To be upset about this?

[Pushmeinthepool]

We went to a barbecue at my parents house yesterday. DH had a fair few beers but didn't seem drunk. He kept on "playing" with the children but just winding them up and making them scream, doing things such as picking them up and holding them upside down and even though they were both protesting he just kept doing things to annoy them, smirking away.

Anyway, he then started to throw these sponge tennis balls around everywhere, with quite a force; I was sitting on the grass holding the baby and one just hit me really hard underneath my eye and on my cheekbone, and it really really hurt. It was quite a shock too. I said that it had hurt a lot and he started saying "Don't make such a fuss, it didn't hurt at all, it's only a sponge ball", in front of everyone and belittling me. Then he was just arsey for the rest of the barbecue. So I just ignored him and carried on having a nice time.

When we got home he asked why I was being off with him and I said that the ball had hurt me and it would have been nice if he'd apologised and seen if I was okay, rather than just being horrible. He then went off on one saying that the ball didn't hit me at all, I was making it up as there was no mark, I was deluded for thinking it hit me, I should grow up, get over it and sort my life out.

I am/was really upset as I don't think I deserved him to say those things, and clearly it's what he thinks of me but only says when he's had a few drinks. It's the principle though; if I hurt someone accidently I say sorry and check they're okay, yet he tries to turn it back on me saying it's all my fault. I tried to talk to him last night but all he kept saying was "YOU started it. Get over it and grow up", so I just watched TV and then went to bed.

This morning he was up early for work and woke me and said he was so sorry about last night but I'm still upset as I don't see why it's okay for him to say/do what he likes and then just think it's okay to apologise and I'll be fine about it. :-(

[biddysmama]

yanbu.... what an arse!

[BuzzingNoise]

Ok, so he behaved like an idiot. But he has apologised. What else do you want him to do?

[Nessarose]

yanbu he's a arse.

[MumNWLondon]

Is he normally like that? My DH isn't but my BIL is; so if he's normally like that then I guess that you who you married?

Also out of interest who drove home?

[werewolf]

How awful and YANBU to be upset, of course.

Perhaps he was embarrassed about hitting you and hurting you and so played it down?

[Pushmeinthepool]

I did, MumNW.

No, he's not normally like that but he does do/say things like that occasionally

[Mowgli1970]

Yanbu - he was a twonk. On the plus side, he's apologised. Sit down with him tonight and go through the issues you've posted here - lack of respect for you and lack of support in front of your family. My dh would rather walk over hot coals than apologise, so if he does say sorry I know how sincere he is. Is he always like this or was it a one off?

[DaftApeth]

If this is a one off, accept the apology and move on but if this happens a lot (belittling you in public, blaming you for his actions, showing a lack of compassion) then re-consider your relationship.

[Pushmeinthepool]

No, no stresses at the moment. He's normally very easy going, he just has sudden outbursts like this from time to time, normally if he's had a few to drink.

I always think that if someone's had a drink, the "truth" comes out, which is why his outburst upset me yesterday......

[Boobalina]

My DH does this, until yesterday (when DS whacked me hard in the leg by accident) I yelped in pain and instantly DH said 'for god sake, they didnt hurt'!

I spun to face him and very sternly said - I have had 8 years of you saying 'oh that cant of hurt) when in fact you dont experience everything physically that I do and i am the best judge of what hurts me and not you. Never speak for me on that again'!

He said sorry and that he wouldnt - fingers crossed!

Sounds like DH was a bit pissed and being a nob. He has apologised and let it go now. I really would dwell too much on the truth part of being drunk - unless it actually true that he can be a nob head?