to let my last pregnancy put me off having another baby?

[RydellHigh]

DD is 14 months old. I love her to pieces and she is an absolute pleasure to look after. I've always said I only wanted one, but I am starting to feel broody again now and can't stop thinking how nice it would be to have another one.

But my pregnancy with DD was terrible, I was sick from the first day right up until the morning of my C-Section (she was breech) I had to give up my job due to the extreme sickness and spent most of it in bed!

But after DD was born I was diagnosed with several allergies, including Coeliac's disease and Lactose intolerance. And the doctors have speculated that may have been why I was so poorly during pregnancy, obviously my body was rejecting these things which were effectively poisoning me!

And so I am terrified that if I got pregnant again, I would be just as poorly. And it would be even worse this time with DD to look after, and I can't imagine being able to manage if I am as ill as I was the first time round.

What do you all think? Has anybody had one very bad pregnancy and then one good one?

Thankyou!

[SloanyPony]

I haven't in that the problems I suffered which are mainly due to pre-eclampsia happened again in the 2nd pregnancy due to pre-eclampsia but weren't as bad so quickly, if that makes sense.

Regarding sickness...I've known people to have been very sick with one and not the next. Obviously there are no guarantees but it does also sound positive that you have had some health revealations since your pregnancy - might make all the difference.

Worst case scenario is that it's as bad again - so you have to ask if you could handle that if needs be. Well, you could, because you did. On a plus point, I'm guessing weight gain isn't a problem for you? - maybe look at positives?

I didn't think I could go through what I did again (my main discomfort was due to severe and I mean severe swelling and I didn't think I could do that again but I did - and I got through it, in order to have my 2nd child. But much as I could otherwise handle 3, now I have one of each I can't justify putting myself through it a third time, so I dont think I will, I think I really have to call it a day.

[YanknCock]

Can't say whether YABU or not really. I've had the same thoughts after my disasterous pregnancy. Always thought I'd have more than one, but after puking till 30+ weeks, SPD, antenatal depression, horrible carpal tunnel and tendonitis, ending in an EMCS....I'm just not so sure anymore.

I feel like it wouldn't be fair to DS for me to be virtually incapacitated for 8 months. But no guarantees it will be as bad as the last time, and at least I would be somewhat mentally prepared for it.

[RydellHigh]

Thankyou for replying!

Gosh you must be very strong to have done it again, and it does give me encouragement that it would be ok.

Hehe no weight gain wouldn't be a big thing as I'm so limited with what i can eat. It's a miracle my DD was 7lb last time tbh as I weighed less at 9 months pregnant than I did before from being so sick, and I wasn't overweight to begin with.

I also have reservations about if I could provide the baby with the nutrients it would need given my food limitations.

Thanks so much for replying!

[RydellHigh]

Yank that's exactly my train of thought. I just wish I could know in advance what it would be like.

[FabIsDoingPrettyWell]

YABU

I can't have any more children due to a difficult labour. Sometimes that is just the way it goes.

I wasn't having any more after my first was born unexpectedly and by emergency section but I did change my mind but what I talked about in the first paragraph does mean I won't have a 4th child.

Do what feels right for you.

[fernie3]

If you really want another child and feel you could cope and have the support to cope if the sickness does return then I would go for it. I have had three difficult pregnancies with preeclampsia etc which have meant hospital stays etc but going into this fourth one I know that there is a strong possibility I will get it again but also that I CAN and WILL cope, and that like everything just be aware of whats going on and hope for the best!.

[SloanyPony]

Not sure of your financial situation but I was saying to DH the only way I could have a 3rd is if I had an au pair or basically a school run / pop to the shops / get the kids up for me / entertain them for a couple of hours while I have a kip type person.

Think about what is difficult with the sickness (everything, I know but is it getting up in the morning / moving around to quickly etc etc) and see if you can throw some money at the problem by hiring help?

It may not be in your financial capability but what if you saved up for a while?

I know it sounds drastic but some paid support might be all you need and depending on your situation, if you can find a way to afford it it might be the difference between another child and not, if that makes sense, even if you have to wait a couple more years and get some hired help to get you through.

That might not be the answer of course but the cornerstone of my philosophy on life is that there is no problem that can't be made better by throwing some money at it!!!

[IMoveTheStars]

YADNBU - We're putting off number2 for the same reason. I had sever SPD from 4 months, and from 30 weeks I could barely walk. I had antenatal depression and felt like shit. The birth wasn't exactly a picnic either.

We recently decided to have a second, but bloody terrified.

[farri]

With my ds1 I also suffered severe sickness and was hospitalised twice for it it was morning, noon and night sickness until the day I gave birth. I was also on crutches due to severe SPD.

So when I found out I was pregnant again when DS1 was 2 months old was mortified....I actually went to see a hypnotist for my morning sickness I was so worried that I would not be able to cope looking after a 2 month old while throwing up all day!

The morning sickness subsided at 22wks with DS2 but the SPD was unbearable (have heard that acupuncture is great for SPD)

Deep down I think you get the strength to cope and it all works out in the end, my DS2 is now 16 months and am so so broody!

[Booboobedoo]

RydellHigh - obviously YANBU.

However, if it'll hearten you at all, I'm pg with my second and am not suffering from sickness, despite having a similar experience to yours the first time round.

We were actively trying to conceive, but when I got the positive test I burst into tears of pure, abject terror.

So far, so good though.

You don't have to decide yet, either! Leave it a year!

[merryberry]

Hi RydellHigh. I had 2 OK pregnancies, but worsening immune issues with both. I would talk to the docs seriously about what your immune system was/is doing and what is likely to happen in a subsequent pregnancy - not just re: having the pregnancy issues, but the long term consequences to your general health. My cautionary tale is this, keep going through the gloom, I'm positive at the end:

After ds1, I developed auto-immune hypothyroiditis and an auto-immune gut. UCLH are currently enjoying themselves figuring out if I actually have chrohn's and coeliacs at the same time. I just got on with them, it didn't really register to be honest, just adjusted diet and popped the no-brainer thyroid meds. Noone mentioned this could be pregnancy related. The night after ds2 was born, my hands puffed up til I couldn't bend them. Long story short, I was diagnosed with another auto-immune disease, rheumatoid arthritis in the months folllowing his birth. Two years on, I am finally on a 80-90% effective treatment for that. I am also currently developing allergies, eg to mustard and lactose, never had before. The RA is a severe chronic illness, and I have a severe form of it. Luckily, modern treatments are fairly effective, though they are scary meds.

A suprisingly large proportion of new cases are new mothers. My rheumatologist says there's not enough science on it, but that clearly a number of us have immune storms during and/or directly after pregnancy. Mine have been after: my immune system is supressed in pregnancy to stop foetal rejection, and has bounced back far too hard after delivery, causing my issues. That's what I've been told.

I have had extended periods where I could barely function physically, with all the impact on mood, earnings, childcare, relationships, everything you can imagine.
Having of course gone through umpteen long dark nights of the soul about all this, if I knew before conception what I know now about my chances of further problems, I'd have still had ds2. He's a diamond, worth it all. But I do have to work hard to keep my show on the road with this array of auto-immune issues, and can't undersell how life changing it is. SO saying, please don't let me put you off, I mean it. The kids are so damned gorgeous together, and ds2 makes me laugh like a loon every day.

[jellybeans]

I have had horrendous pregnancies and births, including one which i nearly lost DS and almost bled to death. I lost 2 babies after 20 weeks and 2 other losses, totally destroyed any notions of enjoying pregnancy and taking for granted a healthy baby at the end. I was given a 50% risk of further losses late in pregnancy and >20% massive blood loss. I was absolutely terrified but desperate for another live baby.

I had to inject heparin into my legs daily (immune disorder) and have my cervix stitched up in an emergency op at 20 weeks. I also managed somehow to look after my 4 other children and stay off my feet. BUT it was so worth it to complete my family. DS was born with no problems and it is so nice ending my pregnancies days in a good and happy way. We were overjoyed to have him that we soon forgot the 9 months of stress and fear. There is a much higher chance that all will be fine, even with problems of any kind you will be more looked after and bad things don't always recurr.

[IMoveTheStars]

oh jellybeans

Congrats on your DS