Great post, MrsF!

I found the first 12 weeks so boring, so hard, so tiring and so lonely. It really does get better though and unbelievably I am really looking forward to doing it all again with baby number 2 (due later this month)!

Try to get out of the house every day, regardless of the weather, as it does make you feel better, even if it's just for a walk down to the local shops or park or something.

And do look after yourself as well - for example I found I could manage to have a shower every morning with DD in her bouncer on the bathroom floor and it always perked me up and made me feel so much better than if I stayed in my dressing gown half the day.

Are you managing to catch up with your pre-baby friends at all? It might help to catch up on other people's non-baby related news and gossip.

YANBU- I was bored shitless. (Although smitten with dd was not smitten with copious nappies, washing and milk leakage.)

LOL at the driving analogy MrsF, so true

Great theory Morning Paper, am loving it.

Tiny hijack - I made the MN round up for - I believe - the first time, and am being pegged as a Daily Mail type. Very offended, am a Guardian/Indie reader and was just pissed when I wrote that pigeon pokers are future serial killers, ok? Just wanted to set record straight .It's still a bit weird and yukky though, the pigeon poking thing.

Congratulations on your baby! .

Don't worry, we're all here to tell you it's normal!

Just imagine spending 8 months learning to drive without ever actually getting into a car. You go to classes to learn all the theory, read up everything you can find on the subject, ask all the experienced drivers you know for their advice, and eventually feel confident that you understand the theory and basic mechanics at least.

Then one day, you are put into a car (after the most physically gruelling and scary experience of your life and after 72 hours with no sleep whatsoever) and sent out onto the motorway at 60mph AND YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STOP DRIVING. AT ALL.

It will get better. I can honestly say I didn't "enjoy" my baby until he was about 10 weeks old, but as your confidence increases and you gradually get more sleep you'll be able to relax.

I went from a full-on demanding career to full-time motherhood aged 35 with a DP who was working long shifts. Thought I'd go crazy with loneliness and anxiety and had no friends who were SAHMs. Radio 4 was my lifeline. As a confirmed bookworm with a sucky demand-fed baby I nearly went mad. Couldn't hold a book to read 'coz I needed to support a huge nork with one hand while holding DS in the other.

This horrible hot weather doesn't help because it saps what little energy you have.

Ring your mates a lot. Try to sleep when the baby sleeps (Iknow, I know! but it does help!) and concentrate on getting your strength back.

Keep posting. Wish I'd had Mumsnet back then!

YANBU. I agree with everyone else here that getting out of the house every day is essential.

Also, listening to the radio helped to keep me sane.

Congratulations, by the way!

One small newborn can be boring and isolating, things definitely get more interesting once they are talking and walking and they can do more interesting things (art classes, library, music etc). More children also helps, (though it may not feel like it at the time) as you'll be too busy to be bored plus they entertain each other.

In the meantime:

-get an iPod and listen to stuff you're interested in while doing the chores
-take advantage of your baby being this small and immobile and do things you're interested in eg, grown-up museums and galleries. You have years ahead of you of child-centered activities.

With your first it does get a bit boring after the novelty wears off, but second and third babies are great because they are so much easier to look after than their rampaging older siblings who are hell bent on making a mess/ eating all the biscuits/ injuring one another.

CFC, You poor thing :-(

I really can't stand newborns/the newborn phase. I cried for about 8 months non- stop and then was pregnant all over again .

The loss of my life was such a shock to my system, I just felt like I'd died . I was depressed, tired, bored as hell, and anxious.

Then dd sarted to grow up, starting moving, interacting, talking, walking, becoming her own person and i was shocked at how I actually enjoyed being a parent.

I went out ALL the time and it helped, even if it meant bussing it to the city centre and walking around aimlessly, going for a coffee on my own, going for a walk in the park and enjoying the rain, just any excuse to go out kept me sane.

This will be all over before you know it, this too shall pass, chin up.

Yanbu at all.

People only say 'Enjoy those first precious months' because they didn't. When you look back from the comfort of (slightly) more experienced motherhood you see things you might have done differently and want to impart that to others. You forget that early motherhood is a strange, boring, sleep deprived and slightly psychotic time. I remember standing in a cupboard with the door shut screaming really really loud. My mum laughed when I told her cos she did exactly the same thing.

It does get better.

I thought I wanted to be a SAHM until DD went to school. She is now 10mo and I am ridiculously excited about going back to work next week. I have a new handbag and everything

It gets much better but staying indoors alone by yourself all day with a baby is enough to make anyone feel suicidal. Staying at home is actually much more work than going out. Our week is structured around baby activities (swimming is good in this weather - you don't have to wait until vacs anymore) and meeting friends who are at work for lunch. Even then I hate the dead hours between 3-5.30 when she is tired and grumpy and we often have nothing to do.

DD was/is a terrible cryer (reflux). I got in the habit of putting her in her cot for a nap (crying or not) while I went for a shower every morning. If I turn the shower up I can hardly hear her crying and it gaves me the ten mins peace I need to start the day. Sometimes I string it out by shaving my legs, exfoliating etc as it's me time I really need and I know she's safe and is used to the routine even though she still doesn't like it.

Despite this confession - I reckon I am a natural mother! Don't beat yourself up too much, most mums will admit they felt completely bipolar for the first 3 months.

I really struggle with newborns. I find it so so hard. However, it really really does get easier - I promise.

I think everyone feels the same as you, unless they have an army of family around to do everything for thme and a baby that sleeps through very early.

Go easy on yourself and take it one day at a time. I remember freaking out because I thought it was going to be that hard until they left home!

And then just as they get really enjoyable, a little more independant and therefore not such hard work - around the age of three, you will get all broody and go and have another one.

Best thing to do it just remind yourself every day that you're one day closer to things being easier/better. And it does only get easier and better as the weeks go by, honestly!

New babies are a nightmare!

It is shiteous being an old mum too, let me tell you.

It was confusing as well because I did adore my baby and was thrilled with him, but was also both bored and overemotional all the time. It's a very hard time and like many on here I felt like I hadn't "got it".

Oh god yes, and I really think we shouldn't be afraid to tell mums-to-be "If a few weeks down the line you think 'F*ck me this is miserable!' don't worry, it's normal and will pass". No one told me that. I remember getting baby cards that said things like "enjoy these precious first weeks, they pass so fast" and I thought "HOLY SHIT! It gets WORSE???!"

I also remember when finally after a few weeks (had had C-section) I was able to take DS to the local matalan (the nearest large shop) in the pram. It was SOOOOOOO exciting!

PS.

I know how difficult it is to find the time to heat soup let alone make a healthy dinner.

I recommend you fill your fridge with healthy "party food" instead. Dips. Celery sticks. Wholewheat Crackers. Ready-prepared fruit salads. Grapes. Yoghurts. Ready-cooked chicken pieces.

This is because at least you can "pick" healthily even if you can't face making/sitting down for a proper meal.

I've been there and it's tough.

I've eaten SuperNoodles in the bedroom watching DS sleep and praying he wouldn't wake up before I'd finished the bowl (he usually did).

I've mooched up and down the hallway for no particular reason. I have also walked to Asda twice in a day with the pram, just for something to do/somewhere to go.

I have stared at myself in the mirror noting how shite I looked including skin (pasty/spotty) hair (limp) and body (could not fit anything other than maternity clothes and everything new looked terrible).

First thing I did was read books and get a routine. I would recommend you think about this if you are not already in a routine especially if your DP is away. If you have no time to yourself it will drive you round the bend. Baby Secrets book was the best for me. This allowed me time in a morning to have a shower and put makeup and proper clothes on.

Don't underestimate the importance of a morning shower, fresh clothes and a dab of mascara!! It sets the day up well and no matter how shite the night was, it draws a line under it and you can start again.

It DOES get better I promise. Very gradually you realise you feel better, look better, cope better and are in charge.

Good luck x

PS: you've done so fantastically well to get him down so early. I never managed to get my three down until about 1am at that age - they just fed and fed and fed. This stage is so hard, but it only lasts a little while ... I promise.

I had to get out of the house each day at that stage. It used to make me feel so much better - even if it was just to Starbucks or to buy milk from Sainsburys. In fact even now I get antsy if I don't get out daily.

The problem with your first baby is you try so hard to do everything perfectly for them that things like hair washing and eating well get forgotten. By the time you get to baby two, the poor little thing has to wait and cry sometimes if there is something you have to do with your first. Unfortunately it's really hard to let your first do that.

Could he come into the bathroom with you in a bouncy chair? Could you buy healthy microwave ready meals or cartons of soup? It's hard at that age - our first used to cry every time we opened the oven door to get our supper out. I honestly thought I'd never eat a meal again!!

I also know what you mean about resenting your DH's unbroken sleep - it's tough when they're staying in nice cool hotels and you are up and down in the night in this heat.

Take care.

and wash your hair!

hi cfc, you're going to be fine, it is tough just now though.

thanks for posting so honestly - i also felt like this but couldn't admit it to myself let alone anyone else so i just pretended it was ok.

it is like starting a new job where you work all day every day by yourself doing a new job that you've had no training for and you don't know how to do it and you have no support and it's frankly impossible sometimes - but you have no choice, you just have to do it. which kind of messes with your head because you're used to being independent and collaborating and making good decisions, and now here you are trying to settle an over-tired baby all on your own, while your partner is carrying on as usual.

for me like most others it got steadily better as i got more confident and baby got more interactive and i met a few other likeminded parents, and now at 2.5 my dd makes me laugh uproariously the whole time, she is so funny.

anyway that was a long way of saying YANBU and hang in there. also, even in a heatwave i am sure you can find a really shady spot somewhere and slather him in sun cream and venture out - maybe in the evenings when cooler - you do need to get out every day i find. take care xx

It really, really gets better. Try to bear in mind that the other relaxed, happy mums are screaming inside, too.

The hardest is making the mental shift to being a mum and letting go of the old life temporarily. I found that once I had forced myself to change gear and stop fighting it, it actually became enjoyable.

MP's list is priceless. Print it out in reams and paste onto every available surface.

Also keep in mind that, oddly, this doesn't happen the second time around.

cfc, try to get some sleep. Don't beat yourself up - it is so hard and if you are doing it on your own, then even more so. I don't think anyone does 'on their own' well with an eight week old baby!

It's really good to hear I am not alone.

He's finally in bed and DH is back in a bit. I feel like running away and leaving them to it. There's a ton of milk in the freezer, they don't need me. I hate DH and his uninterrupted sleep whilst he's been away. Irrational, I know.

The baby is 8 weeks today.

My dinner remains in the oven, ruined. I've just had tea and biscuits. The healthier diet will start tomorrow. My hair has not been washed only once since the birth and I've actually put weight ON. I looked fab (in my mind) post-birth but now because I'm beholden to this little thing I've made I can't eat properly and have put weight on and look worse.

God I'm a whiney old cow.

For the record, I know how lucky we are to have him and he is such a good, lovely baby - but being alone, literally all alone over the past few days has really knocked me for six and I've learned that I don't do being alone very well.

But like I said we're usually out and about, it's just with the heat I was worried about dehydration so decided to stay in and not go to our usual group on Thursday. So it's not that bad.

Thank you again x

Toddlers ARE wonderful - even when they're being dreadful. And it definitely gets easier and more fulfilling all the time. I love little babies, but I found those early months quite hideous: lonely, exhausting, overwhelming.

Yes it gets MUCH better

My theory is that if you are not that keen on babies then you are rewarded with a lovely, lovely LOVELY toddler

Whereas people who love their babies and coo over them have horrid toddlers who scream in supermarkets

My toddler makes me want to cry with joy every day and love love love her fat arms around me first thing in the morning - toddlers are the best invention EVER

OMG look at us all on MN on a friday night - proves the case in point.

I feel your pain! Babies are yukky! Don't worry, it will be over before you know it and you'll have a lovely entertaining small person for your troubles.

A small thought, but I used to download loads of webcasts and audio books onto my MP3 player and listen to them quietly on my headphones. I could still make all the goo-goo faces and hear every sound the baby made, but I had some mental stimulation to turn to when I needed it.

YA sooo NBU!

I spent the whole of January and February this year hate hate hating being a new mother. I had no car and we live in a village full of OAPs, it was bloody snowing, DS was crap at sleeping naps and at night, we'd given up Sky because we were so skint so there was FA on the TV for the hours I was sat BFing, DH and I argued constantly, everyone I know was at work, my list of woes was endless...

And then I started going to baby groups, DS slowly started sleeping better and turned from a full on screamer into a lovely sunny, happy little boy and I started to really have fun when he was about 4-5 mo. We had about two or three fabulous months and now I've just gone back to work and feel really bitter and guilty about not having enjoyed the early days more. I'm planning the next one right now...

It'll get much better soon. Promise. (MN makes a big diff too!)

Can you invite some friends over for wine so as you have some normality? you can come to mine for wine if you live near or Stick him in the pram and go for a walk to a friend house?

Yanbu. Everyone has parts of motherhood they find really dull and hard.

Personally i LOVE the stage you are in right now but i am totally crap at the mobile baby/young toddler stage. You may really enjoy that age - it's horses for courses and all that but do not beat yourself up that you are not being a 'natural' mum at this early stage - the fact you are even talking about this means you are being a good mum.

Everyone is 'natural' in their own way so while some people give off that earth mother vibe cos they coo over new babies and adore every second of being at home with their baby they are no more natural than someone who admits babies are boring and is happier when they go back to work!

NightShoe - i will happily give you a toddler if i can do the newborn stage?! Ds is now 16 months and is testing me so i am especially not loving the toddlers at the mo!Dd is 4 and is a dream in comparison - i think i'm safe to take back over at about age 3 1/2 years!

oh yes indeedy, i remember that.

it's shit. and it WILL pass.

i felt very guilty and miserable for "getting through the days" and panicking at the thought we'd never get any time to ourselves ever again. got miles better for me at about 6 months or so and by 9 months it was (and still is) a pleasure most of the time

PS morningpaper "I USED TO BE A PLAYER, YOU FUCKERS, AND NOW LOOK AT ME, A FUCKING SWING FUCKING PUSHER!"

YANBU at all but it slightly better when they sleep some of the time than when they either a) wreck your house between sleeping b) fight with each other everytime your back is turned c) talk non stop. I know its hard to imagine but you'll probably spend the next 20 years lusting after your newborn baby.

In a while you'll forget your old life and be content in your new one and you probably will forget the crapness of it when they look at your face and give you a big gummy smile.

YANBU

I remember feeling angry for months, like I had been cheated of all the loveliness or something. There were some lovely bits but they were a bit hazy as I was knackered!

Love it now ds is 10 months (most of the time anyway). It gets better quite quickly. Then you start wishing they were a newborn again and start to think you should have another

Congratulations btw

YANBU - I remember those early days and it all seemed like a blur of breastfeeding, nappy changing, zombieness because of lack of sleep, bad food, worse telly interspersed with forcing myself to get out of the house before I went mad !
It does get better - honestly !

cfc you are not alone, in fact I wouldn't even say you were in the minority.

Do you have any family nearby? Accepting help is not a sign of failure and (most) Grannys love spending time with their GC.

YANBU, I did not like the baby days, but please don't write yourself off as not being a natural mother! For me, being a mother of a teeny baby was mindnumbing, but I have loved motherhood ever since she hit 18 months and I'm actually a pretty natural mother of a toddler/preschooler. I may be a sadist, but I just need that feedback, even if it is her arguing with me.

DD will be an only, but if someone offered me a toddler I probably would snap them up. We all have our talents

cfc, what age is he?

your not wrong - its really horrible

there is light at the end of the tunnel however - when they go to school - they turn into wonders of huge wonderous proportions - its positively joyous

God, sometimes I just think "what were we thinking, we're too selfish for this" and when he won't settle (like tonight) and I don't know what to do the most terrible thoughts run through my head and then I feel incredibly guilty after for thinking what I thought.

And I am aware that he's such a good little baby and other people have it so much harder. But I'm so resentful at the loss of my life.

I've literally been trying to settle him for hours. And I can hear him stir again. I hate my life and I hate my husband for being away.

I know there's no reply to this post - I just have to get it out somewhere. I've already razored my throat screaming into a pillow.

Frankly after working very long stressful days in the city and the dreaded commute, looking after baby is a dream. Every time i find myself getting bored i think - what would you rather do - spend time with your gorgeous happy cheeky son, get to watch eastenders, go for walks in the sunshine etc etc or slog your guts out in a horrible office - there really is no contest. I suppose it just depends what you're used to and what floats your boat - but I certainly never used to have the time to do anything at all except work, get stressed and commute and now I do! Try thinking of all the positives of being at home and make the most of those very precious months.

No YANBU in the slightest. I think part of the problem is an expectation that motherhood is instantly fulfilling. It is for some, but for others it takes time.

I love the company of children, teenagers and young adults, but babies are lucky to get a "meh" out of me (and this has included my own!)

I like what Bill Murray's character says about parenthood in "Lost in Translation" - something like "Your life, as you know it, is OVER, but... they learn how to walk, and learn how to talk, and then turn into the most charming, delightful people you'll ever meet in your life."

Don't be hard on yourself for feeling this way, good ENOUGH is all you ever have to be for your baby. Keep on keeping on.

ah cfc it is dull, no doubt about it, my life feels like groundhog day most of the time

(actually I reckon that's one reason why so many mums end up weaning their baby early, just for something different to do...)

the heat certainly doesn't help-trying to go for a walk and keep the baby shaded with one of those crappy parasols while you're sweating away is no fun really

hang in there, a lot of people feel the same way

YANBU at all...it can be really quite the most boring. mind numbing and energy sapping thing in the world....and then they get older and do something wonderful like smile, crawl, walk, talk etc and you forget you are bored!!!! Congrats!

cfc, you are so not being unreasonable. It is dull, and different to anything you will ever have done before, (even if you had been a maternity nurse)
It does get better, they start doing more interesting things, but as long as they are fed, fairly clean and happy then please yourself, go for a coffee, to the oark, library, even tesco's for a mooch for somethign nice for you. Just get out of the house and break up the monotony!

MP, that is brilliant. How did I miss that.

YANBU It's really hard, especially first time.

I ended up when ds was 4 months old bringing forward my return to work from 12 months to 9 months. I had finally sorted out the feeding issues and then realised how mind numbingly boring it all was, even with getting out lots. The thing is, by 9 months he was totally different. SO much more interesting and easier to entertain. Then by 12-18 months he was even more adorable and interesting and I wished I had more time at home with him. It will get better. Meanwhile do whatever you have to to keep yourself sane/entertained. For me it was the internet and box sets of dvds .

Babies are dull really aren't they? Newborns dullest of all.
I didn't really find any of it fun until about a year... but it really does get funner as they actually become people.
[looking on bright side emoticon] .

It is a shock to the system, yes. The hardest thing was just accepting the monotony and routines, I found.

YANBU. First time round I found it a grim mixture of mind numbingly boring and crushingly hard work. Second time, it was a breeze and I adored it. I went back to work a lot sooner after no.2, though

Is he your first? Congratulations!
Get yourself out to every mother/baby/breastfeeding group you can. Take him for walks and to the supermarket so people can coo over him and you can enjoy it I did - hate being the centre of attention myself but love people making a fuss of my PFB

YANBU. Everyone feels this way at some point. I did It gets more fun, honest.

Yanbu. Those first few months are dull, stressful, and tiring. Muddle through, don't panic about entertaining your ds all the time, its ok for him to gurgle aimlessly (sp?) on his playmat. Just try and keep yourself sane for the next few weeks.

YANBU, I felt exactly the same when DD was about 2 or 3 months old. The novelty had worn out a bit, she wasn't sleeping as much so I couldn't get any me time and I felt bloody awful but then I found out everyone felt the same way and now that she's 9 months I don't have the time to get bored.

My Mum had 9 kids and her motto is "please yourself" If DC is still tiny and in baby gym stage you needn't worry about "entertaining" him. Entertain yourself and talk about what you're doing and that will entertain him.
You mention crap food - I get a silly satisfaction from trying to cook tasty meals.
It's not about being a natural mother, it's about getting pleasure and a sense of achievement from little things - these don't have to be baby/household chore related.

Every new Mum feels this way at some point, if they say that they never have they are simply LIARS !!! One of my friends, said "I bonded with her baby the minute it was born", what a crock of sh** !! Being a new Mummy is hard work, and can it takes time to get use to one another.

Hang in there, it gets easier, before you know it they will be off to school.

And having the 2 year old at home whilst you are on maternity leave with the second one keeps you sane!

I am not sure how I would have coped with the monotony had I only had DD2 around. DD1 is so much fun - for me and DD2 - that is is all right being home. But, having had 6 months of it, the last 2 before I go back to work feel like the home straight!

YANBU - I hate the newborn stage. The only consolation is that it does get better. [Thank gawd emoticon]

YANBU- it is indeed mindnumbing.

And then they crawl...

And then they walk...

And then they talk...

And then they hit 2 and turn in to wee buggers...

And then you have another one...

The fun is all ahead of you

aah mrs badger you've just reminded me of the days when i could pass a few hours with friends in a coffee shop!!
no chance now!!
not sure i agree about easier when they're older [grini]

I always found that as I started to get bored, DS would learn to do something new to entertain me.

It will get better when he starts doing stuff...

this is what mn is for

also sky+

Getting out and about to non-baby-dates (shops, library, starbucks) also v important.

Put a novel in the pram basket and hopefully he will drop off and you can have a latte and a good read

they do get more fun as they get more inetractive, I promise

They do get more interesting and easier as they get older, honest! Keep getting out of the house too it keeps you sane.

Congratulations by the way.

Don't worry, wait until he starts crawling and playing with things, there will be loads to do then

Congrats on your baby

Yes, I think everyone feels a bit like that. It is nothing to do with being a natural mother. It is about being a person as well as a mother. I don't see many fathers expected to be happy with sitting in on their own all day, with no company and a list of jobs.

It does get better, it gets easier to get out and about as you get used to it, once they start interacting it is more fun. I went back to work earlier than planned when my son was 8 months, but by the time he was two I wanted to be at home with him more.

Don't doubt yourself. It is really hard with a newborn, and you are under all this pressure to be over the moon. I remember an old lady said to me 'treasure every minute' when my first was a newborn, and I almost burst into tears with guilt as I wasn't enjoying every moment (far from it!) and felt like a failure, like I was wasting this precious time, and was a bad mother.

But I like it more now!!

it's because you've been stuck in for 2 days and in this weather especially it's hard staying in.
you'll probably be suffering from sleep deprivation aswell.
so I would give it time you won't always feel like this and you sound like a fab mom
baby massage - I only ever did that at classes and probably twice at home!

YANBU, I think all mothers have low moments like these, I certainly do! Stick with the social side of things and I'm sure as he gets older it'll get better.

YANBU at all

Congratulations on the birth of your baby

There are some really lovely moments with my new baby, I know. But today I found myself getting excited because he'd soiled his nappy and it gave me something to do.

It seems to be get him to sleep, keep him asleep, clean the house, grab some (crap) food, interrupted by keeping him asleep, wait for him to wake, bring him down/change him, figure out what he would like to do, do that, try and keep him entertained, try to remember to talk to him and interact with him, catch up on some paperwork if he's on his gym mat/bouncy chair, feed him (a whole other realm of new problems with his newly discovered shallow latch), burp him, entertain him again and then off to bed after maybe another nappy change.

Interesting times are bath time, massage and actually the night feeds, which I enjoy just me and him.

I really thought I'd stay off for a long time before heading back to work part time but the monotony is mind numbing.

I am not a natural mother.



ps - We do get out and about, quite regularly actually, with various groups and NCT friends who I love - but today and yday I've been stuck in alone thanks to the heat and hubby is away all week in Germany.

/self indulgent thread...!!!