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AIBU?

to upset with DP??

18 replies

Linziwam · 26/04/2010 14:16

Hi all,
I've been involved in other threads but never started my own so here goes! I apologise in advance for how long this will probably be!

My DP have been together for nearly 4 years with one 16 month old DD. We've always felt the same about the importance of getting away with our friends for girls/boys weekends etc. DP goes away for weekends twice a year on average with his mates from back home (he moved from norfolk to bham when we bought a house together) I've always been perfectly fine about this. Still am. Sometimes some of his mates from back home that go are girls. Again, no problem with that. I've met them and hes known them for years. He says he really enjoys going without me becaause it's his chance to spend quality time with his old mates. Again...perfectly fine!

The issue is this: The next weekend they are planning, some of the girlfriends of his mates have been invited and are going. Some of the girlfriends that my DP doesn't know at all or not very well and have been with his friends a lot less time than we have been together. Am i wrong to think that if girlfriends are invited to this one, then i should be too??? He has said that he still doesnt want me to go, as he likes seeing his friends without me, but those friends girlfriends are going to be there!

I have absolutely no problem with him being away from me or with other women. I trust him, and i love a good weekend away with my girly mates, but if my girly mates were taking their DPs or DHs, i wouldn't dream of not inviting him!

The stupid thing is i probably wouldnt go, as we struggle to find babysitters for whole weekends. its just the principle!! :-)

OP posts:

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gingernutlover · 26/04/2010 14:19

YANBU to be upset that he has said he doesnt want you there - I would want a very good reason why.

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Linziwam · 26/04/2010 14:25

He just says that he really enjoys spending a weekend away with his old friends that he doesnt get to see very often, just as a mate, not a boyf or dad. I honestly totally understand that cause i feel exactly the same about my weekends away with my friends. Just really pissed off that i'm not invited even when other girlfriends have been asked! Thanks, i've been wondering if i'm in the wrong for 3 days now after our argument!!

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gingernutlover · 26/04/2010 14:27

i would be upset that he ishappy to spend the weekend with his old friends plus their grilfriends, but does not want to spend that time with you too - like you say, you probably wouldnt be able to go anyway but to feel that you arent good enough to go (this is what I would feel) must be horrible

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MintHumbug · 26/04/2010 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YesYouMust · 26/04/2010 14:31

I'd be cross even if i had no intention of going. YANBU

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GypsyMoth · 26/04/2010 14:33

YANBU but you need to get to the bottom of this!

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MadamDeathstare · 26/04/2010 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Linziwam · 26/04/2010 14:42

lol MadamDS! I do know his friends from back home as we go out when we go back to visit his family, and they're ok really (they're not as great as my friends though obviously lol)
And we do go away together too sometimes, with mutual friends, so i know he does enjoy going away with me too. just doesnt make sense that he's digging in his heels about this.
tbh, they go to 80s weekends at Butlins, so maybe i'm having a lucky escape! :-)

OP posts:

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gingernutlover · 26/04/2010 14:45

you are correct, his response doesnt make sense - you need a proper explanation.

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MadamDeathstare · 26/04/2010 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 26/04/2010 15:04

YANBU-of course you should be invited-and that should have come from him.

I hope he has a sh!t time and everyone asks why he didn´t bother to invite you!

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mayorquimby · 26/04/2010 15:08

I think YABU. If you've both always seen the importance of getting away and having time to yourself I don't see why this is different. He wants a weekend away, presumably he wasn't the one to change the dynamics and suggest GF's were bringing so still is probably just looking forward to his weekend away from it all.

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Linziwam · 26/04/2010 15:26

Thanks MQ, I hadn't thought of it like that :-) i'm still pissed off with him though!

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diddl · 26/04/2010 15:48

That is a point MQ-but the dynamics will be changed no matter who suggested it, so that (imo) OP´s partner isn´t really getting his "mates weekend".

It comes across more that he just wants the time away.

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SeasideLil · 26/04/2010 15:48

YANBU, if it's a lad's weekend, fair enough, but if it's a bring the partners/girlfriends/wives weekend, you are one of those and should have been invited. Is it really that bad with you there?!

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mayorquimby · 26/04/2010 16:13

i accept they have changed but the OP's original point was that they have both always valued their time to themselves/weekends away from each other. While she described them as boys/girls weekends she also quickly acknowledged that they have been mixed sex in the past. So it's a question of whether they've been treating the weekends as purely rekindling friendships or if both have been treating them as a welcome break from the family regardless of the sex of their company.
I can see why she may be irked and I don't have nearly enough information to say anything definitive,just trying to offer another angle.
TBH I reckon the husband is a bit pissed off all round as he was probably looking forward to the combo of weekend away and it being with people he knows well.

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Swanky · 26/04/2010 16:17

I can see both sides but I would be irked not to be invited if others were making it couples weekend - do you ever get a weekend away as a couple with the DC?

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Linziwam · 26/04/2010 16:30

swanky, yes we do quite often, my parents live in spain so we're lucky that we can go away cheaply together quite a lot.

i do see his side more since posting on here, which i guess is a positive thing. But i do still feel quite excluded, and am worried i'll feel really resentful when he comes back talking about people's gfs etc being there. The only reason i've always been fine with women going is because they were a couple of women that all the lads have known in a non-gf way since college and they're now well into their 30s. didnt feel like i had any right to muscle in on that. If its a case of women going that aren't a part of that I feel i should be allowed too. just feel a bit sad that obviously some of his mates are quite happy for their gfs to come, but not him!

Also, he really wouldn't be missing out too much on time away from the family in general. He'd be off on another weekend without gfs at all within 6 months believe me!