not to want another baby (right now)

[nekonix]

i have a 7 year old ds and a 2 year old dd.

my dh would like another baby - he keeps saying he wants a big family.

im happy with the 2 children i have got. 1 of each is perfect to me.

i'll never say never beacuse you never know what the future will bring.

am i being unreasonable??

[slowreadingprogress]

I'd talk to him about why he wants a big family. Will a big family suit your character? His character? What about the children you already have - are they likely to thrive in a big family atmosphere or would they struggle with it? Maybe it's to do with whether they would resent losing your attention or whether they prefer the company of kids and would not feel a big loss in some ways...also it's whether you are prepared to harden your heart in some ways to think "well they have less of me now but I am setting them up in a good family support system for life"...

What about future plans? What's important to you - holidays? Cars? These have to be different often with a big family, if you can afford to have them still!

I think if you present some concrete issues to him for you to consider he may respond well to that as it's clear what you want to think about?

[nekonix]

thanks. he says he wants more children as he is one of 4. he also has lots of aunties, uncles and cousins who are quite close to us.

i dont have a big family. i have one brother and 3 aunties. he thinks that the reason i dont want a big family is because i have always had a small close family.

obviously thats not the case and i've explained that to him.

he always says that if we have a big family they can look after each other and look out for each other when we get to old to do that.....

i just dont know.

[atworknotworking]

I see what DH means re: looking out for each other, but your DC's will probably have partners, children of their own to support them too. How big a family is he wanting?

[nekonix]

3 or 4 children.

i can see his point and i understand it but he cant see mine.

[MaybeAfterBreakfast]

This is tough, isn't it. We're in a similar boat. I always thought I wanted 3 children, and dh wants 3 or 4 (he is one of 4, so perhaps that makes a difference). We have 2 (18mo and 3 yo) and I really, really don't want any more.

My dh agrees to go with whatever I decide. I do 90% of the childcare so it is only fair, but I know he is disappointed and wants me to change my mind.

[proverbial]

Didn't you talk about this before you got married or started having children? Did anybody mislead anyone with regard to family size?

[nekonix]

very smiliar situation. im glad im not the only one.

my dh is desperately trying to change my mind and the more he goes on about it the more stubborn i become.

im so happy with life at the moment that i dont want to think about doing that all over again. am i just being selfish?

[nekonix]

NO..... we always talked about children and initially both wanted one. DS was born and everything was great. we were both so happy.
5 years later dd was born. (dh talked me round to having another, which i was happy with)

dh has only been like this since the children were born.

[landrover]

yanbu

[MovingOutOfBlighty]

What is amazing is the difference with this thread than the ones saying 'I want another baby but my DH doesn't'. The general advice seems to be for that one is that :
(a) Badger him
(b) Give him time and he will change his mind
(c) Keep giving him the 'one more won't hurt aargument'.

There doesn't ever seem to be too much you have to respect his wishes.

Hearing it the other way around makes me realise how awful it must be to be 'bullied' into having another child. I hope you sort things out.

[nekonix]

thanks - tried talking to him again about it but i still get the same answer.
i just feel so mean for saying not now

[landrover]

give him time