Problems at bedtime

[santasweetdreamer]

ds's are 4 and 7 and the 7 yr old plays up every bloody night. He's upstairs now booting his wall in temper, I'm ready to kill him.

why can't they go to bed in peace?

[Twiglett]

because you let them play up?

[Seona1973]

what sort of bedtime routine do you have?

[Tortington]

my eldet stayed up longer than the others.

bath bed story bed.

if that doesnt work bath and earlier bedtime next day.

and so on.

i take away time off next days bedtime for playing up - take it of in 15 minute chunks.


thing is oldest will be mightily pissed off if his behaviour means he goes to bed earlier than youngesr sibling.

no telly or stereo or playstation in room, no light to switch on and off - if you must have a light put a coloured one in.

[santasweetdreamer]

twiglet what do you mean I let them play up? I find that really offensive.

we've always had the same bed time routine with the boys but lately the 7 year old has been throwing major tantrums and refusing to do what he's told at bedtime. He seems to go off at the slightest thing. Tonight we ended up talking it through with them both and explaining they have to go to bed at a resonable time and after stories go to sleep. But they both want to mess about and start carrying on at 7.30 onwards and wind each other up instead of winding down!
And no they don't have TV's or anything like that in their rooms.

It just drives me nuts, I just wish they'd go to bed calmly and not make bed time a nightmare.

[rummum]

do they share a room??

[BudaBabeInAManger]

How about putting the youger one to bed half an hour earlier?

Older one must be made understnd that this si sa special thing for the oldest BUT that he must be good. If he starts to play up - back to normal bed-time.

[BudaBabeInAManger]

Not very clear - I meant stagger their bed-tims so that the older one feels special! Younger one doesn't have to go earlier! But you know what I mean!

[PennyLess]

I have ds1 who is 7, dd is 5 and ds2 is 3.8. Until quite recently the bedtime routine has involved all of them, but I bathed the younger two first, and while I read them their stories, ds1 bathed himself then was ready for his story by the time I was done with them. Sometimes it still happens like this as he gets very tired and is sometimes ready for an early night.

However, in the past couple of months I have noticed that he is really not ready to go with/straight after them, so I let him watch blue peter, or do something that he wouldn't do with them around. He stays downstairs and colours in or something. Then i sit and talk to him quietly while he is in the bath and we have a cuddle and maybe a story or he asks me questions about the books he's reading.
It is very special time and I find it really winds him down AND makes him feel special.

Perhaps if you tried something like this is could (and I emphasise the could) achieve two things: firstly, you are separating them, and so potentially avoidind the winding up. You get the 4 yr old settled before even embarking on the older one. Secondly, you have bargaining power. You tell the older one you are going to try doing it like this. If it works, you can do it again. If there's any messing about, then it's back to the old system.

What do you think?

[Twiglett]

you're right santa .. that was offensive and I apologise .. sorry

I did write a huge big message and that was just a jokey start .. god knows where the rest of the message got to though

sorry again

[Twiglett]

the only bit I can be bothered to repeat was that maybe it was too early for a 7 year old to be in bed as my almost 5 year old doesn't go upstairs till 7.30 .. and possibly you could stagger bedtimes

[santasweetdreamer]

maybe staggering bedtimes would help.

trouble is I've totally made a rod for my back with ds2, he refuses to go to sleep on his own and for a quiet life one of us usually lies beside him until he falls asleep, which can take a while. So ds1 would be waiting and waiting ages. I know this is completely the wrong thing to do, but my 2 have always been rotten sleepers and I'm so worn down by it I'd do anything to get them off to sleep. But I think I'll definately try staggering their bed times and see how it goes.

twiglet - apology accepted .

[Twiglett]

phew .. was worried for a minute .. hope you believe me .. I don't think I'm known for being that crass in general

maybe after christmas you could just take a deep breath and solve one problem at a time

perhaps DS who's 7 could camp out in your room for a week and help you get DS2 to sleep properly using the rapid return technique a la Tanya .. it seems it will get worse before it gets better but should be solveable if you have the nerve and energy

[PennyLess]

I agree with Twiglett. All these things seem such hard work at the time (eg potty training) but once you've got them sorted it's actually a very short time and SO worth the effort.
I would certainly concentrate on ds2. Even if it takes a month that's nothing really it the broad scheme of things and just think how lovely evenings without hassle will be.
Does he have a tape machine in his room that he can be allowed to listen to stories on if he stays put?

[santasweetdreamer]

good advice - thanks!

[rummum]

Hi santasweetdreamer.......
How did it go tonight?? did you make any changes to their routine..

Let us know