to think one parent should have stayed?

[Muppet123]

We recently took DS to a 5th Birthday party for one of his class mates.

One little girl's mum & dad just dropped her off and picked her up at the end. They do this at every party (have been to a few now!).

For the whole party she just wandered around, visibly upset asking for her mummy. She pretty much stayed in the kitchen and didn't want to play any of the games. Another mum spent pretty much the whole party consoling her.
This is not the first time this has happened, it was the same at DS's party and DH ended up comforting her for pretty much the whole thing. They didn't even say hello, just dropped her off and left!

So my question is, would you say anything? Her parents both work full time but surely they could spare 2 hours out of the weekend to have some fun with their kid? I absolutely appreciate that time is short and working all week leaves little time for errands etc. at the weekend.

I have absolutely nothing against dropping children off at parties if they're happy to be left, another little girl was left alone but was perfectly happy and I usually see her dad at these things so it's not every time.
I have said to DH that maybe they don't know that she's upset at these parties and maybe we should just try to make a very gentle comment about it when it happens at the next one to see if they're even aware? Giving the benefit of the doubt and all that.

Ok, lay into me then!

[Angelcat666]

I won't lay into you

You may be right, they might not know that she gets upset if no one has told them. It may be worth mentioning it to them to see how they react. If they do know though, I don't see what else you can do.

[FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010]

It is up to the person who hosts the party to tell the parents the child was upset at the party and hopefully the parents will get the message. Or the host can say they prefer the parent to stay.

[Muppet123]

But at our party they didn't even give us the chance to say yes or no Fab! They just dropped her off and sent her in with another parent. At the end they ran in and out as 'the car was on a no parking space' and I didn't have a chance to mention how upset she'd been.

[Muppet123]

Just makes me a bit sad to see her so upset when all the other kids are having so much fun. It's not like they're every week or anything, maybe once every few months.

[LadyBiscuit]

Poor kid. If you see them, I'd mention it. Let's hope that they don't know she's upset. What them both working has anything to do with it, I'm not sure [hmmm]

[5Foot5]

But surely most parents don't stay at a 5th party do they? Thinking back to when DD was young I think we always stayed when she was 3 or 4 as did most parents, though by 4 quite a few didn't.

But at DDs 5th I think the only adults present, were us and my sister and BIL. All the rest of the parents expected to just leave the children. I remember one Mum, on seeing we had an entertainer, did say that if he put on a mask her DD was likely to become upset but she didn't stay.

Maybe her parents are aware she gets upset but are taking the approach that this is something she needs to get used to. I mean, what does this child do when she is left at school all day?

[MollieO]

We had this with a couple of children in ds's class last year. It took them several parties to work out that their dcs were upset at being left and now they stay. One set of parents still leave their ds despite him always either being upset or fighting other children.

I think 5 is quite young to be left particularly if it is the typical class party and children are still getting to know each other. I was amazed at the first 5th class birthday party we went to. A number of parents left their dcs despite not knowing the parents
or anyone else there.

I think leaving a child at a party is completely different to leaving them at school. School is a familiar environment. If the child is upset at being left there are people paid to ensure they are consoled and supported.

[diddl]

It´s the norm here.
But if you think your child might be upset you stay to see or leave & leave a contact number!

[PurpleEglu]

Muppet did you not tell the parents after your party that the child had been upset during the party?

How are they to know if nobody tells them.

Personally I think 5 is young to be left. I would stay with my 5yo

[AlpenCrazy]

maybe a bit late now but would recommend if happens again always get phone no so u can call them.

poor kid

[alicet]

My ds1 is approaching 4 and for the first time we have decided to say on the invites that parents can stay or go - up to them. We expect most will stay. But we will be asking for contact numbers of those who don't so that we can get in touch if there are any problems.

I think tbh it is wierd that they don't come in and check that they are happy to leave their dd! And leave a contact number. What if she had an accident or something? I would never leave my boys with people I didn't know without coming to say hello and to leave a number! Wierd behaviour imho.

Anyway I think what I am trying to say is that a way round this is to say when you send out the invites that parents are welcome to stay or go as they choose but that if they are leaving their child then you will need a contact number in case of problems. In the situation where your dh spent the whole party consoling her I would then have rang her mum / dad and said that she was upset and asked what they suggested. not in a pissy way, just a trying to help their dd. And if they didn't say they would come back, and their suggestion on how to settle her didn't work I would have called back and asked them to come and join her as you couldn't reasonably be expected to spend all of your ds's party in a different room with another child and not helping with the party and seeing your ds having fun.

Doesn't help you OP as your party has been and gone but this is how I would handle it in the future. Tbh even when older I think I would ask for a contact number of parents who were leaving their children!

[Missus84]

They probably don't know she's upset.

Perfectly reasonable to leave 5 year olds though. They're left at school all day.

[LadyBiscuit]

I agree with alicet actually - if I were hosting a party for 5 YOs, I'd either ask for the parents to stay or for a contact number. It's not the same as at school - using other parents as free childcare when your child isn't having a good time and consequently is a pita for the hosts (however sorry they might feel for the child) is very rude

[shushpenfold]

It's the norm from 4 here - approx a 1/3 stay at a 5 yr old party. I would not stay with mine for the whole time and don't think I;d be expected to. I would NOT leave my dd is she was upset though, and the whole class have the class list with all possible forms of contact on so I'd be assured of a phone call if necessary!!! Having said that, I probably felt differently about it when it was my 1st and not my 3rd child!

[AlpenCrazy]

madamdeathstare - did u have the stare when u were 6

[BalloonSlayer]

I always ask for contact numbers even now my DCs are 8/9.

When they were smaller and most parents stayed, it was always the children whose parents hadn't stayed who spent the whole time in tears. Which I always thought was odd.

[helpYOUiWILL]

This always happens at my ds classmates parties (the dump child and run aspect). The child in question however always does it for attention along the lines of "I feel sick, shes being horrid" etc etc, and so when she tried it at my ds party i phoned her mother to ask her to collect her - well i tried to phone because amazingly she felt better and went off then before the call connected through

[Morloth]

DS has been staying alone at parties since about 4ish - but we always make sure we have up to date contact details both ways.

Someone needs to tell them that she is upset, they might not have any idea.

[AlpenCrazy]

madamdeathstare

no pissing off your family then

< scared emoticon >

[FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010]

Leaving a child at a party is not the same as leaving them at school all day and 5 is not too old to still stay with the child.

[piscesmoon]

I wouldn't expect parents to stay at a 5th birthday party but I haven't minded when they have. It is much easier if it is a small party-I can see why they don't, if it is a DC who just happens to be in the same class.

[Lovecat]

I'm actually hoping people will dump and run (with phone nos!) at DD's 5th birthday party as there isn't enough room in the house for them all!

[Muppet123]

Ok, will just wait and see what happens at the next party I guess and see whether I can sprint after mum as she runs in and out to collect her at the end if it is the same.
It's not that the child is constantly screaming and sobbing, just really sad and quiet, obviously upset and asking "when is my mummy coming?" to everyone.

We do all have phone numbers for each other so could call in the event of an accident but it's more the idea that they just dump and run I suppose. Some of these parties aren't in people's houses, they're in kiddy play gyms open to the public or church halls so not even very secure really! Especially the ones in places like toddler world or something as you can't even find your own kids half the time let alone keep an eye on someone else's!!

Thanks for the advice ladies!