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The Double Barrelled Last Name Debate(62 Posts)
So OH & I cannot agree on last name, we aren't married & probably won't be for a very long while, he wants baby (sex not yet known) to have his last name only, a very uncommon 3 syllable name. I want baby's last name to be double barrelled so my very common 1 syllable name then OH last name. My reasons for this being that at the moment we aren't married I haven't got his last name, there are no plans for us to be getting married & baby could well be in teens before this is a reality as silly as it seems I don't want to feel like my family has no connection to our child, if we do for double barrelled & we eventually get married I will either double barrel my name or change our child's to just his but obviously this could be a long way off. OH's reasons are this baby is his & it's just traditional that babies take their fathers names, he also makes the argument that in the future we will get married & it saves the hassle on name changing now.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation with DP & what was your outcome?
Ahahah tortoise: "I'm also sick to death of the 'what about when they marry another double-barrelled' argument. If they're old enough to marry someone, they're old enough to work out a compromise on names. That's no reason to make a decision on anything, it's just an excuse. People have had double-barrelled names forever, it's hardly so unprecedented that they'll grow up, get to the church door and then panic."
I so agree.
But if it comes to a choice I really do think children should default to having the mother's name, because:
1) mother and child will be looked after together during labour/birth/afterwards
2) statistically mothers are more likely to be accompanying their children to school/docs/dentist
3) statistically in the event of a split the children are likely to spend the majority of time with their mother
4) the mother has carried and given birth to the child so is definitely the parent
5) the mother has carried and given birth to the child so has bloody well earned it!
All horribly cynical no doubt but true. Obviously if the father is likely to be and continue to be the main caregiver then fewer of these apply, but I'm sure he can take care of a kid with a different surname - women manage it all the time after all.
I really can't think of a single reason for babies to get their father's name by default. In fact I think I started a thread about it once and there were quite a lot of sad replies along the lines of "I thought it would remind him it was his child and make him more involved/less likely to leave us."
Both our DCs have my surname, with DPs surname as their middle name. We are the only couple I know who have done this. My mother-in- law is slowly getting over it (four years in).
My boss and his wife gave their son his surname and their daughter her's.
Surely the starting position has to be that babe gets mother's surname?
Doesn't seem to make sense to assume father's surname if this isn't a shared family name, especially given that you can re-register the child's birth on marriage (thus saving any faff with deed polls and extra documentation).
Assuming father's surname is the default and any other choice must be justified basically assumes the mother is of no importance.
If you are Firstname MiddleName Herlastname Hislastname.
Then you could be FM Herlastname Hislastname, which people with shorten to F Herlastname.
Or you could be FMH Hislastname.
Which one gets "forgotten about" depends on how you do it.
Do as the Spanish Do and double barrel
We have double barrelled our kids - and we are married. They don't often use it, but it's there if they want it!!
I have twins who have their dads very long asian surname (5 sylables)as a third name. They have my surname as theirs as I was the last person in our family with my, 4 sylable, surname which I kept after we married. It was his choice for the kids to have mine so our children would not be judged by his surname and lame attempts at trying to pronounce it. My sister has two children who have double barreled her surname first with partners last - a 5 + 2 sylable. Sounds fine and the kids have even said theywill use either/both when they want.
Surely saying its it's up to the kids with double barreled surnames to pick which they keep / double barrel when they marry other db-ers, just forces the decision that YOU Couldn't make onto them? And if they do drop your bit will you be offended then?! Will there be loads of threads on here in 2030 from children with that dilemma?!
Also to those saying about giving people a slap who prefer their partners surname. Do feel free! I cannot WAIT to have a decent surname! Having been saddled with a difficult to prunounce, odd to spell one I can't wait to ditch it!just think about what you're inflicting on your kids op, if db sounds silly then flip a coin and pick one!!!
If he wants baby to have only his last name, tell him to marry you quickly. Get a date and go sign the register. Why on earth would you have to wait until baby is a teenager?
... except if he is already married with no divorce date in sight, in which case I think you should just laugh when he mentions the word "traditional"
No one is saddled with a surname. You can change it by deed poll whenever you like.
I like the Icelandic method, but I don't fully understand it
Something about putting 'dottir' on the end of names, meaning so and so's daughter.
Icelandic method takes the dad's name and puts -son or -daughter at the end. So Rose and Harry whose dad is called James would be Rose Jamesdottir and Harry Jamesson. Traditionally again only the father's name is used, although nowadays some people also use mother's.
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