It is 08.30 and....

[Pudmog]

the two dds have been made to sit on their beds.
Unfortunately they share a room which they are incapable of keeping vaguely tidy. They constantly leave piles of tatt around the house. They are rude, answer back and are always hitting each other.

All my friends and teachers say what lovely polite children they are- they are not they are monsters.

I don't know how to improve the holidays.

We have tried all kinds of behaviour improving tactics and I really do not know what to do. Is it just their ages or what.....?

Dd1 is 8 and blames her sister for everything, then has huge guilt trips and blames herself and is very rude and precocious to me. Classic lines being has this got nuts in it?, knowing that i would never give her nuts as she is allergic to them. SHe over mothers her younger brother and shouts and really hits hard at her sister.

Dd2 is 4.5 and when she is lovely she is wonderful, when she is horrid, she is deeply nasty. She never does as she is asked and it is driving me potty.

I cannot face another day of negotiation deteriorating to me yelling like the best fish wife at them. Just to explain, I never get more than three hours of broken sleep a night due to ds having chronic eczema etc.

Please help- am crying already.

[crimbocrazydazy]

Oh Pudmog I do sympathise, it is hard when they fight all the time, mine are the same (DD 5 and DS3) its the constant bickering that wears you down.

I bought a sticker chart for each of them and DD's behaviour has improved significantly, DS doesn't quite understand it but it helps if one of them behaves well. Or even try the pasta jar. Am sure it will help.

[RudolphsAuntMabel]

Well, I've just taken down the Xmas dec's and banned Christmas. DS1 was on his last warning about lashing out at DS2 and blew it. Ok, Ok, I know I'll put the stuff back up later but he's actually behaving very well now and if it carries on Christmas will be back!! PLEASE GOD!

I sympathise with you I really do

[WickedWinterWitch]

Well you should give yourself some credit for the fact that they behave for other people and feel safe enough with you to behave badly!

Re their room, I would leave it, if they want to sleep in a tip, let them. Re piles of tatt, get a bin liner and chuck it all in their room (ideally make them take it up there). Do they need some exercise? I know ds (8) is a PITA when he has too much energy and nothing to do with it - he turns bad tempered and destructive.

Also, expectation management, my son likes knowing what's going to happen and when and we can't always do it but we do try to let him know what our vague plan for the day is and he seems to like it and his behaviour is sometimes better as a result I think. Don't over react to comments about nuts etc, that sounds like attention seeking to me.

Poor you.

[WickedWinterWitch]

And re being rude and answering back, I'd go for zero tolerance - they're rude they either don't get a response - i.e. in our house 'get me some toast' doesn't get anything other than an arched eyebrow until it turns to 'please lovely kind beautiful mummy would you make me some toast?' or, if they're v rude, they go out in the corridor or to their rooms.

[Frizbethebumpedupreindeer]

Me thinks the 8 year old may be wanting her own space, is it possible to divide the room up somehow? 8 year old with mess on one side, 4.5yr old with mess on the other, give them a half and half responsible share (only works if room big enough tho) paint different halves different colours, seperate by book shelves/curtain?

[beejay]

Excellent advice WWW.
Pudmog it sounds like you are very tired-- can you arrange for someone to take the kids for a couple of hours so taht you can have a nap?
As you know everything feels overwhelming when your're exhausted!
Hope things improve

[WickedWinterWitch]

Absolutely agree re sleep, it's very very hard to deal with tihs stuff when you're knackered

[WhenAChildIsBored]

...especially with Christmas coming up - you matter too, although it may not feel like it! They will nothing like as distressed as you are, I find with mine they can have me reduced to a gibbering wreck while it's water off a duck's back to them! They'll have a wicked Christmas even if they do trash the house and half kill each other. You NEED a break and some sleep - and a long relaxing soak in the bath or something similar. Have you got a mum/friend/even dare I say MIL who can get them out of your face for an afternoon?

[Pudmog]

thank you for just being out there. Unfortunarely they have to share. They have cabin beds so they have their bed space above and below that is their space.
We have had a reasonable morning- they have taken turns to help me clear out their room.
I know I am tired- probably not going to improve for the forseeable future. I had such a rant at my poor mum that they are coming this afternoon so mum will stay with the kids and dad will take me food shopping. I have never looked forward soooo much to going to Sainsburys. I was supposed to do it tonight with dh, but as he is hungover from his works do ( which I won't even get started on) I don't fancy the trip would be argument free.

Soooooo, tonight ladies will be long hot soak in the bath with whatever alcohol of my choice I come home with and chocolates. I just asked dh if he would mind if I bought some flowers or was it unecessary. His reply- you know I don't do flowers if that is a hint. Whoopee!!!!

No Christmas special time for dh then!!

Anyone else feeling as bah humbug as me???


btw- we have made cards. crackers. have home made advent calendars, mincemeat, cake etc. I'm not that horrid!

[WhenAChildIsBored]

You don't sound at all horrid! If you were horrid it would be the kids who were having a rotten time - it isn't, it's you!!! I'm with you on the looking forward to Sainburys. My DH is off sick (he's malingering) so I'm leaving him with the two snotty toddlers and skipping off to - wait for it - look for lounge curtains in the charity shops!!

YES to bah humbug. Christmas used to be so magical and special when I was little. Now it's just an excuse for everyone I know to descend on me expecting gourmet food, entertainment and the chance to loll around my house for four days farting, getting trolleyed and complaining! GRUMPY OLD WOMEN UNITE!!

[Pudmog]

hear hear to grumpy old women!!!

Went to Sainsbury's and spent thin air!!! Bought myself a nice bottle gin and some nibbles and will lock myself in the bathroom later!

Also had an unexpected visit from a dear friend, so all in all not a bad day. I hope ds will sleep as he has refused a nap today.