Positive thinking needed please.

[Beachbreak]

I am worried I'm being unreasonable to DP but I just can't seem to help the terrible anger I feel towards him and I keep losing my temper with him.

We met when I had come out of a really difficult relationship, I'd spent a long time extricating myself, selling the house, sorting the divorce and basically getting back to being me. I was finally pursuing my goals again, had left teaching and was re-training and was in the process of sorting out emigration to Australia to live near my Godchildren, which I've wanted to do for years. I wanted DP to consider coming with me but he refused. He said he has an obligation to look after his parents when they get old and infirm (which they aren't yet) and he couldn't move overseas as his mother is scared of flying. He said we could still have a wonderful life here and go on lots of holidays.
To cut a long story short, I love him so I stayed. Since moving here, and buying a house I have found out that DP is actually in a lot of debt. So far from having lots of holidays, we are struggling financially. We have 9 week old DS and I'm worried sick about money and scared I'll have to go back to work while he's still really young. We also now live 10 minutes down the road from his parents (who I can't help resenting as they are the reason I'm not livign in the sun) and I am expected to take DS to see them at least once a week and it's even worse becuase DP has borrowed money off them so I now feel obligate to see them!

AIBU to be so angry with him? I feel I was misled, I gave up my dreams and independence to be with him and he lied about his situation and what our lifestyle would be. But I do love him, I love DS, who I wouldn't have had without DP and we do have friends nearby and I could be happy here. How can I put aside all the anger and hurt and try to enjoy what I have? Any advice here? I know it's a long thread, sorry, but I feel I'm destroying my relationship with my negativity.

[AgentZigzag]

I hope I'm not just stating the obvious, but it looks like you don't want to be with your DP and are only staying with him because you feel obligated to.

You don't like the life you have, or his parents, the state of your cash, and really just the general lifestyle.

You love your DS of course, but that doesn't mean you have to love your DP especially after he missold his life to you.

I wouldn't expect to feel the same about someone who had blatently lied to me like that, relationships are about honesty and trust, and saying that, have you ever told him about why you're so angry with him?

[AgentZigzag]

I didn't mean that last sentence to sound so accusatory, sorry, I just meant does he know you feel like that?

[Beachbreak]

I know what you mean .
He does know I'm angry, we keep rowing about it. He feels awful and is doing his utmost to make it up to me. He is so rubbish with money that he didn't seem to realise how much debt he was in, and it seems he got into it by living the lifestyle he was promising me. He is a very kind, loving man and he actually does want to give me everything he promised...

Does that make it sound any better? I dont' think it does. He made a mistake and knows it. How does me making him feel like sh*t about himself the whole time help the situation? Surely I should just try to be happy with what I've got?

[Angelcat666]

I'm with AgentZigZag. What she's said makes a lot of sense.

FWIW I'd be angry with your dp if I was you. Maybe counselling would help?

Sorry, not much help am I.

[AgentZigzag]

If you stripped away everything that's making you angry about being with him, would you love him?

If you do, you don't have to just be happy with what you've got, you can have something else but still be with him. And TBH, it sounds like you could have fundamental problems with being happy with the situation as it is.

Having debts to pay off doesn't mean there aren't other options, like moving further away from his parents?

You sound like you're imprisoned and want to be free.

[Beachbreak]

Sorry about delay replying - been feeding DS.

I do love DP. We have fun together (when we aren't rowing!) and he is a kind man who wants to make me happy. I think if I stripped away the anger and resentment then yes, I do love him. His parents are part of the deal, non-negotiable. And apart from them, I like where we live. You are right though, I do feel a bit trapped. I guess I see Australia as my lost freedom. But who's to say life there would have been any better? I wouldn't have DP or DS for a start.