To wonder if my SIL- to be has a problem with us?

[shockers]

My brother usually visits us on his own because his fiancee wants to spend time with her own family. Brother and girlfriend are in the south... we and her family are both in the north but not close by. I understand that she would like to spend time with her sister and neices and don't have a problem with that.

Christmas 2008, my brother went to her family and called in for an overnight stay with us to exchange presents and catch up. Christmas 2009, they had planned a 4 day visit with us on the way home for her folks which we were all looking forward to. My brother then phoned and said that GF didn't want to break up her journey home so they would just be calling in. He was pretty embarrassed that his visit was being cut so short.

On the day of the visit, I phoned to see what time they would arrive as I was planning to do a meal for them. He said that GF wasn't feeling well and they wouldn't be calling after all. By this time, he was obviously in a bad mood.

Anyway, I've spoken to her since and she hasn't mentioned not seeing us and has been very friendly on the phone.

BUT, I was looking through some old photos on FB and noticed that I'd forgotten to tag her. When I tried, it said that she had untagged herself from the photo previously. I checked the others and she has untagged herself from every photo. They were nice photos and she has lots of others where her friends have tagged her so she's not camera shy.

I don't think she likes us but I have no idea why... am I being silly?

[gingernutlover]

no i think i would be wondering what was going on in your position

[Northernlurker]

Why would she untag herself? How bizarre! Jolly rude as well to say yes to staying and then pull out. Yanbu.

[Slambang]

Sounds like she's upset about something. I'd try tackling it head on and just asking -Hey SIL, have we done something to upset you?

[ajandjjmum]

We have exactly the same situation, and have come to accept that SIL prefers not to visit us, and on the rare occasions she ventures North, prefers to spend the time with her 'own' family.

I know that she has made snide comments in the past about the fact that db and I speak regularly on the phone.

No reflection on you (or us!), but still quite sad.

[shockers]

I wondered if we had done something to upset her but we honestly don't see enough of her! You would ask her and not him Slambang?
They get married this summer and from what I can gather, it's only us on his side that are going. No aunts/uncles/cousins have been invited and his parents are overseas and don't really like GF.
I should add that bro and I only share a father. He has only been in Britain for about 15 years but we have grown very close.

[Boys2mam]

Have you tried talking to your DB?

[shockers]

I think I will Boys2mam, it's really bothering me. I just don't want to upset the applecart before they get married. On the other hand, I don't want to go to the wedding if she doesn't want me there.

[Coldhands]

Don't think of the wedding about her not wanting you there. Think of it as seeing your brother. Sounds strange though that you are the only ones invited from your side of the family. Does she have some sort of problem with her DF's whole family? It sounds like it tbh.

The photos thing does seem a bit strange too. If it was the odd one I would say its because she doesn't like it, but as it is all of them, I would send a message politely asking why she has untagged herself from them all as you thought they were quite nice photos. You could make it sound like you think she thought they were horrible photos IYSWIM.

And yes it was rude of her to totally cancel on you at xmas. Surely she could have spared a couple of hours. But I have a bit of a problem with my SIL. She never visits us and our DSs birthday was a few weeks ago and we haven't had her card yet as she wants us to go and pick it up, she didn't bother to come to his party and didn't even let us know, and she lives in the same city as us. TBH, she is a miserable drip so I'm not that bothered if she does have some sort of problem. I wouldn't let it worry you, it is obviously her issue and not yours. Next time if they are going to visit, don't go to any trouble beforehand.