To not want my friend to come travelling with me?

[nobodysmama]

I am making plans to go travelling for six months, leaving in October. I was planning to go alone ? I?ve travelled independently a couple of times before so I?m quite comfortable with it. One of my friends has recently decided she wants to come with me. Initially, it seemed as if she could only join me for a few weeks which would have been OK but now she?s talking about taking a career break and coming with me for the whole time.

We?re good friends but our travel styles are very different and we?ve only been away together before for short breaks. I like to plan things so I know what I am doing and when and she is more impulsive and doesn?t worry so much about organising things in advance. If we were to go on a longer trip together, I think I would end up doing a lot of the organising because a) I?ve had more experience of travelling and b) I?m a bit of a control freak (I know that?s not a good thing!) so it would stress me out too much to rely on her.

I know this probably sounds incredibly selfish, but I?ve been planning and saving for this trip for a long time. My friend has got no money saved and would need to take out a loan for the trip. So if our budgets are vastly different that could lead to further stress.

I don?t want to put her off travelling, but I think she should come up with her own plans rather than just tagging along on my trip. I?ve asked her where she?d want to go (really broadly, i.e. what countries/cities do you want to visit rather than what do you want to do first when you get there?) but she doesn?t seem to have given it much thought. She can be quite insecure and has said before that she?s not sure if she could travel alone, or if she would like to. I?m worried that if I say I don?t want her to come with me I?ll put her off going altogether which I really don?t want to do.

I?m not saying that I don?t want to travel with her at all, but I do want to try and encourage her to make her own plans rather than just tagging along with me. If her plans end up fitting in with mine and we travel together for shorter periods then great as I?d be able to enjoy her company but know I could go off and do my own thing again soon.

I know I need to talk to her about this, how do I approach it without offending or discouraging her. Any advice?

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

Given that you like to organise and she doesn't, could you pick a particular part of your trip that you think she might enjoy (and where you could cope with her being there) and say, "Hey, how about we do this" country/city/on these dates/in this accommodation...

And then not mention that you'll be elsewhere before and after?

[moondog]

I don't think it sounds 'incredibly selfish' at all.
It';s your money and your trip.
Just say 'Thanks for offer but i really want to do this alone.'

[scanty]

do it your way or you might heavily regret it. I would probably enjoy going with your friend as I like to travel winging it - but each to their own.

[muggglewump]

YANBU.
I love to travel, haven't been able to do it for ages but no way would I let anyone come with me.
I have to do things my way, I am a control freak, but that's not a problem so long as I travel alone.

(as an aside, I am happy to travel with people I meet on the road, but that's for a short trip, a week or so, or even just a day, no long term plans, no fighting over where to go next, or who stole the shampoo.
A friend of mine travelled with a friend and one had the shampoo and the other, the conditioner, no, I don't know why either but they almost killed each other over it!)

You should do the same.

Travelling alone is amazing, I'm very envious.

I have ten years untill DD goes to Uni, and then I'm booking a flight to somewhere, with my trusty backpack!

[kickassangel]

i think you should stick to the original plan of her joining you for some of it & plan that bit. if she wants to do more, why not just say to her - well, you like to be more spontaneous, why not see how the first bit goes then decide?

she may well meet up with some other people & head off anyway. try to make it sound like you're thinking of who she is, how she likes to plan, how she would enjoy it, rather than as if you don't want her, iyswim.

[thumbwitch]

no YANBU. Travelling with someone for 6m would be hard enough going even if you were best of friends and had similar attitudes.

I went round Australia for 4w some years ago and at first I wished I had someone with me - but after a short while I was glad I was autonomous - no one else to worry about if I changed my plans suddenly.

I have also travelled with my best friend for 2w (hardly any length of time really) in Indonesia and we were both really pleased to be with each other and glad that we had not got our OHs there as they wouldn't have been as relaxed as we were (we are very similar in outlook and attitude).

I think she should decide which bit she wants to do most and just join up with you for that bit - otherwise it's going to be very difficult for you, and probably her as a consequence.

[sunnydelight]

YANBU, don't do it. You could easily end up with an ex-friend and a ruined trip. Not sure how you're going to tell her nicely though!

[TanteRose]

YANBU - it could potentially be a nightmare! Only suggestion would be to ask her to join you for a week somewhere, preplanned and arranged.

Have a great time - am v.

[nobodysmama]

Thanks for the responses and suggestions everyone. I think the ony way we could do it would to be to plan short periods of time together in advance. And thanks kickassangel, that's good advice to think of how she wants to do it and could be the way to approach it. I really hope she enjoys travelling as much as I do, just in her own way!