PND and Anxiety

[LoreleiLee80]

Hi,

I had a baby 13wks ago (I was a surrogate) and was diagnosed with PND 6wks ago, been on AD's for 4. It was my 4th pregnancy, and looking back I'm pretty sure that I suffered with PND to varying degrees with my own 3 as well, but dealt with/fought it myself. This time however it's been harder to cope with myself and became apparent much sooner. I feel that the AD's are helping my mood (I don't burst in to tears at the slightest thing or have as any dark thoughts any more), but I'm really struggling with paranoia, and in particular, anxiety, and it all seems to surround my DH.

I don't have much confidence or self-esteem at the moment and am so worried that my DH finds other women more attractive than me and feel that I'm just not good enough. He's constantly telling me that he loves me, how much he fancies me, that he thinks I'm the most attractive women in the world, and he would be nothing without me, but why can't I accept and believe that? I get so anxious and find myself checking his phone, Facebook, and emails. I hate that I'm doing it, but I can't seem to stop myself, it's like I'm looking for something to explain or justify the way I'm feeling, even though I don't actually believe that there is anything to find.

The only way I can describe it is like having an angel on one shoulder telling me to believe and trust what DH is telling me and that he's not up to anything, but then there's a devil on the other shoulder casting doubt over it all. We did have issues about 7 years ago when I stumbled across flirty Facebook messages between him and an old female school friend. We dealt with it at the time, he swore it was an error in judgement and that he would never do anything like that again. It's something that I've obviously never forgotten about, but it had stopped being an issue for me, until now. I've tried talking to him about it, but he gets understandably angry and frustrated at me for bringing up something from the past that we'd previously worked through. We've had 2 major arguments about it in the last 6wks where he gets so angry with me, and I end up hysterical and a complete mess

I'm so frustrated with myself for doing the things that I am and being this way, but when I'm in those irrational moments I can't seem to see it, and then afterwards, when my rational side returns, I feel so stupid and like a complete bitch.

The AD's that I'm on are meant to help with anxiety too, so is it just a case of waiting until they properly kick in? I did see my Dr last week and told her that anxiety is still an issue. She prescribed another months worth at the same dose, as she said it had only been 3wks so there was still time for them to start to work fully, but that she'd see me again in a couple of weeks and would up the dose if the anxiety was still a problem.

I just don't want to feel like this anymore, and don't want to be blaming DH for it all because he really doesn't deserve it, and he's trying his best to be understanding and support me, but it must be so hard for him. I don't really know what I'm asking, or if any of this makes sense. I suppose I just want to know if it's normal to feel like this with PND, or if anyone else out there has the same issues?

Thanks for reading.