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AIBU?

to worry about my date being too short?

76 replies

whethergirl · 04/11/2009 20:41

I've been speaking to a guy who contacted me through a dating site. We've seen photos of each other and had quite a few long conversations and I really like him, he seems to really like me. Obviously, the real test is when we meet.

BUT I can't stop thinking about the fact that he is only 1" taller than me! Which means I don't want to tower over him in heels (which is 90% of my footwear) and it's making me really nervous about meeting him! It's not that I have anything against short guys as such, more that I presume he would prefer me to be shorter (and petite?) so that he doesn't feel less 'manly', and vice versa, I think I might feel less feminine.

Am I unreasonable for making a big deal about this? I'm just turning it into a big issue in my head and is the only reason I am feeling a bit hesitant about meeting him, even though I am actually really looking forward to it!

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meltedchocolate · 04/11/2009 20:44

Is he well built? My EX man was shorter than me anyway (so you can imagine me in heels) but he was very muscley so it didn't matter.

displayuntilbestbefore · 04/11/2009 20:47

I thought from the title this was a thread about a date with someone that didn't last as long as you hoped it would!
I dated someone years ago who was barely my height and it bothered me that I could see the top of his head....I know it shouldn't have, but it did...wish it hadn't - his family had a massive pad in the Bahamas!

whethergirl · 04/11/2009 20:50

Yes meltedchocolate, he is a bodybuilder!! (Which also makes me feel a bit concerned about my flabby bits but that's a different story). I think his natural frame is quite small though, but obviously he is quite muscly. So you think the muscles help? Did you carry on wearing heels with your ex then and was it something you just got used to?

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whethergirl · 04/11/2009 20:53

lol displayuntilbestbefore, hopefully that's not some kind of premonition! Why does it bother us? Who made up these stupid rules anyway?

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meltedchocolate · 04/11/2009 20:55

Well i hate heels so I only wore them if we went out for dinner but the muscles deffo helped. He was a bitty insecure about being smaller but he would have been smaller than any lassie so... He was deffo the man and me the woman. I never felt more femanine with any other bloke than i did with him.

boolifooli · 04/11/2009 20:56

Unless you are particularly tall he will have known other women to be around his height some a bit taller and if he's as great as he seems to be he won't care. My hubby is 2cm shorter than me and it's never been an issue clearly or we wouldn't have kids together!

displayuntilbestbefore · 04/11/2009 20:58

dunno why it should be that way. Clearly not everyone feels this way - my mother is a good 3" taller than my father, more when she wears heels (although she does avoid higher heels when out with him I notice) and a good friend of mine is considerably taller than her dh.
I ended up with a 6'2'' husband but it seems strainge that whilst I'm happy that I can look up and see the under-side of his chin, I wasn't happy seeing the top of my ex's bonce!

If he's seen photos of you, why worry about whether he thinks he will feel undermined as a man - if you know his height, presumably he also knows yours?

SilverBoots · 04/11/2009 20:59

I'm 1" taller than DH (not difficult, he's 5'6). He's not bothered, I'm not, who cares?? I wore 4" heels on our wedding day!

Have fun!! (besides,you won't REALLY know how tall he is until you meet him anyway...)

displayuntilbestbefore · 04/11/2009 21:02

lol SilverBoots!

and he might be more Mr Muscle than Mr Muscley!

MuGGGhoulWump · 04/11/2009 21:03

My exbf is the same height as me, and people used to stare all the time, as we're 5'2. It didn't bother either of us, we found it funny, and I'd wear heels often. He loved me in heels.

He was definitely all man too

whethergirl · 04/11/2009 21:09

Ooh thanks ladies, some encouraging comments there, just what I needed to hear. I'm not particularly tall at 5'6" and he is 5'7". He is very muscly and comes across as very alpha male....although he did tell me someone thought he was gay the other day.

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displayuntilbestbefore · 04/11/2009 21:12

interesting thing to say to a potential heterosexual date!
Hope you post feedback after you've been on this date - would love to know what he actually turns out to be like!!

whethergirl · 04/11/2009 21:13

Yes displayuntilbestbefore, he does know my height so that's good. I did ask him once if, because he was so into his bodybuilding, was he critical about womens bodies, but he said on the contrary, he doesn't anaylse a woman in that way and most important feature for him is her face anyway, particularly the smile and eyes. So I suppose that's also encouraging.

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displayuntilbestbefore · 04/11/2009 21:14

sounds good. Good luck with the date!

whethergirl · 04/11/2009 21:14

Silverboots - love the fact you wore mega heels on your wedding day! And you're right, it's not all about the actual height, sometimes the difference is more about the shoulder height. Which could also work against me.

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whethergirl · 04/11/2009 21:17

displayuntillbestbefore, the date is on Friday so will let you know, actually it feels comforting that I will come back and discuss it! And re interesting thing to say - well some of our conversations have carried on to 2.30am, at which point anything goes!

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SilverBoots · 04/11/2009 21:21

Shoulder height?? Noooo! I must go measure DH

SilverBoots · 04/11/2009 21:24

Looking forwards to hearing what happens!!

Remember to take a tape measure, so you can measure his various bits & pieces.

Ixia · 04/11/2009 21:43

I'm 5'10" and have never dated a guy taller than me, I have a theory about tall men wanting shorter women, why is that ?

DH is 5'8", so in my heels I'm 5" taller. He seems to like this

cvyes · 04/11/2009 21:49

I'm 5'9 & really love having a dh at 6'6" - not that I wouldn't love him though if he was shorter!! TBH i love that I can wear huge heels and he still towers above me - but whilst being honest downsides are now I have 3 dd's who are so tall they keep on being mistaken for being older then they really are & I've had some rather cruel comments

whethergirl · 04/11/2009 22:09

Well I've just spoken to my friend about it (again) who has just told me to stop going on about it, to wear my high heels when I see him, and to stop getting so obsessed about these minor details because it's boring her to pieces. I do feel quite rightly put in my place actually.

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whethergirl · 04/11/2009 22:13

.....but just as a last little comment, who thinks I should wear flats (nowhere near as nice as my heels) as a precaution?

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ImSoNotTelling · 04/11/2009 22:16

ROFL @ whethergirl's friend

Go and gave a great time and see what you think of him and come back and tell us all about it

displayuntilbestbefore · 04/11/2009 22:19

I shall wait for your thread with juicy details (well, if he's how you thought he would be or whether his online photos were actually taken a decade ago!)

whethergirl · 04/11/2009 23:24

Thanks, I just wish I had some spare money to buy some nice flat shoes!! I'll be back x

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