Not sure how to broach this with MIL

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

MIL believes in Angels. She talks about them all the time - anything not going right? Call the angels to help you. She has come to stay for a week and brought a box of angel cards/'special stones' feathers and meditation music.
Now she has 6yo DD2 completely believing all this stuff and gave her an angel feather to show at school, which had the expected outcome that some of the other children made fun and were (in her words) mean to her.
I am completely sceptical about all of this and, while I respect MIL's right to believe whatever she wants, I do not want her filling my DD's heads with it. When you are a child and someone you love tells you such things, you believe them to be true. There's no lightheartedness in it - she is almost indoctrinating her captive audience.
MIL is a lovely woman with a really good heart and I don't want to outright say 'Do you mind not filling them with this nonsense' but I really don't want them (DD2 especially) to be so full of it all. Fine, tell them about angels/fairies whatever and let them have their own little fantasies of the magic of it, but I do object to presenting it as fact. I don't want DD2 to be mocked because MIL has convinced her that it is all true and then sends DD into the world to convert the rest of her friends. How do I get it across MIL I am unhappy with the DDs being indoctrinated without hurting her sensitive feelings?

[diddl]

Why does it need broaching?

Can´t you tell your daughter that you & many others don´t believe the same?

Could you not have stopped her taking the feather to school?

[addictedishavingagirl]

i dont think it needs broaching with mil, cant you just talk to your dd and tell her that lots of people believe diffrent things, some believe in angels, some in god, some in karma etc etc but she can choose to believe what ever she likes but you believe xyz

[Angelcat666]

Can you not deal with it as Atheists do by telling your children that not everyone believes in angels/fairies, pretty much like not everyone believes in god.

[WingsTHEangel]

I think as she is only with you for a week I would leave it.
Maybe as you speak to her once she is home you could say dd2 has been teased at school because of the feather. You could say you appreciate what she believes in but perhaps the dd's are to young to fully understand.

[5Foot5]

How does your DH feel about this?

If he is as uncomfortable about the situation as you are then it might be better if he broached the subject with his Mum

[LittleMissSnowShine]

I was brought up pretty strictly Catholic myself with a lot of influence/input from my own granny. 14 years of Catholic school fostered a fairly healthy respect in me for religion/belief/faith and an equal conviction that while I don't have to believe something just because everyone keeps telling you to, I should try to respect other people's beliefs.

So, YANBU, but I have to agree that the way to sort this is not to broach in with your MIL. You just need to talk to your kids and explain belief systems to them, how it's ok to believe different things, nobody is necessarily right or wrong etc. It's an important life lesson if nothing else because they are sure to keep encountering people with different beliefs to their own and they need to know how to handle it respectfully without getting sucked into unquestioningly believing it themselves.

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

I did speak to DD2 about it this morning and she got quite upset because she doesn't seem to understand why people wouldn't believe it. She loves her granny and has accepted that whatever granny tells her must be true. I didn't know she had taken the feather (apparently MIL did) until she came home and told MIL that the other children had made fun of her (MIL said 'aaah').
DH thinks she's a bit mad but harmless, which she is, really. It's just not the way I wanted my children to be brought up and have always been very open and honest with them myself. It's trickier when it's closer to home - I don't want them to think I'm undermining their granny, but I can't get them to accept my way of thinking when she's so persuasive about hers.

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

Just realised my last post sounded a bit too much that I want to force them into my way of thinking - I definitely do not. What I meant to say was that I want them to respect the views of others, but question everything for themselves. Does that make sense?

[WingsTHEangel]

Maybe once granny has gone home you and your dh can talk again to dd.
I didn't know your dd told granny what the other kids had said.

[slushy06]

I think you are the one forcing her into your beliefs not your MIL tell her you don't believe in angels and let her make up her own mind.

I realize it is hard but what harm will her believing in angels and fairies really do. I believed in Santa till I was 11 the other dc didn't it never hurt me just meant I got to be a child and believe in magic for longer.

[FakePlasticTrees]

Are there children at DD's school with different religions? Could be time for "lots of people believe different things, their faith is important to be respected but you don't have to believe everyone else's views to respect them" type talk.

Have you and DH agreed on what sort of faith you want DD to be raised with? If so, you've got to tell MIL that you've agreed you'll give DD XYZ message and she can tell your DD about her faith but not teach DD your views are wrong (which she's doing by giving her feathers from angels as proof).

[NanKid]

Could you just have a chat with your children and explain that some people believe in angels, just like some people believe in God?

I have a very religious MIL and this is how I deal with her fairly constant bible bashing as regards to my son.

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

I have tried all these things with DD. I am not forcing her into my beliefs at all - I have none to force upon her and I'm perfectly happy for her to make up her own mind (in time) as to what she wants to believe in.
What I do object to is another adult in the family who does have strong beliefs pummelling my children with them and presenting them as fact. My own mother is religious, but she doesn't force her opinions on us. Because she knows that is what they are, opinions. We have always known what she believed in, she took us to church, we decided we didn't want to pursue that way of life, she let us make our own decisions. That was that.
MIL, on the other hand, is giving my six year old DD bloody angel feathers to take to school to protect herself and telling her to call on the angels for help if she needs it. I would rather she called on me for help and I could, perhaps, offer her some constructive advice that maybe would actually help her. Isn't that what mothers are supposed to do?
I don't want DD finding that however loud you call the angels, they don't offer you much protection in the real world. MIL has had a very tough life and seems not to handle situations particularly well. She retreats to her room to meditate while her life slides slowly down the pan. I don't want that for my DDs.

[piscesmoon]

Does it really matter? DCs at that age like the idea-it goes with pink, princesses, fairies etc. I wouldn't make a big thing about it, just make it clear-if it comes up that you, and lots of other people don't believe in it.

[Missus84]

Does your DD know the truth about Father Christmas? I'd approach it that way - remind your dd about when she used to believe in Father Christmas and tell her granny feels the same way about angels. However you and daddy know they're not real, and she doesn't need to take a feather to protect herself.

[slushy06]

Ah but the feather is surely the same as a kind old lady who gave me a rosary for dd not forcing my 10mo dd just a gift.

Your dd has chosen to believe this already she has made her choice. Explain your view, move on. She will forget in a few years unless you make a big deal of it and then she really will follow it.

[piscesmoon]

I agree slushy-if you make a big thing over it, that is what DD will remember. Don't attach any importance to it-it is taking a sledge hammer to crack a nut. Just point out, in passing that everyone has their own beliefs and granny enjoys hers.