to not want to get involved between my DC, my friend and her DC?

[Vallhala]

Trying to keep this short!

A friend had a serious domestic with her partner over the w/e (aggression on his part) which resulted in her and 2 of her DC staying with us Fri pm to Sunday am. Her eldest (DD, 14) was away and learnt of events via phone from her mum. Tried to keep my DDs (young teens) and friends teenage DS and 6yo DD occupied as best as possible whilst spending much time comforting and talking to my friend, Police visiting for statements and so on. Hence (unusually) gave the DC my laptop and permission to use FBook but on strict instructions NOT to discuss the friend's domestic problems.

Our teenagers all attend the same school though friends DC weren't in til today. Tonight I got an email from my friend saying that her DD14 has gone in this am to be greeted with many questions from peers over the domestic and the inevitable blown out of proportion embellishments. Friend swears that her DC have said nothing and that according to her DD it all came from mine.

Mine swear that her DD told another 2 pupils of the situation over the weekend and that they hadn't said anything. They say that one of the pupils concerned asked them about the situation on Saturday, using FB, and told them that friends DD14 had told them via text. The other pupil apparently told them today that they'd also learned of it this way from friends DD. I don't know who to believe though I do know that my DD14 can be very indiscrete and has been bollocked for this in the past by me. By the same token friend can sometimes be a little over-protective of her 'sensitive' DD14.

I've checked my DDs FB and there is nothing there at all about the weekend's events. Naturally I've emailed friend back, told her what my DDs have said and that I don't know what to believe but that I feel I can't storm in without evidence. My DDs were quite indignant about the suggestion that they were to blame and DD14 expressed hostility to my friend as a result. I've invited friend round to discuss it with my DDs although DD14 is angry and doesn't want to talk to her.

I don't feel I can do more without evidence and really want to bury my head in the sand don't want to get further involved at this stage.

AIBU to do so? Or should I just take her word for it? God knows my DDs aren't perfect, its entirely possible they HAVE spoken out, just as much as its possible they haven't... I just don't KNOW either way.

[Vallhala]

Just to add that if I do find that my DDs are responsible I will not be burying my head in the sand and they will be in big trouble!

[Mermaidspam]

I'm finding out (the hard way) that it's very difficult when 2 mothers and their daughters are friends.
My dd had her chest all scratched the other day by her "friend" and I'm finding the situation difficult to handle.

I don't think there's a lot either of you can do as you're both going by what your dds are saying they've said/done (same as in my case - no-one was there to witness what happened therefore you're stuck between a rock and a hard place like me).

Is there any way that you could find out if your dds are responsible? I can't think of any way you could, other than speaking to dd's other friends who know about it.

[kinnies]

It's out now so does it really matter?
I would have thought your friend had bigger fish to fry than this tbh.
I'd let her get on with it if I were you.

[lililolo]

I think you've done all you can really. I don't blame her for being protective of her daughter, because she really doesn't need to be getting a hard time at school, but really what can you do?

[Vallhala]

Thats the problem! I don't know what else I can do! My friend is lovely, I don't want to fall out with her but neither do I want to blame my children unless I am sure that they're in the wrong.

Oh well, I guess I'll have to wait to see what morning brings.