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AIBU?

To expect my 'best friend' to have got bored of asking me, "so are you going to try for a girl?"

68 replies

2babyblues · 20/10/2009 16:53

Ever since I had my second boy my friend has asked me this question. She has a girl and a boy. It is really annoying and I always say something like - were happy with what weve got etc. She just keeps on asking though and it is really getting on my nerves. I am pretty sure she is doing it on purpose as she knows I would have liked a girl when I was pregnant. She is quite competitive and this is her sad way of thinking she has one up on me having one of each. She keeps on about all those lovely pink outfits I could buy - which I think is a pretty shallow way of looking at it.

OP posts:

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StealthPolarBear · 20/10/2009 16:54

yanbu!

StealthPolarBear · 20/10/2009 16:56

I have "one of each" and the number of people who've said how wonderful that is - it is but I would have loved two boys. Also the number of people who decided we'll be stopping now - we are, decision made when ttc #2 so before we knew the sex!!

Tidey · 20/10/2009 16:58

Tell her to stuff off. She sounds like she's trying to make you jealous of her 'ideal family', ie, one of each. I hope she'll eventually accept that you're happy with your boys and find something else to natter on about

CoffeeMum · 20/10/2009 17:01

God, how incredibly annoying! This would drive me mad. And it's hard to see how you can pull her up on it without ending up sounding bitter...

Unless you got really upset on behalf of your newest son - eg. 'it's so awful that people might think we wanted a girl. it really upsets us so much. we love him so much, and we love that our two boys can be brothers etc'. Try and well up a bit if you can That should shut her up.

YANBU at all.

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 20/10/2009 17:02

I also get asked this question a lot as I have 2 boys. I also made the decision a long time ago (even before having kids) that I only ever wanted 2, regardless of the sex.

My reponse is always to say "I'm happy with my 2 boys thanks, they're so easy, girls are harder work & much more whingy" (I base this on the fact that my DB & SIL have 3 girls & they definitely are much harder work & far more whingy than my boys )

TheHeadlessWombat · 20/10/2009 17:04

YANBU.That would be incredibly irritating.

mazzystartled · 20/10/2009 17:08

my goodness you lot are all so cynical and oversensitive

she's just making conversation

you don't sound like you like her very much

CoffeeMum · 20/10/2009 17:11

mazzystartled - i know what you mean, but i sense the OP's complaint is that her friend is mentioning it repeatedly, and also has 'form' for being a bit competitive. I can see why someone might mention it the once, in passing, but to dwell on it must be infuriating i reckon.

Though i am guilty of being both cynical and oversensitive at times too

MorrisZapp · 20/10/2009 17:14

No mazzy! You don't just 'make conversation' with women between the ages 16 - 50.

You move your lips and personal, insensitive judgement pours out.

You might think you're just passing the time of day but you are in fact being cruel, evil and rude.

I tend just to chat to old ladies these days, it's much easier. My gran especially, as she can't hear my rude insensitivities anyway

mazzystartled · 20/10/2009 17:20

well you did say you would have liked a girl when you were pregnant.

so perhaps she is trying to be encouraging. or perhaps she would like it if you both had the shared experience of having daughters

or perhaps it is not what she is saying but what you are hearing

i would always tend to assume that "best" friends" are - you know - generally nice to each other, have the other's best interests at heart etc. no?

haemomum · 20/10/2009 17:26

yanbu. it is extremely irritating. just like old ladies (my gran included) who seem to think you can just decide on the sex of a baby(not to mention assuming that you'll be having more.) I've lost count of the number of old ladies who've said to me, "oh, have a girl next" as I have 1 ds.
You're right Morris - no-one just "makes conversation" with women of child-bearing age - especialy on the subject of chiildren!
omw i am such a cynic!

Conundrumish · 20/10/2009 17:30

Oh well. She will never have the pleasure of enjoying watching same sex children bond in the fantastic way they do when they are interested in the same thing, all the time.

2babyblues · 20/10/2009 17:33

Thanks for your replies. She is definitely doing it on purpose it is not just conversation as she knows we are planning on only having 2. I just don't understand why she keeps saying it, must have been every time I have seen her for the last 2.5 years!!! I sometimes just change the subject now instead of replying as I don't want to look that bothered.

She is probably my oldest friend, I did use 'best friend' loosely. We went to school together and share a group of friends. She can be very kind in some ways but these comments keep coming.

Mazzystartled - you are right that I am over sensitive but in the way that it bothers me, I know for a fact that she is doing it on purpose.

OP posts:

mazzystartled · 20/10/2009 17:37

then just tell her to stop it.

ludog · 20/10/2009 18:06

I got this a lot after dd3 was born. Before she arrived it was all "I suppose you're hoping for a boy this time?" Then when she arrived, the amount of people who commented was unreal! One woman, who I didn't know that well said; "Oh well, never mind, at least she's healthy I suppose" WTF?!! someone else asked, in all seriousness, if dh was "devastated to have another girl?" So 2babyblues, in my humble opinion, YANBU!

Twintummy · 20/10/2009 18:31

YANBU. Would drive me mad and it's really insensitive. Having twin son's I can emphathise. I'm used to the most stupid, thoughtless comments!

vjg13 · 20/10/2009 18:36

Just tell her same sex siblings get on better and will have more in common then ask if she's trying again!

AliGrylls · 20/10/2009 18:51

She sounds a bit mad. Two normal, active boys is more than enough.

SugarSkyHigh · 20/10/2009 18:56

why not say,"actually i really really hope it's another boy - I don't think i could bear to have a girl now, the first two have such a bond, it's something you only understand if you have 2 or more of the same sex".

Might shut her up?

SugarSkyHigh · 20/10/2009 18:59

yes and then say, are you trying again so that one of your two can really properly bond with a sibling?

(sorry, this one's got me going because I have 3 dd's and I had it up to here with similar nonsense about trying for a boy, after DD2 AND DD3)

Astrid28 · 20/10/2009 19:50

YANBU at all! She sounds like she's being a bit smug and very insensitive! Why keep saying that?

I agree with all the comebacks in previous posts - play her at her own game and make her question how 'perfect' her own family is.

Whatta

Chrysanthamum · 20/10/2009 20:01

How annoying, I've just had our 3rd son and throughout the entire pregnancy people were wishing a girl on me. I'd have been delighted with a girl too but was over the moon to get another healthy baby. I always say "I'm so used to boys I wouldn't know what to do with a girl (false)and I've found boys really good fun and easy to bond with(true)" Its v patronising of your friend and maybe you should just tell her directly how annoying it is.

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4madboys · 20/10/2009 20:19

i totally understand, i have FOUR boys, who i love dearly and was never bothered what sex i was having. but god the comments each preg, oh are you hoping for a girl, or even i hope its a girl and one relative who was DISAPPOINTED when we had ds3 and then ds4

ffs they are healthy children, they are all amazing and play brilliantly and i love having a little brood of boys

we are planning on going for no5 next yr, and tho i know my partner would like a girl, ultimately if we have a boy we will be happy with out own little 5 a side team

but i will be coming up with some smart arsed replies to any annoying comments i get.

lanismum · 20/10/2009 20:21

I have 2 girls, and when I got pregnant for the 3rd time everyone kept telling me I must be desperate for a boy, well I wasn't, in fact I really wanted another girl, I ended up having ds 17 weeks ago and of course he is the most beautiful brilliant boy in the world and I had to listen to everyone tell me how glad I must be that he is a boy? erm, nope, just glad he is here safe and sound........just to let you know, I still get stupid comments now, I recently told some family/friends I wanted another baby, I got 'oh you have your boy now you dont need anymore'

StealthPolarBear · 21/10/2009 08:33

I got a card when i had dd (after ds) saying "well done on producing a girl, our prayers have been answered"

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