Hello
I have followed a couple of threads on here to try to and find women in a similar position to me and it is sad and reassuring all at the same time to find that I am not alone. It is lovely to see how much support is offered in this topic.
I though it is about time I post.
I am not pregnant. I am not trying to conceive. I am only thinking about doing so. But I suffer from anxiety and the fear of relapsing is so much that I do not know if I am brave enough to start a family.
My husband and I have spoken about it and think it is something that we would like to do, but I don't know if can bring myself to voluntarily put myself forward for potentially suffering again. My decision whether to or not changes day by day depending on how I am feeling. Unfortunately I am not nor never have been broody (mid 30s), although I do love spending time with my friends children, so I don't even have an overwhelming need to allow my heart to override my head! I know that deciding to have children is a big decision and responsibility.
I have had a couple of bad episodes of anxiety over the past few years. One which seemed to come out of the blue (although I was turning 30 that year - subconscious panic?!?!) and which led to obsessions and depression because I had no idea what was hapening to me (the classic - "am I going mad"?). I then relapsed after a stressful life event which was just so hideous. I was on Venflaxine for both times (which worked wonders) and have had cbt/physiological help as well. I am about to come off the tabs, seeing a therapist and now practising yoga and so in theory I should be in a good place to start trying for a family next year. But I am being completely overruled by fear. I have learnt that much if anxiety is about an intolerance to uncertainty. Well you do not get more unknown that becoming pregnant. Its pretty much the only decision you cannot reverse once you do it. Hate your job - change jobs, fall out of love with your partner - get divorced, become pregnant then start to panic - tough!
I am so scared that I will not be mentally tough enough to be pregnant and be a Mum and will slip back into anxiety and depression again.....sometimes I just think, why would I put myself through this again?
So after that rather long ramble I suppose I am asking, for those of you who suffered anxiety and depression before you got pregnant. Were you scared, did you put off starting a family? How mentally "well" do I need to be to do this? You know - just a couple of easy questions ;o)
Thank you for reading and thank you if you choose to reply.
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Antenatal/postnatal depression
Anxiety and starting a family
9 replies
iwanttobebobcat · 07/12/2011 20:50
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