14 month old already having temper tantrums. Help!

[RandallPinkFloyd]

I really don't know how to deal with them

He's obviously too young to be reasoned with or have anything explained to him but what do I do instead?

If he wants something he can't have he literally screams himself hoarse. He throws himself at me, lashes out, throws things.

I'm completely at a loss. He won't let me cuddle him but screams if I put him down. Distraction works sometimes but not always.

I feel like a crap mum, we're both in tears now because I feel so bloody guilty and helpless.

What am I doing wrong and what should I be doing instead?

[wanderingalbatross]

My DD is 16mo and has had a few tantrums so far. I am trying to anticipate tantrums rather than deal with them when they happen. I keep things out of sight (mostly food!) that I think will cause a tantrum. If she won't let go of the object she has and shouldn't, I try and swap it for something new and exciting. Things are worse when she's tired, so I try and get her to nap twice a day. If she has a tantrum, I try and distract her by playing with her toys until she gets interested. She also won't be cuddled so I sit her down and sit next to her so she knows I'm there (I think this age is a bit too young to be left to calm down alone) and try not to get upset myself as I think that's probably confusing for her.

I'm not sure he's that young for having things explained (obviously not mid-tantrum though!) as I have really noticed DD's understanding come on massively in the past 2 months.

Don't think you're doing anything wrong though, it's a stage and it'll pass. It's just that they're frustrated but don't have any better way to express it.

[RandallPinkFloyd]

Thanks for the reply, sorry I haven't checked back sooner.

You're right I know, it's just a faze, once he's a little bit older and can communicate better it will be easier.

I just find it really hard when he's so upset and there's nothing I can do. Once he gets like that even giving him what he wants doesn't help.

And he's just so bloody loud! Like bonkersly loud!

[ZombTEE]

Just ignore them while they're happening and try to talk him after they are done. You'd be surprised how much he'll understand.

[RandallPinkFloyd]

Really? That's not me being sarcastic by the way, I genuinely don't know.

I really don't know squat about babies and have no idea what he can and can't understand.

I do talk to him as if he can understand me but that's only because I don't know what else to do.

[ZombTEE]

Even if he doesn't understand this time, it's good to start as you mean to go on.

Just talk to him. Who cares if he understands?

[RandallPinkFloyd]

Tbh honest I waffle away to him all day.

I'm an LP and sometimes he's the only person I talk to for days at a time. The poor mite has to make up for the fact that his mum's a big old saddo

Thank you thought, I feel a bit less silly carrying on doing it now. I can say with conviction that I'm doing it for his benefit not mine, Zombie said so

[ZombTEE]

ZombTEE, if you don't mind.

And glad to help!

[RandallPinkFloyd]

Oh balls, I didn't realise you were Tee in Hallowe'en disguise!

Soz

[ZombTEE]

You're okay! That's why it's called a disguise!!!

[Satine5]

My mantra: remove and distract!

[RandallPinkFloyd]

thank you, it should calm me if not him!

[Numbthumbs]

I second remove and distract.
DD is 15 months and had a tantrum today because i wouldnt let her bang her head on the door and as she was about to throw herself on the floor screaming i said 'wheres your juice?' in a really excited voice and her angry face changed instantly into a smile and she went toddling off to find her juice!

[RandallPinkFloyd]

Yes, why do they find such bonkers things to get so riled up about?

DS had an absolute hissy fit today because I blew on his dinner. Actual rage.

He kept look me in the eye before pulling his angry face just to make sure I understood the magnitude of my crime!

[werewolvesdidit]

My DS2 had temper tantrums from 9 months. He was always a challenging baby - cried for hours etc When he had a tantrum I did what I did with DS1 walked off then came back happily about something else (a distraction). I will say that now (he has just turned 3) he is massively independent and very sweet and charming. (He still does like to get his own way and is FURIOUS if he doesn't). I think he just didn't like being a baby very much as he cannot bear anyone doing anything for him. He thinks he is about 15 :)

[mrsalwaysawake]

My DS is also 14mo and has big screamy tantrums if he doesn't get his way. It's worse when he's tired or hungry but still happens when he's well-rested and got a full tum.
I mostly try to avoid letting him pick up things I'm going to have to take off him but as you know, that isn't easy!