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AIBU?

To take my kids on holiday without DH?

18 replies

QSincognitoErgoSum · 14/06/2010 20:55

We cannot seem to agree what to do for summer holidays. I want (for the first time in 8 years) a nice and relaxing beach style holiday, where the kids play on the beach, and we just chill.

He wants an active holiday with campervan, but at the same time he is pissed off with me that I am not fit enough to have a cycling holiday, and is effing and panting about there being NO point in even taking the bikes.

I am knackered. I have had one heck of a few years, for the last few years. I am behind with everything. The last thing on my mind is exercise. Heck, I get up 7 am with the kids every day, take them to school, do all the housework, have my job, juggle our rental property in London (with many many issues) my elderly parents (mum with alzheimers and dad who is paralyzed after a stroke), and he farking blame me I have not had time to stick to a fitness regime. I am living a launrdy and mess mayhem!! WHEN should I exercise..... I take the kids to their activities, and manage everything to do with them.

He focuses on : His work. He might unload the dishwasher a few times per week, and clear some of the dishes from the dinner table, and that is it.

I want to book a beach holiday to either Portugal or Italy, and take the kids, but not him. AIBU?

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marialuisa · 14/06/2010 21:00

No, I take DD away w/o DH pretty regularly. He hates the heat (anything above 23 degrees), beaches, lazing around but we love it. When we do "sunshine" holidays as a family it's really stressful but DD and I have a great time on our own.

zerominuszero · 14/06/2010 21:22

YANBU. But, if it was me, I'd probably try to find some kind of beach holiday that incorporates activities one way or another. For example, my honeymoon in Mauritius was effectively a beach holiday but if OH had managed to get hold of a bike, he could have cycled about merrily. Admittedly, this would mean you and your husband separating during the day, but surely that's better than not going on holiday together at all??? Also, swimming in the sea / in the pool is an activity in itself.

I sympathise with your husband if he really hates beach holidays, but I can't see how there can't be a compromise in there somewhere.

QSincognitoErgoSum · 14/06/2010 21:25

We have done what he wants every year, since the children were born.
Ie, go see his family in Poland.
I want to do something different. I have offered him to come, it is just ONE week out of 4 weeks off. But no. Campervan trip, or no trip. And you dont get far in just THREE weeks. SO all four it has to be.

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QSincognitoErgoSum · 14/06/2010 21:26

He does not want to come. Not even for a week. He wants us all to be together, and do what he wants, ie camping holiday for 4-7 weeks. He wants me to want the same as him, and he is upset that I am not keen.

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Greythorne · 14/06/2010 21:28

Surely there's a compromise?
You take the DC's to a warm beach holiday for a week sans DH, then he takes the kids somewhere for sports and cycling and the like.

QSincognitoErgoSum · 14/06/2010 21:30

I dont think he is keen on doing it on his own. The youngest is 5, the oldest 8.

To be honest, I feel very hurt and upset with him. I wish he did not make such a big issue about my lack of fitness, he is making a point that I am not the woman he wants me to be.

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Morloth · 14/06/2010 21:33

Not fair, I don't think they realise that that sort of holiday is not actually a holiday for the mum most of the time.

Who does the packing? The sorting of the food? The cooking? etc.

Tell him that for one week every year you are going to go and lie on a beach (obviously assuming you can afford this), you would like for him to come along and are happy to take the children, but this is what will be happening.

1 week out of 4 is not too much to ask.

Alambil · 14/06/2010 21:36

Go

you need it.

don't think twice.

it's totally his loss.

Kiwinyc · 14/06/2010 21:52

Good grief. I don't know how you've put up with him for so long.

Go and DO IT. Put yourself and your needs first for once. You deserve to get what you want.

fedupwithdeployment · 14/06/2010 22:05

He sounds like a complete pain.

What about compromising somewhere like France...plenty of beaches and cycling opportunities.

I am "thinking" about taking a bike on holiday (I know I won't!) but know that DH will go off for a day or so (out of 2 weeks) or a couple of mornings on his bike. We will also spend family time "relaxing" with teh boys on the beach. And I will have some me time. (FYI I work full time and DH is in the Navy and has been away for 8 months and I need a break too!)

FortunateHamster · 14/06/2010 22:23

It's weird to me that he would insist on such a loooong holiday (but I am totally biased as after a week away I start longing for home and the internetz). It seems much fairer and more reasonable to have the kind of holiday you want, for once (!), which would only take up a week or so and then still leave plenty of time for madcap adventures if necessary.

I don't like the idea that he's making you feel bad about your fitness levels. You're doing a tough job 24/7, being fit enough for strenuous biking can go pffft.

halfawake · 14/06/2010 22:44

I think the bigger problem here is not the holiday itself but his attitude towards you - he seems a bit critical and unwilling to consider your opinions

I think he is being unreasonable if he won't reach a compromise.

What do the kids want to do??

QualityTime · 14/06/2010 22:48

YANBU, DH doesn't really do heat and pool lazing so my mum took DD's and I to an all inclusive resort. Was utter bliss, I still had to watch them but the food, cleaning, entertainment etc was all done for me.
Was bliss.

SO blissful in fact that DH would liek to coem next time as they had excursions, like a golf daytrip or archery or whatever, so I said we could both go, he could fuck off for the day whiel I laze in teh pool/beach with DD's and then we are all together for meals.

If he won't go then you go by yourself and don't feel remotely guilty about it.

mrsincommunicado · 14/06/2010 22:52

Too unfit! Neglecting your fitness regime!!
If my DH even dared utter those words I would be angered enough to put down my Grazia and cocktail, sit up on my beach lounger, stick two fingers up and tell the git to jog the fuckety fuck on.

Book yourself somewhere nice and beggar off without him. Leave him, his sweaty bumcrack and his bicycle behind.

QSincognitoErgoSum · 15/06/2010 11:29

I think I might have found a compromise.

A campsite on the beach, with swimming pool and waterslides, minigolf, playgrounds, canoo hire, cycle paths, skate board lessons , and fine dining....

Maybe there is hope.

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QualityTime · 15/06/2010 20:02

hat sounds lovely, how far away is it?

jicky · 15/06/2010 20:31

You should go here for a week or two on your own - and tell him its for his benefit as he is so concerned by your lack of exercise.

You lie on the beach and do a bit of light yoga and come back ready to face the camper van trip.

QSincognitoErgoSum · 15/06/2010 21:02

lol, if I had 5-10k to spend on a holiday just for me, I probably would!!

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