Is this PND? I feel ashamed if so.

(26 Posts)
littleraysofsunshine Thu 27-Feb-14 18:29:50

I had my ds four weeks ago. I also have two dds. (3&21m) so it's all pretty hectic. Plus dd1 started preschool so it's manic for a 8:30am school run.

Ds is slightly more demanding than dds were. Feeds 2hrly, fussy feeds, cries a lot more. And I feel like my stress is going into him. My dd1 I didn't feel this way and with dd2 I did a bit but not as bad.

I just feel out of control of my own feelings, I feel hopeless when I don't get five mins to myself. I am snappy, tired and it's Also making me snap at dp and dds. It's making me miserable. I end up losing patience easily. Then sit in tears thinking I'm a failure. I'm not use to a baby that cries a lot or fusses lots (only this week / he's four weeks old) plus meeting the demands of dds. Trying to keep my relationship loving and happy but were by far a happy home.

I don't know if it's the demands of motherhood making me this way or me making matters worse with my low mood.

I hate feeling this way, I want to feel happy again, not have horrible tearful moments every single day. Hiding it from the outside world, the only people who see it is in our home.

So I probably am the issue. Surprised dp hasn't left me by now the way I am.

Bumply Thu 27-Feb-14 18:32:32

If it's PND then it is the issue not you!
Have you spoken to your HV?

BrennanHasAMangina Thu 27-Feb-14 18:37:28

Lady, you've got three under three! The early days are really tough and lack of sleep muddles everything. It can make you snappy and irritable and weepy at the best of times. Add to that three demanding tiny people and you've practically got a recipe for PND. Go and talk to your GP and explain how you're feeling. Don't feel ashamed; they will have heard it many times before. Sometimes those bad feelings will lift when you start sleeping properly again (might be a while for you yet smile ) and sometimes you need a little physical or pharmaceutical help to get through it. Lots of people on MN have been through this too so come and chat here when you're having a rough day flowers.

muddylettuce Thu 27-Feb-14 18:40:22

Darling, speak to your hv or gp. I had pnd with my first. I cannot imagine how you must be ffeeling with 3. Overwhelmed I'm guessing. Hugs. X

littleraysofsunshine Thu 27-Feb-14 18:43:05

Overwhelmed, guilty, tired. Pretty much sums it up hmm

Ra88 Thu 27-Feb-14 18:51:10

It is difficult in the first few weeks . My dd is 5 and testing my patience daily , my DS is almost 4 weeks and he is NOTHING like how my dd was as a baby. He is exactly how you describe but you just have to take each day as it comes as babies change so rapidly , it won't be like this forever even though to us both , it sure seems like it !

wafflingworrier Thu 27-Feb-14 19:07:25

speak to your HV or GP, whether or not it's PND you need to have someone to talk to, just talking will help. you are completely reasonable to be finding it hard-it IS hard! you are not a bad mother, you are doing your best under really hard circumstances.

littleraysofsunshine Fri 28-Feb-14 07:17:04

I just feel angry at myself for allowing it to get to me. To be feeling like this.

Don't be angry with yourself - you cannot help the way you feel. Most people would be overwhelmed in your shoes. A friend of mine has 3 under 3 and nearly had a breakdown :O

littleraysofsunshine Mon 03-Mar-14 10:11:49

It's horrible when one day you feel fine then the next rock bottom. And having the feeling of not being able to cope. Or if you are, you're literally just coping.

Today has been a good day so far, kids slept better, so this helped.

I need to simplify my life and expectations in order to help myself though I think

kalidasa Mon 03-Mar-14 10:18:40

Lord, with three at that age I would be amazed if you weren't feeling like this! Have you got any help? If not, can you afford any, or call in any family assistance? Even my mother - who is a super-coping, do-everything-myself bit-of-a-martyr type if I'm honest! - hired a mother's help pretty quickly when she had three at almost exactly the ages yours are (3, 18 months and new born). I think it is sensible to see the GP but really I would focus on the practical stuff first - if you could get a bit more sleep and a few minutes a day to yourself with a cup of coffee that might be all you need to lift your mood.

ithoughtofitfirst Mon 03-Mar-14 13:33:35

"don't be an asshole to yourself"

You are overwhelmed because it is overwhelming. You are a total hero. Be really, really nice to yourself as you would a friend. Any chance you get for some alone time and pampering just DO IT. And don't feel bad.

BrennanHasAMangina Thu 06-Mar-14 17:25:17

How are things today, OP? thanks

I forgot to say that what really helped me on the bad days was to think in terms of 'survival mode'. You're not always going to be able to provide your children with a perfectly enriching, peaceful, educational experience when you've got three that age to look after. Count your successes (breakfast, shower, walk around the block etc.) and don't dwell on all the things you can't get done.

Also...my top tip!...AVOID the grocery store with all three. You will likely cry before getting to the cash register. Actually, I still live by this rule and mine are 12, 9 and 7 grin.

littleraysofsunshine Thu 13-Mar-14 10:25:47

It's been in waves really. I just want to not feel like a ticking time bomb!

I sat and cried to myself yesterday when thinking why my two dd's behaviour has changed. I don't play with them enough, and when I'm with them I'm always distracted. So I felt bad about this sad

littleraysofsunshine Sat 15-Mar-14 09:54:16

Having a bad morning. Felt fine all week really. Today I'm tearful. Hating myself. How is this right? It's always in waves. Like once a week or when things feel tougher.

kalidasa Sat 15-Mar-14 17:00:38

Have you seen your GP littleray? What sort of support do you have from DP/DH or grandparents/friends etc? Have you spoken to anyone about how you are feeling? I'm sorry you are feeling so low.

Your DS must be about six weeks now and I remember that phase being really hard, you are getting so tired and there's not much relief/routine yet. I can't imagine how you are coping with three!

littleraysofsunshine Mon 17-Mar-14 11:36:46

Haven't spoken to Gp.

It's hard because 90% of the time I am soooo happy. Cope well. Have fun being a mum. Then recently I hit rock bottom. Doubting myself. Kids being challenging.

I've had the morning from hell attempting to go shopping with dd2 and newborn. Why do I do it to myself? This is what I think is more the issue than Pnd. Is I made bad choices. Try to do it all, be super mum. Brave face.

I haven't eaten today, that's another big issue of me coping. I don't take give minutes to look after me. It the kids and everyone else all the time.

Is this more the issue?

Plus I think ds had colic? His crying has been awful at certain times this week. Never experienced this before. Or reflux? He's just sooo gassy. Fussy on feeds sometimes too and has has episodes of big crying/screaming and nothing I do helps.

littleraysofsunshine Thu 20-Mar-14 17:22:42

Take today: Greta day until the last hour. All I wanted was a wee in peace. Or 7 wo to sleep. Both girls scrapping over te same you waking up baby. I then lost my rag and grabbed dd2 arm and said get out the toilet please and put her on her ed quite heavily. hmm Then apologised. Now all three kids are either scrapping or crying.

Awful hour. I feel so drained and sick

Much sympathy little ray. How are you now?

I have this. Started after dd2 who had been a much harder baby. She's now almost 1.5 and I'm still in a very bad place.

Get help now before it escalates. I used to cry all the time. I convinced myself it was normal. It wasn't.

How

littleraysofsunshine Sun 23-Mar-14 23:17:48

Having a bad night. Ds is having up& down feeds so it's making me feel helpless.

Just sitting here sobbing because he's not feeding right.

Why am I feeling like this on and off? Only when things seem tougher, tiredness is the big issue, me not feeling myself, and just competing against myself and how chilled out I used to be

Great way to end the weekend which had been good up until now

littleraysofsunshine Sun 23-Mar-14 23:34:25

I've got a lump on my head too where I've got frustrated and thrown my head back but whacked it on the sodding headboard sad(

Tranquilitybaby Sat 05-Apr-14 08:04:55

How are you doing now? Be kind to yourself, you have three very young children, it's going to be tough at times but as they grow up they'll hopefully start to amuse each other and be friends for life.

Can you do your shop via the internet to avoid the stress of taking them shopping? Also make you eat regularly even if it's little snacks and drink lots of water.

Hugs to you xx

Would you feel ashamed if you developed diabetes? Broke your leg?

No. And nor should you IF this is PND. It's simply a chemical inbalance in the brain.

I got it and struggled on far too long thinking I was a coper and this was beneath me. It was counter productive. You are your children's world. Thy deserve a happy world.

It's soooo easy to sort with a combo of medication and talking. PM me if you want. It will pass!!!

littleraysofsunshine Sat 05-Apr-14 23:32:55

My diet and fluid intake isn't the greatest. I need to start making myself priority too especially where I'm feeding. Not putting enough fuel back in so that's why I get moody I think.

Wise, littleray. The brain is a very delicate machine, made of chemicals. You need to put nutrients in so that it can fire all the little neurochemicals around that make you happy. But do go and get yourself checked out too, please.

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