how to tame a toddler?

[geekgrrl]

Ds is 2 yrs 3 mths old now and seems to have grown little devil horns over the past 9 months or so.

Unfortunately he is steadily getting worse and I feel that my relationship with him is really suffering - I get red mist so often :( with him and dread the days that he is at home with me. He currently does nursery three days a week (9-3) whilst I work from home, and the rest of the time he's home with me.

He seems to be constantly whingeing - there's always something to have a big cry and a strop about in his life and he's just so damn uncompliant all the time. Nothing seems right, ever.

I've got two older dds and have never had this kind of behaviour day in, day out from them.

At Easter I am due to fly on my own with ds, dd2 (who is 4 but has SN and behaves like a [sweet] toddler) and dd1 (6) to Spain, it's a 3.5 hour flight and I am just completely, utterly dreading it because of ds. :(

HELP!

[ScummyMummy]

Aw. Sympathies. It's horrid when you're feeling like that, isn't it? I think the trouble is that (unless there are underlying special needs, which your post doesn't suggest) it often takes a few days of doing what you probably feel least like doing to turn things around. Lots of positive play and praise, consistent discipline- ie a short time out for every major strop- plenty of physical exercise, making sure he's eating and sleeping enough.

Will the novelty of the flight distract him at all? [hopeful emoticon!]

[geekgrrl]

thank you SM, I think you're right, we need a bit of a fresh start in a way to get out of this rut of me shouting (more like screeching :( )and him being awkward.

Re. the flight - I hope so. I keep trying to think of things that will make him stay in his seat - chocolate buttons by the kilo maybe?

[ScummyMummy]

Mine are bigger now but I always used to go out with them a lot when I was feeling like that. Stopped me shouting as much- more embarrassing in public!- and gave us a focus.

Chocolate buttons sound like a good idea. And things to play with- playdoh maybe? Will they show a kids movie at all? Or maybe you could request a trip to the cabin- do they still do that? We're going to Barcelona for a short break over Easter and it will be my boys' first time on a plane so I hope they do still let kids go and have a look.:)

[juliab]

What time of day is your flight, geekgrrl?
Will you have time to wear him out nicely beforehand?

[geekgrrl]

it's at 10am so no! (sob) He doesn't nap anyway though. :(

Trip to the cabin - I think you'd get shot on the spot nowadays if you asked. I remember doing it when I was little - so exciting.
Playdoh is always a winner on the plane, good point. I am not sure about movies - don't know what kind of plane it is.

[juliab]

Everyone always suggests a bag with little (cheap) wrapped presents in it - and letting him open one every 30 minutes. This did work with my ds1 at that age but not ds2 - couldn't wait that long and had opened them all almost before we took off!
Toddlers this age IME are happiest just trundling up and down the aisle - which is wearing but preferably to tantrums in the seat. But can you leave the other two to do this?
How long is the flight?

[geekgrrl]

it's 3.5 hours and I can't leave the other two because dd2 would probably freak out - she can get quite scared in new surroundings.
I think ds would have a huge tantrum at not being allowed another present straight away.
I think I need a flight nanny.

[juliab]

Ok.. maybe a bag of diversions, then? Like the playdough that's been suggested, plus fuzzy felt, cheap toy car etc etc
do you know that shark game? the one where you press down his teeth one by one until you press the one that makes him 'bite'? Lively toddlers usually think that's hilarious...
or would he listen to a story/songs on a walkman-type thing?

[canadianmum]

Dh and I travelled with my twin boys when they were 2.5 for 3hr flight, the best distractions we had were crayons and colouring/sticker book AND a pair of headphones with a couple of tapes. Don't get it out until you need it and make sure he hasn't seen it before. ELC do them for about £10 and they are quite robust :). My boys are now 3+ and still love having the headphones on during flights.

Your ds is at a very difficult age, it does get better! Mine are SO much easier now. I agree with scummy (:)), it is hard work at first but try lots of playtime, lots of praise for anything he does well and cut down on any sweets or E numbers, that really made a difference for my boys.

Good luck!

[NikkiH]

I'd take an activity bag with crayons and a colouring book, a few books for reading, some playdoh, maybe a small jigsaw and a card game like snap.

I'd let them choose a comic / magazine at the shop at the airport each for looking at on the plane only so they've not looked at it in the first five minutes of buying it.

I'd also have a range of snacky stuff like grapes, raisins, breadsticks or the mini rice cakes plus a packet of sweets that they'd chosen in the airport shop too.

That's stuff to keep them occupied, in terms of encouraging good behaviour why not take along some sticky smiley faces or stars and every time they're behaving themselves, or do as they're told first time, stick one on them. You could promise a treat for getting so many stickers although the novelty of getting the stars is sometimes enough for little ones. We did this with my 2.3 dn when he was facing a 5 hour car journey and it worked pretty well.

Other than that try to wear them out at the airport before boarding the plane - some airports have play areas - and opt to be one of the last ones boarding rather than the first so that they're not cooped up in their seats for as long. Best of luck!