DD1 nearly 3yr constantly gets up through the night and its driving me crackers.

[Babyblue2]

DD1 has always slept through well but for the last few months she's been getting up most nights and wanting to sleep with us. I've gone through long periods of taking her straight back to bed, which sometimes results in her getting straight back up 5 or 6 times in a row (by which time we're both wide awake). Some nights she'll sleep through till 6 am and then gets into our bed which is fine and I don't mind that, but most nights she's up. I don't want her sleeping in our bed, i'm a really light sleeper and end up being awake for 2-3 hours if she gets in with us. Some nights i've been known to creep into her bed just for some peace, but if she wakes up she comes to look for me. I've tried talking to her but she says she wants to be with me or that she's cold. I've tried telling her she can't get up until its morning, or until her light goes on, but as she wants a light on and her door wide open anyway, that doesn't really help. I tried not switching the tv on in a morning so she'd stop in her own bed but that backfired and now she refuses to watch tv and just sits in the dark with the fire on. Help i've totally run out of ideas. PS DH is a heavy sleeper and isn't aware until the morning that DD has joined us. If he was to try and carry her back to bed she would scream the house down (and wake DD2 10 months) which I don't particularly want.

[Trophywife]

have you tried putting a stair gate at her door? my mate had this problem with her ds, he hated the gate at his door so they told him that every time he got up and he came into their room they would put him back into bed and the gate up, they had to put it up a few times but he got so upset by it that after a weekend of hell he hasnt got up again. hopefully you can get her sleeping better real soon Good luck. HTH

[morningpaper]

Is she cold? HAve you tried putting the heating on low overnight to see if this helps? Have you got a night light on in her room or some fairy lights so she feels cosy?

[Babyblue2]

Trophywife - we live in a bungalow so we don't have a stairgate so that isn't really something we can introduce. I know of people who do introduce them even though they have no stairs but a sudden introduction of a gate to keep her in one place would not go down well... at all.
Morningpaper - yes she does complain she's cold but she has an electric blanket on through the night. I've tried to explain and show her how to cover herself back up but the easy option for her is to come and get a cuddle. We've tried nightlights and she isn't happy with them. We keep the hallway light on for her all night and her door open. I thought the light might keep her awake but on the occassions i've switched it off she wakes me up to tell me its not on.

[blueshoes]

Babyblue2, since your DH is a heavy sleeper, do you think your dd will be happy to get into bed with him instead? Controversial I know, because it means you will then sleep in dd's bed in the meantime. But it sounds like your dd is quite determined and it is just a phase.

[Babyblue2]

blueshoes - I've tried that. Its me she wants to be with and hubby's a big tall lump of a man and doesn't fit in her bed. She's a very determined girl. If I was a heavy sleeper and she didn't disturb me so much it wouldn't bother me.

[welshmum]

babyblue2 - how wierd we've just gone through the same thing with our dd (and have ds of nearly 9 months) It drove me batty too. In the end what worked was a good old-fashioned star chart, every morning after a complete night in bed with no calling out to parents she got a star and 2 smiley faces (ie mum and dad) dd also got a small chocolate (I know, but I was too sleep deprived to worry about this) Once 7 days of stars had been collected she got to go to the big newsagent and choose her own magazine.
Consistency is a really good idea - no sleeping in your bed at all and you're not allowed to sleep in her's either - so no mixed messages.
Good luck.

[Babyblue2]

thanks welshmum. I shall try that, i'm a bit concerned that we never actually get a first full night to set the ball rolling and therefore there'd be no incentive but we'll give it a whirl.

If anyone else has got any ideas or thoughts, i'd be glad to hear them.

[jaspercat]

We went through the same problem last year and I'm afraid after months of sleep deprivation and trying all alternatives, I resorted to bribery - if you stay in your own bed and go back to sleep you can have a special treat in the morning. The treat was then watching a bit of telly (not normally allowed in the morning), or horror of horrors, a biscuit before breakfast (I was desperate you understand). Anyway, it worked like magic and after a few nights she had relearnt how to settle herself back to sleep. Nowadays, she may very, very ocassionally wake in the night and ask to sleep with us, but can normally be settled back in her own bed with no need for bribery.

[Babyblue2]

Thanks jaspercat. You'll see we've tried the tv option which backfired. I'm all for bribery if it means a restful night because if she doesn't sleep she's irritable and so am I. Its horrible. I thought that once you got passed the baby sleeping through stage that you'd be sorted..... unfortunately not!

[longwaytogo]

If only there was an easy answer to this one we would be millionaires. Our dd gets into our bed every night without fail - she wakes cries and we have to go get her, i got into her bed last night which was ok and she resettled, I decided to get out at 5a.m and she cried so i sent dh he was not good enough. She is driving me insane I really can't remember the last time she slept all night in her own bed.

So if anyone comes up with the perfect answer let me know

BTW We've tried controlled crying and it just means that we up 10-12 times a night and really doesn't get better.

[FrannyandZooey]

Yes bribery. Worked a treat for a friend whose daughter used to get out of her bed all the time. Now she just calls through a lot "I'm being a good girl Mummy, I'm not getting out of bed at all"

A small treat every morning, preferably wrapped. Elizabeth Pantley recommends letting them see the pile of wrapped presents, and then at the end when they are all gone, suggests wrapping them up all over again - she says most 3 year olds don't even care it is the same presents.

[welshmum]

Forgot to say we put the star chart right by her bed so she could see it clearly and we talked and talked about it for hours before the chosen night.
You are right though babyblue every time you think you've got the sleep sorted they come at you again from another angle and if it's not your dd1 I'm sure your dd2 will oblige. Our 2 definitely take it in turns.....