Mother rejector!

[BibBabBob]

My DS (9 months) has recently started to prefer his dad to me. Often when I'm holding him he'll reach out for his dad and rarely does reach out for me when he's with dad. I've been on mat leave until 2 weeks ago so i've been doing most of the caring and though I'm back at work now when we are both at home I do most of the looking after, feeding etc. I feel totally devastated and rejected and not sure what to do. I feel sure part of the reason for his behaviour is that DP is far quicker to pick up ds if he starts to complain -not that I leave him for much longer I hasten to add but where as I will try and encourage DS to continue to play independantly, dp always picks him straight up. I'm not sure if I'm more annoyed with DP or myself. SOmetimes DP has to creep round the house out of DS's sight as the minute he sees him se starts reaching out and wanting his attention. It really upsets me and i don't know what to do and I feel i must have gone wrong as a mum somewhere.

[chocolateshoes]

Oh BBB, I'm sure you're a great Mum - you sound as if you re doing brilliantly. You MUST not blame yourself. I think this kind of thing is quite common & its a phase that affects different kids at different ages. I'm sure I've read similar threads on here. Try not to feel too hurt. I hope someone can give you some more concrete advice.

[chipkid]

My two have also been like this-then all of a sudden it is all me that they want and then it changes again!
It is soooo demoralising-but it means nothing-that baby loves you to bits-enjoy the time when you are not the one in demand!

[Coolmama]

Hi BBB - first of all - I agree with CS - you sound like you are doing fabulously well particularly if you have a new lo in the house.
You must bear in mind that at this age your DS is starting to feel a little independent and is starting to express preferences etc - for lo, DP is a bit of a novelty - the "fun" one, if you will - it is also a bit of a back-handed compliment to you - your DS does not feel the need to reach out for you because he does not have to verify that you are there - in his mind, you are a constant - he knows that you are there no matter what - IMO - that is proof positive that you are doing something very right! - the fact that you feel neglected or upset is just because lo is not behaving in the "needy" way you want him to, but that is all in your head - he doesn't "need" you because you provide him with all the physical and emotional support to get him through each day - Most important, remember that you are his mommy and that is not ever going to change - he will go through phases and stages but you = mom - always - how powerful a thought is that? - there is no one on this earth (DP included, unfortunately) that will be everything to DS that you are! - he will grow out of this phase, and when he gets to the clingy-attached-to-your-leg-like-a-limpet phase, you will dream of the days when he would go to someone else so you could have a wee in private! - I promise you it will be fine.

[Sparklemagic]

try not to think about it as about you - it's about having a loving and involved dad, and is a pat on the back for your DP I would say. My DS was quite clingy with my DH at around this age for a few months, and one of our male friends was so envious, as he worked very long hours and didn't see much of his DD during the week - she never did this, always wanted mum.

It's not about rejecting you - he is secure in the knowledge that his loving mum is close at hand - he just likes having a dad too!

[BibBabBob]

thanks everyone. feel a lot better for your comments. its hard sometimes as I always expected to be the one that he clung too, but as you say coolmama, perhaps i should enjoy the free time it gives me (i'm currently writing this whilst DP walks round the garden with DS!)

[suzi2]

My DS is 8 months and prefers his dad. I think it's because he sees more of me and I do all the horrid things too. Such as putting him down for naps, fighting with feeding him, leaving him to cry for a minute or so while I finish putting the washing on or whatever. DH comes home, makes some silly faces, makes DS giggle, gives him his pudding, does his bath etc. He panders to every need (not that I don't! It's just that sometimes I have 101 things to do!). Anyhow, I think DS likes the fun parent who feeds him pudding and gives him what he wants straight away and doesn't make him nap.

Not sure if that helps you any... it makes me quite miserable when I have a day of wrestling with DSs grumping and DH gets a smiley fun baby all the time!