Prenatal depression / anxiety - absolutely desperate

[essabest]

I can't believe I am here again. I am 42 (43 in November) and 27 weeks pregnant with my third child. It was unplanned and a big surprise. At first I was unsure whether I would go ahead with the pregnancy, but I have loved being a mum to my two DCs aged 7 and 5 and thought that another in the mix would be lovely.

I did have reservations - about my age, the gap between the DCs and also I am overweight, so I worried about enduring another pregnancy with all the extra stress that this would bring. I was also very conscious of the fact that I experienced quite horrible PND with DC1 and again (though less severe) with DC2. However, optimistically, I thought that having been through it twice before, I would be able to weather the storm and be fine.

I experienced quite severe morning sickness in the early weeks, but up until two weeks ago, I was mentally absolutely fine. I had the usual worries, but they felt manageable. Then suddenly, completely out of the blue, I had a horrible sleepless night, tossed and turned literally all night feeling extremely anxious and since then, I feel like I'm back in those dark dark days of the depression / anxiety I experienced when I had PND.

I have only been able to sleep for a maximum of three hours per night, each night, for the last two weeks. I can barely function in the day and am consumed with anxiety which - despite how many times I try to talk myself out of - I can't get rid of... Feel like a zombie, , can't concentrate on anything and worry incessantly about having yet another sleepless night.

I feel like I don't want the baby any more and am cursing myself that I took the decision to go ahead with the pregnancy. What on earth was I thinking with my history? (though I have never before had problems with mental health - only during / after pregnancy).

I have booked an appointment with my GP, but that is still a fortnight away and am due an antenatal appointment on Tuesday so I will need to discuss treatment options with my midwife / consultant then.

I am adamant I don't want to take anti depressants as the thought of the potential side effects on the baby makes me almost delirious with worry.

However, I just don't know how I'm going to continue to function for the next 12 weeks until the baby is due and I can start medication. Am also so so worried about the effect my anxiety may be having on the baby - I read that insomnia causes high blood pressure and cortisol to flood your system which leaves me terrified the baby will end up with autism.

I'm trying so much to believe that this won't also develop into PND as the thought of going through that again in those dark winter days is terrifying.

Please - if anyone has an advice for me - it would be very very gratefully received.

Sorry for the long rant.

[thebestthinginlifeisgrace]

Do you have a perinatal mental health team in your area? They were invaluable when I suffered from PND and I found them extremely supportive and knowledgeable

[thebestthinginlifeisgrace]

Also, I would speak to your doctors/midwife again, say how you're feeling and see if you can get an emergency appointment

[CottonSock]

Yes as above. You can't wait two weeks. Ring today?