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AIBU?

To be upset with my friend

8 replies

mumoffraser · 02/04/2010 09:30

my closest friend has 2 DC 4&8 yrs and I realise juggling motherhood & work is difficult but we have always had a relationship where you can ring any time of day or night wheter in floods of tears or not and have supported each other through hard times.

At the age of 37 I now have a DS of 13 weeks and have found the transition to motherhood very difficult after being so independant & working full time for so long.

We usually manage to meet up or visit at about twice a year as we live 3 hours apart but despite my best efforts during my pregnancy she was always too busy or never got back to me. When she finally had time I was nearly due, had high blood pressure & could no longer drive. Even when I was admitted to hospital I never got a call.

Since DS was born she has phoned once but texted lots to say I will phone you tonight but never does. I keep in touch with some friends via facebook and notice she is finding time to play games on there. That may sound contradictory on my part as I am blatantly on facebook too but not playing bloody farmeville or whatever.

AIBU here and should I just phone her and ask if everything is ok? Maybe I am still hormonal but I feel I have needed support and it has not been there. I know I am a stubborn cow but I feel quite sad about this

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ElleBing · 02/04/2010 09:53

YANBU. I would call her and ask her outright if there's anything up and if there is how it can be fixed. It's the only way you'll feel better and not risk severing a friendship over what could be a silly misunderstanding.

Good luck.

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Pozzled · 02/04/2010 09:59

I feel for you- I know how hard those first few months are. But, do you think your friend knows how tough it is for you? Have you tried phoning her and offloading, or are you waiting for her to get in touch with you? If I were you I would call and tell her how you're feeling, both as a new mum and a friend.
With regards to her not phoning- some people are reluctant to call new parents in case they or the baby are sleeping. Next time she texts, can you text back and suggest a good time to call, or say you will call her at a set time?

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castlesintheair · 02/04/2010 10:11

YANBU to be upset by this. Call her and have a chat. Fwiw, I was 'dumped' by a few friends whose children were older when I had my first. One of life's many mysteries which was very upsetting at the time especially in the early days of motherhood which can be quite lonely. You will make new friends though and you'll move on.

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BlueGreen · 02/04/2010 10:36

I would call her and ask. Maybe she meant to call but by the time she put the kids to bed and eat dinner...She might be thinking its late to call especially, now you have a baby.

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mumoffraser · 02/04/2010 11:31

Maybe she is just trying to tell me something anyway just left a message on her answerphone so the ball is in her court now.

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WhereYouLeftIt · 02/04/2010 12:50

YANBU to be hurt, but could I offer a possibility other than your friend is not much of a friend? Is it possible she is depressed? I have been in the past, and I retreated from friends and "hid" playing computer games. They occupy the mind whilst completely blocking you from thinking IYKWIM. Not much of a coping strategy I know, but it could be what she is doing.

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moominmarvellous · 02/04/2010 15:30

On the other hand, she may just see you as independant and doing your own thing being as you live so far away and doesn't realise how much you are relying on her for support?

I had a similar situation with one of my friends where she was, unbeknown to me, waiting for me to call her throughout her pg - she accosted me on Facebook one day demanding to know why I wasn't 'showing enough interest' while I had time to talk to other people. I had called her a few times, (I had a newborn and had just moved house myself, and theres only so much you can ask about a pregnancy between certain points.

She may think you have family and more local friends supporting you and not realise that she needs to step things up at this time?

Odd she hasn't visited the baby now it's here though.

I would say to be careful how you approach the subject, if you're too confrontational, you could push her away. People who for whatever reason don't need the extra support sometimes find it hard to understand people who do.

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mumoffraser · 02/04/2010 16:27

I am upset that she hasn't visited too...she was coming in January with her children, then in Feb with ther husband...still waiting. That probably hurts more than the lack of calls as she had 9 months to plan!