to be really annoyed at ds's teacher

[countydurhamlass]

ds (6yo) has slight special needs which the school is aware of although he doesnt have a statement.

ds is always coming out of school with his clothes on back to front/inside out/shoes on the wrong feet and the teacher doesnt seem to help him at all with getting dressed, don't expect them to dress him but guidance would be appreciated. they are aware that he struggles but they just let him.

then the other week another little girl cut his trousers with a pair of scissors whilst doing craft work. the teacher didnt even know about it - no supervision of the children it would seem

then ds was in an accident where a boy dropped a large box they were carrying between them on ds's foot, he was in alot of pain - you could see him hobbling about, and his toe was swollen and his toe nail black and blue, again the teacher didnt know about it.

in the last week of term ds came home twice with other people's jumpers on even though his name is in his jumpers and the teacher said it was his fault for not checking!!!

i feel like i am just going round in circles with the teacher and constantly having to remind her that my ds has learning difficulties and needs a little extra support that he is clearly not getting. its not that he needs alot of extra support just reminding about things (he doesnt always take in verbal instructions) and generally them being aware he MAY need help.

aaggggggggghhhh

[gingernutlover]

the clothes on back to front etc etc - sorry but with 30 in a class, you cant expect the teacher to ensure everyone looks at the end of the day, the same as they do at the beginning. Clothes on inside out or shoes on wrong feet might be slightly uncomfortable but will not do any lasting damage. It is normal, and would bet it is not just your son.

the cutting incident - it happens, the teacher probably didnt know because your son didnt tell her.

the toe injury - did your son tell her?

the jumper thing - not her responsibility to check everyones jumper I'm afraid.

i'm not saying you shouldnt speak to the teacher - but I dont think any of the things you mention are that unusual, and also not the teachers fault.

[Kneazle]

Is there a teaching assistant ? Can you go and talk to the SENCO. I have a dd with SN and the teacher has been very helpful so i think YANBU but i also know they have a lot on their plates.

[EvilTwins]

YABU I'm afraid. Teacher's job is to teach, not to check labels in jumpers.

It sounds frustrating, and I do sympathise, but none of it is really that serious in the grand scheme of things.

[JoeyBettany]

Get pally with the TA.

Are you able at all to be a parent /helper? IME this pays dividends in improving relations with staff members.

[gingernutlover]

Go in, speak to the teacher. But please do work with her and dont go in all guns blazing - that will not help you, her or your son.

[YesYouMust]

Sorry but my DCs all did this at this age, nothing to do with his needs imo.

How badly cut were his trousers?

[countydurhamlass]

gingernutlover, i have spoken to her and i think that's where the problem stems really - she just doesnt seem bothered at all , i think its her attitude rather than what happened that's annoying me more.

kneazle, there sometimes is a teaching assistant but its not always the same one, i have never had any problem with any of the other teachers who have always been helpful, i think its because they have always been so helpful that this particular teacher is annoying me with her attitude.

i think its just been one of those days today where i need to scream x thanks for listening.

[ShellingPeas]

It sounds normal to me - both my children have come back with clothes on inside out, back to front, wrong cardigans/jumpers etc and my DS has even managed to lose his trousers at school (coming home in his PE kit) and this is in Year 6 so he's 10!

[gingernutlover]

okay, what exactly are your sons problems?

What do you think might help?

Can you book an appointment with the SENCO to discuss things you could do at home and the teacher could do at school to help him with the dressing at all?

The other things I'm afraid are pretty normal things to happen in a primary school.

Is your son good at asserting himself to get help when he needs help or when he has hurt himself?

With the dressing thing, there are things that could be done which would really help and which wouldnt necessarily have to be done by the teacher.

Without knowing what your sons needs are its hard to know what might help.

[Hulababy]

I work as a TA in a Y1 class, with 5 and 6 year olds.

Getting dressed: Is it just the teacher or is there a TA in during PE time? Maybe the TA can assist? Yes, some guidance would be nice, but can be hard with 30 children in the class to keep an eye on. But the teacher and TA could give him a little extra guidance or at least watch over him a bit more, maybe by having him change towards front of the class nearer to the teacher's gaze.

Scissors - we don't supervise the children using the classroom scissors. Children can access them in various activities and in many lessons, and sometimes it can be all 30 using scissors at the same time. By this point in Y1 we expect the children to be ok using the school round edged scissors independeently. Obviously if a child's clothes are cut this is not good - but it is not always possible for the teacher or TA to see this happen, so it required the child to tell the teacher asap, so they can act upon it.

Dropping accident - why was your DS carrying a large box with another child? Was it heavy? Who had asked them to? I would be concerned if they were required to carry large heavy boxes - assuming heavy due to your description of damage to his foot - at school. H&S concerns? Where did it happen? Was the teacher not with him? Was he sent or did he go to medical?

Wrong jumper - it is up to your DS to check his own jumpers. Can he read his own name? If yes, you need to remind him to check. there is no way the teacher can be checking all 30 children to make sure they have the correct jumper on. If no, you need to consider some other easily identifiable key for your DS to be looking for.

Is your DS going through assessment for learning difficulties or SNs?

[HarrietTheSpy]

I think for a six year old it's not unreasonable to expect her son to get a bit more help and supervision in the areas the OP is talking about. It does sound to me like the teacher is possibly a bit stretched. I agree with the 'get friendly with the TA' comment - at three DD was expected to keep track of all her nursery gear and we were regularly losing stuff. It did kind of help to get them on side.

[hocuspontas]

Regards the toe, unless your son says something there is no way a teacher would know anything was amiss. You can only encourage him to speak up if he is in pain or uncomfortable. With the clothes, this sounds normal! Is he bothered about it or is it just you? Again, encourage him to think, do my shoes feel right, does my jumper feel right? If you speak to the teacher have a clear request in mind. Have you been specific about the extra support he needs? Other children's clothes - unfortunately this continues through juniors onto secondary!

[CirrhosisByTheSea]

Good post from Hulababy. Agree that the main concern is the dropping thing; wonder if they should have been carrying something heavy enough to cause that toe injury - I'd follow that up so you know what happened, and they can tighten up a bit if necessary.

On the other stuff yes I've long experience of wrong jumpers etc etc it is an annoyance but it does happen alot.

Other than that I just wanted to send you my sympathy; you are finding what I'm sure many others of parents of kids with moderate SEN have found; there just IS no extra help in the way you are describing, really.

FWIW I have learned that the only thing to help is to keep talking to the teacher; keep reminding them, keep your DS' needs in their minds - with the best will in the world, with 30 kids to deal with, the teacher will simply not do enough for your DS otherwise. Don't be afraid of doing it; the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

[RunawayWife]

I would speak to the senco and push for a statement

[seeker]

The only thing I would be concerned here is two 6 year olds carrying a box so heavy that dropping it would cause a swollen toe and a black and blue toe nail through a school shoe it must have been VERY heavy - what on earth was in it? The rest of it is normal year 1 stuff. Actually, it's pretty normal year 4 stuff, if my ds is anything to go by!

[kerstina]

YABU I cant help but think you should try working in a school and see what teachers have to contend with. The teacher is probably doing her best and has the bigger picture to worry about rather than just your child. A lot of children are not very good at putting the right uniform on regardless of special needs. They all look the same after all ! Parents just need to keep reminding them to check if the teacher is not. I am not a teacher but do a bit of voluntary work with the year one class at my sons school.

[countydurhamlass]

thanks for all your opinions, i know really that it is just normal primary school happenings but it does annoy and today has been a difficult day

ds is very shy and doesn't like being the centre of attention in a crowd. it is quite hard to say what his learning difficulties/special needs are as there are so many little things, he has fine motor skill difficulties and cannot do up buttons, struggles with zips alot, takes everything as its literally meaning, has verbal memory problems, speech and language problems, traits of ocd, autism (although these traits are very mild), his brain works slightly different to other peoples and he asks 101 questions over and over again because he sometimes his brain doesnt always take in what you have said the first time and so you spend all day reminding him to do things that you told him the day before. its sounds alot and probably is but everything is mild and the school are not too concerned education wise.

with respect of the carrying the box ds won't tell me too much, i think he was in a corrider and without the teacher, its a very security conscious schools with doors that you can't get into without being let in etc so the children are pretty free to roam through the school unattende. he won't tell me too much because he thinks he will get in trouble even though i have reassured him lots that he won't,it was the same with the scissors incident.

thanks all again for listening it is appreciated and i will take on board what you've all said.

[ScaredOne]

I can't help a lot but wanted to say something about the toe nail. I stubbed my toe a few weeks back, just randomly on a chair in the kitchen. I jumped around a bit, swearing and hating myself as you do but thought that's it. Turned out I had actually lost my toe nail. I didn't discover till taking the sock of. So it only took me to run against a chair to do so, the box might not have been as heavy as people think, sometimes you are just unlucky and/or the angle is particularly bad. Poor him though, black and blue toes hurt so much!

I would talk to the teacher about this one incident in case he was really carrying something particularly heavy. Children shouldn't do that. In regards to the clothing, I am sorry to say that the teacher is probably too busy. I like hullababy's idea though of making his clothes more identifiable. Is he allowed to have something attached to his jumper? As in a brooch or something (something cool and boyish of course ? Or can you draw something big on the name tag that he remembers easily, something he likes like a big red car?

[seeker]

Just checked my 9 year old NT ds's bag - he has no lunchbox, the wrong jumper, the envelope he was supposed to give his teacher this morning and 3 plimsolls (true as I'm standing here!) So I'm afraid it doesn't get better!

[Tiredmumno1]

We have the same problem with my ds, difference is he has a statement

[cory]

My ds has no learning needs but at nearly 10 is still capable of coming home from PE with trousers back to front and inside out, should probably consider myself lucky that he can't actually get them on upside down.

My take on it is that it doesn't affect either his safety or his learning, so I'm not going to worry about it.

[countydurhamlass]

thanks again, i have gone from being annoyed at the teacher to giggling at some of the replies, looks like its not just my ds that comes home without things etc

[gingernutlover]

for the dressing, would your son find visual prompts and a mirror helpful?

also, if he is shy about telling the teacher things, can you practice at home, so he almost has a script to say if he needs help?

[SofiaAmes]

ds is 9 and regularly puts his clothes wrong way round and inside out. All his trousers have holes in them and that's without anyone else's help at all - he's leaves in the morning with intact trousers and comes homes with holes in the knees....luckily we're in Los Angeles so shorts are acceptable most of the year. Today, he managed to forget his permission slip at home that I had handed to him as we were walking out the door....still not quite sure how it left his hands in the 10 feet between kitchen and kitchen door. He has done his head in twice tripping and hitting it on the same corner of the lunch room table. I expect next I will be getting a bill for damage he's done to school property. Teacher gave him the wrong math test last week by accident and despite it being much harder than the one the other 32 kids were taking, ds didn't notice and just took it. Last year we replaced 4 lunch boxes. In First Grade, kids went ice skating with after school club and ds forgot which ones were his shoes (they were new and he didn't recognize them) and teacher only knew they were his because they were last unclaimed pair. I now label all clothes, even the ones that aren't supposed to come off during the day. This is the first year (Fourth Grade) he has had a teacher who didn't complain about him on a daily basis. There are good teachers and bad. Just enjoy your ds and don't stress the rest of it.