Is this normal behaviour for a lively 6 year old boy?

[Wordsmith]

My 6 year old DS doesn't seem to know how to calm down. he goes crazy when he's with his mates - they all go crazy in fact - but whereas they can come down to earth easily enough, he doesn't seem to be able to. he went round to his friend's house today - there were 4 boys there all together - and they had an easter egg hunt, a picnic lunch and a play around. I went to collect him 3 hours later and they were all running around madly. Half an hour later screams came from upstairs - apparently my DS had just tried to strangle another boy becuase he was trying to take a particular toy from him. The other boy was crying which seemed to wind up my DS even more - he started yelling and screaming at him to shut up, even though he admitted to me he had tried to strangle him ( I think actually he was pulling the neck of his jumper which was 'strangling him' rather than putting both his hands round his neck and squeezing deliberately). I told DS we were going home and he yelled and screamed as we walked to the car (thank god we weren't walking home) and shouted 'I hate you' and 'Do you want to kill me then?' as we drove home. It took about an hour to calm him down and we have withdrawn his computer game and TV privileges (he normally has about 0.5 hrs on the comupter and about 1.5 hrs of TV a day) and told him he can't go to karate tomorrow.

He has these tantrums occasionally, usually after he's been playing with his friends and it all has to end. He's very dependent on his friends' opinions and hates it if he's not 'one of the gang'. Most of his gripes come from the fact that his friends have things which we won't allow him (ie Playstations and access to crap TV channels like Jetix).

I dont think his problems are food related - he eats pretty healthily normally - good home cooking, very little processed or junk food, although he likes chocolate and has a McDonalds once in a blue moon.

MY DH thinks he may have something called sensory integration disorder. I've read the wesbite he found and I don't agree. I think he's just a normal, lively 6 year old boy - although it does always seem to be him who leaves these get-togethers in tears or tantrums. But at other times he can be an incredibly thoughtful, loving child and isn't having any problems at school.

Is anyone else going through this? His temper and cheekiness seemed to get much worse when he started school about 15 months ago, and he does hang round with some quite 'lively' boys. He seems so anxious to impress and the trouble starts when one or more of them seem to challenge him or turn against him.

any ideas appreciated....

[niceglasses]

I can see a lot of this in my 5.4 year old. He is certainly one of the liveliest of all his friends - in fact its him that seems to whip them all up into a frenzy. I think the other mums are probably avoiding him playing with their kids!! I defo get the trying to impress bit - he even talks a bit funny - trying to be cool and has to have all the right stuff. He does often just go around the house screaming, running and can take a long time to calm. Temper, yes - shouting out in sheer frustration. He isn't "violent" that I've seen yet and like you can be very sensible and thoughtful. I wouldn't worry too much - I'm trying not to, but he is very much one of the more crazy young boys I've seen. Oh dear - what did I do?? Not much help am I?

[7up]

wouldnt worry, sounds like my son was at that age. he was so loud and boisterous that he hardly ever got invited round friends houses

[busybusybee]

Wordsmith - Your description of your ds is quite similar to one of my ds who is 4 - DS gets really upset if things dont happen as he is expecting them to. He finds it difficult to integrate with other kids. He talks constantly. He finds it impossible to calm down esp if with other kids.

He is awaiting a diagnoses of Aspergers Syndrome - Not suggesting you ds has this but certainly your story reminded me of ds.

The peadiatrician described him as a delightful! high functioning child who will do well in life but who will also need help in understanding how to interact and fit in with the world.

Hope that doesnt freak you out! More than probable that your ds is fine but I thought you might want to consider aspergers at least to rule it out

[Wordsmith]

Thanks guys - it's reassuring to know others have the same sort of boys! Busybee I had considered Aspergers - our neighbours little boy is v high functioning Asbergers and I don't think it's that, he doesn't have any problem integrating with other kids, but I'll keep observing him....

Thinking about it I do know other little boys who are much more hyper than mine so perhaps it's just the stresses of the day and my DH's suggestion that's prompting my worries.

[shimmy21]

Sounds like my dss (both) in the way that when certain friends are around all normal standards of behaviour seem to go out of the window and the 'frenzy' can last for a good hour or so after the friends have gone, including tempers, rudenss etc. It seems to come directly from the over excitemnt and stress of trying to compete with/ cope with/ impress/ get on with certain 'alpha' friends. I wouldn't worry unless his behaviour seems off the wall at 'calm' times at home as well.

[jellybrain]

busybee- my ds(8) has Aspergers and the being able to stop thing was always difficult. When he started school there would be a group of them being silly and boistrous and then one would spot the teacher coming tell the others who would imediately sit/stand still as if butter wouldn't melt whilst ds would still be whizzing round ike a banshee. It was like having a clockwork mouse that would only stop once the motor had run its course!

Couple of things that helped Wordsmith , would it be better for your DS to play with just 1or 2 friends at a time (found this much easier somehow less likey to get whipped up into a frenzy) and perhaps for a shorter time 3 and half hours is quite a long time perhaps its too much for him. Give plenty of warning that something is going to end - don't just anounce its time to go - thats like a red rag to a bull here!
Sorry if any of this sounds patronising or irelevant but, lots of the techniques we use for dealing with DS1 help with DS2 (5) who isn't Aspergers but can get overexcited like lots of other little boys his age.

[fsmail]

That sounds like about half of my Ds's friends who are all 5 to 6. I have to brace myself before they come around. My DS joins in and is then so exhausted he flops into bed or tells them to go home. I thought it was just him being a bit delicate. There have been a few occasions when kids have been literally dragged out by their loving parents and I am always careful not to give them sweets to make the whole situation worse. Don't know how the teachers cope with 19 boys in both the year 1 classes.