How to discepline? plus other stuff

[Beabea]

We seem to have several problems at the moment with my DD who is 1yr next week.

1. Constant waking at night, sits or stands screaming or crying. Will only go off to sleep after constant pick up put down tries, taking upto 2hours. This all seems to happen between midnight and 3pm.
   
   
2. Not eating - just picking at food. Shakes her hands to refuse knocking food everywhere. Rubs face with food she has knocked. Doesnt want to be in highchair most of the time. Won't sit still to be fed elsewhere.
   
   
3. In general will make a bee line for everything we say no to. Screams when she doesnt get what she wants. She is so determined. Every distraction fails.
   
   
4. Has been teething so we have been lenient at times but feel now she is playing us about. How do I know when there really is a reason for all the above.
   
   So how do I discepline her without her getting completely distressed? How can I get her to eat? Tried finger food and very pureed food. How can I get her to sleep through. We are expecting no 2 and I am exhausted.
   
   Sorry it got so long. Just need to get this off my chest as the majority of this has been going on over a week now.
   
   Please tell me there is hope.

[colditz]

She will eat when she is hungry, a baby's appetite tends to decline a lot at 1 year old or thereabouts.

you can't really discipline a 1 year old baby, but you can just repeat, repeat, repeat and remove her from the situation over and over again. very frustration I know, but try not to react too much as this is what they want in the first place.

have you tried putting some of her toys away, and getting different ones out every 2 hours or so? Just leave her one or two at a time. too many will overwhelm her and she will head straight for something to grab your attention... ie the Tv.

the sleep thing, I don't know if this is recommended, but once I was sure my 1 year old was not wet, dirty, hungry, ill or very distressed, i would just tuck him in and leave him. If he became more distressed, i would tuck him in again, and leave again. I found if i picked him up at all, it would infuriate him, and make him think he was coming down stairs, so when I put him down he would scream in frustration. I found if i didn't pick him up in the first place, he wouldn't get that "false Hope". other people will probably come and say i am cruel, but in the long run it seemed a lot less cruel.

[Beabea]

The eating thing all happened about the same time as we starting nursery (all thought she seems to enjoy this). Also the teething thing. Just not sure when to give her calpol or not. Sometimes seems to help but not at other times. We also changed her routine as we were worried that she was hungry in the mornings. She ate reasonably well before this.

[colditz]

do you ever let her get out of bed if she is upset? Like to come into your bed, or to have a cuddle with daddy while you fetch milk?

[colditz]

my ds's appetite plummeted at age one, and has only just picked up at 2.5, but he isn't thin. they will not eat food they don't want, and forcing the issue (though I'm sure you never would) can lead to behavioral problems at the table. If she is signalling to you that she has eaten enough, finish the meal.

[Beabea]

She is in a cot. She is so noisy in her sleep. When she wakes in the morning if we bring her in with us she climbs all over us and prods our faces. Sounds funny but not at 5.30am

[Beabea]

No we dont force her to eat. Just offer and take it away if she shakes her arms. Or wait and try again. She shows more intereste when we are eating. But she has a dairy intolerence and cant always eat what we have. Sometimes I just cant get her meal and ours ready at the same time. Just not very organised in this way. Mainly a problem when I am home alone and I have to keep an eye on her.

[Beabea]

Is this a break through. DD has just had a first full meal in over a week

I do hope this continues.

[mummylonglegs]

Beabea, I'm with Colditz re. the eating, although when dd was 1 i was stressed about it too. Looking back I realise I'd have saved myself a lot of unneccessary grief if I'd just offered food then taken it away if she'd refused ...

I'm also with colditz re. sleeping. pick up put down was absolutely awful with my dd at 15 months when she suddenly started waking and screaming in the night. As soon as we did controlled crying instead she was sleeping fine within a few days.

About the 'disciplining' I just wouldn't bother at 1 year old. Everything's interesting to her. She's probably picking up hundreds of things a day but you're only focusing on the ones you don't want her to have. She can't make that differentiation.

[Beabea]

Mummylonglegs & Colditz

Thank you both for your comments. We shall give your tips a go.

[sunnyside]

Have to agree with the controlled crying thing. Get the toddler taming book and give it a good read it made me see things really differently...DS was waking a lot at night and was a nightmare to put down but was sorted in two nights and now sleeps soundly (Don't let me be speaking too soon!). One bit of advice that struck a chord with me was to choose battles carefully. Don't allow a battle to develop unless you are really sure that it is worth winning. I took that to mean say 'No' only when it really matters to you and for me that has removed a lot of unnecessary stress.

[sunnyside]

BTW I'm only a month on from there so not wanting to sound like I've found the answers!

[Beabea]

Thanks Sunnyside - I shall look out for the book.

[Tortington]

1. stop going in to the bedroom - have an evening wind down routing and stick to it
   
   
2. they will eat when hungry dont pander
   
   3)put stuff you dont want her to have out of the way. i know this may not be your situation but it really gets on my nerves when kids are shouted at for being curious when you dont put things they are going to look at touch feel and explore out of the way. so put the remote for the telly high up. dont leave things on a coffee table etc etc
   
   
3. you cant say that teething is the root of everything - she will be more whingy is to be expected. but children need routing imvho
   
   
4. discipline at this age should be restricted to a firm NO! when in danger - everything else is a learning experience for her so if you dont want it touched move it, seal it or hide it

[Tortington]

lmao @no 4) not routing - that would involve social services and your dh asking why your using a router on your daughter - if that becomes the case your doomed!!!

i meant routine

[cinderelly]

I bought a brilliant book. 'What to expect-the toddler years' by Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi Murkoff and Sandee Hathaway. Its about 9 million pages long but it covers everything you could possibly think of. You dont have to read the whole book, just refer to the index for any particular problem. I would be lost without it.
Good luck

[magnolia1]

Pmsl @ custardo

[Beabea]

Thanks Custardo

DD seems to be much better today and has had proper meals.

As for not touching stuff. The problem is our open fire place. She bangs on the fire guard and Im frightened it will fall on her if she keeps pushing it.

She has started to push the tv so hard that the trolly it is on now moves too. Will be buying a new one tomorow (dispite DHs objections).

The stereo buttons are also a favorite. Which is more of a problem when we use it and find the volume up full! makes us jump.

Basically Im not so bothered about her getting into things. I just get fed up with DH saying no and trying to discepline when it really doesnt help or work. I think he feels he should have control and it frustrates him when he doesnt.

I can hear them having lots of fun now though so its not all bad

Cinderelly - Looks like there are a few books to look into. thanks