Women-Free childcare for life?

[schroeder]

After seeing the thread about Men being meal tickets, I thought about how many people consider childcare to be almost completely a mother's responsibility.
Even if the Mother is not actually caring for the children at all times there seems to an assumption that they will arrange for it and in many cases pay for it.
Now I understand that there are Fathers who take care of their children and it is a sweeping generalisation, but anyway please discuss

[MorrisZapp]

Oh god don't start me off on this. I don't have kids but I have been aware of 'mother blame' my entire life.

The media is the absolute worst. I feel like barfing every time I see a famous man hailed as a 'great dad' for being photographed kicking a ball with his offspring.

And when kids go wrong it's 'Where the hell were their mothers'.

And the free childcare thing is great as it doesn't just apply to your own wife - it can be any woman you know, especially your own mum. Men - can't be arsed playing with your kids when left alone with them? Take them to visit a woman! Then you'll get fed, watered and given the remote while your kids are entertained by A N Other.

My MIL was chatting to her friend about their kids and the friend said of her adult son - 'well, he hasn't had much of a weekend, he's had to babysit all day'.

GRRR!

[kinnies]

Dh said once (and only fecking once!) taht he was 'babysittig' as I was out doing somthing.
The riot act was read and he was sorry.
This was over a year ago and it still winds me up to remember.

[scottishmummy]

schroeder your op premise is skewed.you presume martyr muummy role.what made you arrive at conclusion?

"Even if the Mother is not actually caring for the children at all times there seems to an assumption that they will arrange for it and in many cases pay for it.

nope,not convinced.at all

[mamazon]

yes i agree.

How many times have i gotten angry at hearing a woman saying "can you babysit, im just going out" to the childs father!

he isnt babysitting, he is looking after his own child.
so often it is seen as a favour to the mother that he has watched his children for half an hour.

so infuriating

[ChocolateMoose]

And when a child is in childcare, it is widely seen as the woman who has put them in childcare by going to work, while the father's choice to continue paid work is never questioned, even if he earns less than she does. Never hear about 'career men' or 'working fathers' do you? Don't get me started.

[scottishmummy]

perhaps some women are happy to pay for childcare,work,and share costs,it is presumed men work.a sahm dad raises eyebrows and hackles.evocative of not a real man.not providing for family

[jellybeans]

I thought exactly that too!!Very true. As long as both parties are happy then whatever works!! I am a happy SAHM and DH gets to do his odd houred job, we both win as do the kids!

[pithyslicker]

Well swap, go out to work and insist your DH or DP stays at home with the children.

[scottishmummy]

look parenthood is riddled with stereotypes heaped upon men and women.being a parent men as everyone has an opinion on behaviours life

women berated for working
berated for not working
but can chose to be sahm

men expected to work,provide
much sniggering if a man is sahm dad
sahm is not really ever presented as legit male option.motherhood is branded and portrayed as a goddess only purusit.

my friend dp is stay home dad he gets a lot of sniggering.other mums are cliquey and guarded

[scottishmummy]

being a parent mean as everyone has an opinion on behaviours, life.

[KERALA1]

Quite a few SAHM dads around here. But yes do agree with the OP it seems to be a general assumption that childcare is a womens responsibility. Used to work with a high earning woman who had an equally high earning husband but they kept their money separate and childcare costs were her responsibility. Thought that was really weird they were his children too.

[ChocolateMoose]

Scottishmummy I take your point that preconceptions can make it difficult for men too, it's just a lot of the discussion in the media about working mothers winds me up. Also know that my MIL will be if I go back to work full time.

Thinking about it though, I do refer to DH 'babysitting' , since a lot of faff with bottles and expressed milk and getting DS to sleep without breastfeeding is required. I don't see it as him doing me a favour, though.

[darkandstormy]

My dh and myself do everything 50/50 since the day our first child was born .I never breastfed something that was not for me,hence we both did 50/50 share night feeds etc. It has set the pace of what we do now. I firmly believe that not taking 100% responsibility for all aspects of "nurturing" in the early days pays off inthe latter.I have met a lot of "martyr" mummies in my time, thet need to remember one word imho DELEGATE

[darkandstormy]

It makes me really want to puke all this.I am amazed even amongst my friends so much doormat scenarios going on.If my dh did anything less than his 50% I would just walk honestly.

[kinnies]

Yes but some men are arses and dont do their share.
Alot of women bf so they have to do the feeds at first. My Dh took the piss because I was the only one who could feed Dd.

[pithyslicker]

Don't marry an arse!

[kinnies]

Hes reformed now ta

[darkandstormy]

some men seem to have it down to a fine art don't they

[scottishmummy]

and some women are perpetual martyrs.habitually put upon

so

grow a spine
stand up for self
dont do it all with a furrowed brow
working like a donkey paying all the childcare (allegedly)