I am struggling today

[ChocolateTeacup]

Today I am finding very hard, I don't know why it is any harder than any other day but I just want to hide and cry.

I am pregnant with DC3, 22 weeks, we had to try for nearly 18 months (not long compared to some I know) I had sickness until about 17 weeks and this little one seems to want me to be mostly vegetarian. I have strong food aversions and my diet is crap.

I have SPD and currently have crutches as the physio didn't want to treat at the time as I was in too much pain. I am going back on Thursday and hoping the physio will help. I have Codeine to take when the pain is too much but the last time I gave in and took it I had horrible stomach pains. So generally I don't take anything. I can't even manage walking around a supermarket without the crutches. anything more than around the house is like a mountain to climb.

I have been signed off work for 2 weeks and this is the start of the second week, due back next Monday. I work in admin for the local council, I enjoy my job but my manager is awful, she shared details about the lack of risk assessment for me with an equal colleague and when I called her on it said it was my fault because the colleague knew I needed one, then authorised the colleague to have access to my emails despite this never having happened before when I/others was off. I got IT to shut down access but still it felt like a direct attack from her because I dared to challenge her. I'm dreading Monday and speaking to her because I know I will probably end up crying.

This is my third child and my partners first, my DC1&2 are aged 8&9 and stay with their dad half the time, he was an abusive bastard emotionally with me. I am now scared for the boys because the school are putting in a referral to SS re him as the youngest said about seeing his Dad kicking his new GF.

My partner is wonderful, I love him dearly and I am treating him like crap, I feel I have withdrawn and don't want sex because my life is pain. I am snappy and distant and he really doesn't deserve it.

I don't know what to do, I can't wait to have our little one in my arms but at the same time I really wish I wasn't pregnant because I can't cope with the pain all the fucking time. I wake up every time I need to roll over, I'm exhausted, I'm a useless drain as even trying to manage cooking and general household stuff is just too hard. I'm stubborn and independent and don't see why I can't just cope. I am pregnant not ill or disabled but everything is just too hard.

I really don't know how to cope with another up to 20 weeks of this.

[pippistrelle]

I hope you managed a decent night's sleep, and are feeling a bit brighter this morning, OP. That is a lot to deal with, and it's no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed.

Dealing with your physical pain is the key thing, and I hope your physio will help with that. But in the meantime, you can see your GP again if the pain relief medication you were given just makes you feel ill in a different way. There may be something different you can try.

I'm not sure I fully understand the situation with your line manager, but it sounds very difficult. Are you in a union, because it sounds like the sort of thing they could help with with. If not, then I think I would be speaking to HR before I went back to work.

The situation with your boys is very worrying, and one where I don't feel at all equipped to offer any advice, but I feel sure that there are posters here who could help, and I wonder if you might consider posting about that issue in the Relationships topic?

[ChocolateTeacup]

Thank you Pippistrelle,

I had physio today and I'm sore but it's a different kind of sore iyswim.

I have an appointment with the GP and HR on Monday

Thank you for reading and making me feel less alone

[pippistrelle]

I hope the different kind of sore is the start of some sort of progress. If not, then really keep on at your GP. I just feel that if your pain is managed then the other issues won't seem so insurmountable. Sending you positive vibes.