask them if there are concerns. You are entitled to see any paperwork held about your child, and I would ask to do so.

Original poster

shinybaubles · 22/01/2013 11:29

Thanks WeAreSix
Juneau I do hope it makes a difference for him also , he is actually pretty well behaved I think, I really hope the grommits clear up his speech.

I just want him to be able to communicate and be understood, I can understand him most of the time - but I am tuned into him.

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CraftyBec · 22/01/2013 11:30

I have a 3 year old boy who is quite small for his age and is fairly wobbly on his feet. He's just started a preschool with a big age range in his room. We regard him as 'young for his age' and a bit sensitive (e.g. he hates loud noises and covers his ears when frightened), but we're not unduly worried.
I would support other people's suggestions that you talk to a health visitor about your son's development. They should take your concerns seriously. I know that HVs are less and less visible these days, with their services in many areas being scaled back from a universal service to focusing on priority groups, but every child under school age will have an allocated HV (through your GP practice) - just insist that you have concerns and would like to see someone.
Children do vary widely in their development, but if issues can be picked up and addressed early that is best. Good luck and I hope you find the support you need.

Original poster

shinybaubles · 22/01/2013 11:33

Lily - you mention a keyworker and senco - not sure if there are any, if he has one? His nursery is attached to pre-prep and prep school, if that's any help? The teacher I spoke to is the "head of nursery" as such, and she is very nice but that's all she has said on two occasions. Getting a little frustrated.

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DamsonJam · 22/01/2013 11:39

Completely agree with juneau. DD1 had grommets inserted 2 months before she turned 3 and it made a huge difference. Her speech came on in leaps and bounds, and her behaviour improved dramatically. (For example, the week after the operation I potty trained her successfully whereas the week before it I wouldn't have been able to consider doing it.) Not being able to hear properly cuts you off from the world, makes everything an extra effort, and magnifies normal toddler frustrations. It seems obvious but it can be difficult to put yourself in their shoes. I needed grommets inserted twice as a child and I remember the feeling of not being able to hear properly and it being like my head was under water the whole time - its a very frustrating way to live.

Wait til after the operation - and if you're still concerned then see a health professional.

Original poster

shinybaubles · 22/01/2013 11:42

Thanks DamsonJam I think that's a good idea, the operation is in less than 2 weeks. I just keep looking at everything he does now and thinking is that "normal" (sorry don't know the correct term) for his age...

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Original poster

shinybaubles · 22/01/2013 11:43

Crafty - have had a bad experience with a few health visitors, and find myself unwilling to contact them, would a peaditrician do the same thing as a health visitor?

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shine0ncrazydiamond · 22/01/2013 11:46

Seems young? He IS young.

Unless you yourself have other concerns ... so his behaviour for example or his comprehension then I would just ignore her.

I have a 6 year old who cannot read a word. Well, apart from his name. I am not concerned - unlike his teachers who like to tell me he 'must' have 'something'. He absolutely doesn't < and no, I'm not in denial : ) >

Trust your instincts with your own son.

EspressoMonkey · 22/01/2013 11:52

Wait until the grommits are put it. My god daughter had them inserted and within days there was a dramatic improvement with her speech and overall happiness. That was in October and she has progressed leaps and bounds since then, it is remarkable what a difference they have made. She is 2.2, it makes me sad to think that for 2 years she was suffering and it had a huge impact on the rest of her behaviour. She is so so much happier now.

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