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AIBU?

to be really quite upset by this...

13 replies

AliBean · 10/08/2009 20:25

my friend and her husband are in the process of renovating and rebuilding their house. They are living in a caravan, she is 37 weeks PG and suffering...

Last week she said she was concerned that their roofers were messing about and were planning on going off on another job soon whether they have finished her house or not.

My DP is currently running a barn conversion and heard today that said roofer were bragging to the scaffold guy that they were taking my friend's DH for a ride as he was annoying them and so they are now on a day rate and deliberately doing the minimum possible so they get the maximum money out of them...this obviously will mean they are longer finishing and my friend will be longer in the caravan with her pfb.

So I text her (after trying to call) saying I had heard some info about these guys and does she want to know and she responded with a snooty message saying if I don't have anything good to say then I shouldn't say anything at all.

I feel really hurt that she seems to think I would try to cause her trouble and would have anything other than the best intentions.

Am I out of order or just over sensitive? I am 36 weeks PG and feeling quite emotional myself... or is she being a bit ungrateful and mean towards me?

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cocolepew · 10/08/2009 20:28

So she thought they were taking the piss but when you have proof she doesn't want to know? Tough crap on her then . Is she usually like this?

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booyhoo · 10/08/2009 20:29

she's obviously aware that these guys are dodgy and is maybe trying to hope for the best so doesnt want to hear anything bad about them.

you have tried to tell her and if she wants to know she ca ask you but i would leave it now until she does and if they do a runner then she cant say she didnt have warning.

you have enought to deal with at 36 wks pg. good luck with it all and take it easy.

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AliBean · 10/08/2009 20:48

Coco - I don't know tbh... I have only known her a few months - met thru being PG.
But since then we have got on well I thought.
My DP did a couple of weeks helping them out - he is a professional builder/project manager and only charged them mates rates and we have tried to help them as much as possible.
Feel like she is judging me quite harshly considering her own misgivings....
Booyhoo - i think you are right, she doesn't want anyone else pointing out whats obvious I guess. But the thing is that these guys have actually said to a third party they are taking the piss so perhaps that would give her and her DH the push to finding new better roofers - theres no shortage at the mo given the state of the building industry!!

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Overmydeadbody · 10/08/2009 20:51

Well you tried to help, so it's her loss now.

She is probably just as hormonal as you though, so may be acting out of character with all the added stress on top of that. Don't take it too personally.

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AliBean · 10/08/2009 20:55

Yeah I think so. Feel better for posting though. Thanks ladies.

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HumphreyCobbler · 10/08/2009 20:58

I would want to know if it were me. You did the right thing, she is just being hormonal.

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onepieceoflollipop · 10/08/2009 20:59

If she is feeling sensitive she is probably taking this as a criticism of her judgment (i.e in choosing these particular roofers)

I would be upset if in your position by her attitude, but try and distract yourself and forget about it/her.

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Hassled · 10/08/2009 21:01

Can you just text her with the info and advise her to find other roofers? Or stick a note through the caravan door? Then she can decide what to do with the info (or whether to ignore it), but at least you know that you've done everything you can.

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KERALA1 · 10/08/2009 21:02

Surely a case of shoot the messenger ie you.

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thisisyesterday · 10/08/2009 21:03

you know what, i'd probably text again and tell her what you've heard.
that way you know you've done the right thing letting her know (assuming this rumour is true)

i don't think you';re being unreasonable being upset. but you know what it's like being v pregnant and hormonal and this weather doesn't; help either. perhaps she was just having a really shit day?

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DaisymooSteiner · 10/08/2009 21:14

Sometimes texts come across wrong because it's difficult to convey emotion in a short message. Perhaps she meant it in a jokey way? Or maybe she just doesn't want to know so she doesn't have to do something about it. I'm in the middle of building work and in lots of ways I would hate it if someone told me that our builder was shafting us because then I would have to do something about it, and right now I just want to keep my fingers crossed and hope it goes well.

I'd probably try and give her a ring and sound out whether she really does want to know and if not, just leave it.

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katiestar · 10/08/2009 21:20

i think she is annoyed because you are statng the bleedin obvious !! She is desperate to get the job finished so unlikely to swap companies.She knoiws full well that the roofers are spinning it out as long as possible , what incentive is for them not to ?
That's why it is so dumb to go for a day rate rather than fixed price.

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AliBean · 10/08/2009 21:20

Well I will see her on thursday so if she wants to talk about it then no problem.

I don't want to just send another text when she has said she doesn't want to know...that seems a bit aggressive to me.

If she is just having a bad day and wakes up tomorrow thinking she would like to know then she can text me or we can talk about it on thurs...

Silly really...it would give them grounds to get rid and getsomeone better. Instead they are stuck with these idiots