Get a grip

haha, we didn't tell anyone (well except my closest friend who was doing IVF and needed a heads up).

As it was becoming obvious I was busy enjoying all the gossip. Watching people tie themselves up in knots because they think you are a pregnant but don't dare say anything is hysterically funny .

I can't see that it matters. I told my best friend before DH. I had done the test at work and was bursting to tell so I rang her because I didn't want to tell DH over the phone. He didn't mind.

Am 15wks at present and due to circumstances am not going to tell parents or PIL for another 2 weeks until we see them face to face.

Have told my boss: I was getting pains so needed to go for early scans so in case something happened and I suddenly couldn't go into work and work colleagues so that they could alter work around for me. Also close friends because they had to look after me when I had bad morning sickness and hubby was staying away.

Circumstances dictate who you tell when and why. Ideally we'd like family to know first but it just ain't going to work out like that. Like everyone else, I wouldn't worry about it.

Don't change your name! I love it... Paul McGann, yum...

Right then peeps,
Very surprised at the amount of posts this thread got, the best I've ever started!

No they didn't know we were TTC,
Yes DC and his twin V.close.

However now I've been to Dr's and got myself sorted out with preg packs referrals etc, can now see wood for trees and see how great it will be to have cousins close together,

I think my title was maybe not in keeping with my thoughts at the time but it def provoked a reaction, even if a little harsh from some of you lovely MN'ers

Right off to change my profile name!

I was slightly surprised when one of my work colleagues told me his wife was pregnant - lovely, I was really excited for him. We were chatting about how he had wanted to keep it quiet for a bit etc etc but he had told our boss for various reasons. We had had another colleague we worked closely with who had left a few weeks before so I said, 'Oh, you'll have to email so and so and tell her', to which he replied, 'Oh, I told her before she left'.

So did he not tell people to wait till after the scan or not? Or was it more for his benefit? I still can't quite work out the logic of that one, felt as if everyone needed to know but me at the time.

Fwiw I can understand the OP being miffed. I made sure my parents, parents-in-law, brother and sister/ in-law and grandmother knew before I gave my Mum permission to tell the world but she felt this was the right thing to do as well so I phoned everyone at the same time and got it over and done with.

Just as long as you are not the last to hear about the baby's birth - that would be a bit imo.

congrats op....and glad you realised how YABU you were originally
Hope all goes well wiht your and your sil's pg

I told some friends before family becuase I wanted to talk about it, but I didn't want to tell my family until after 12 weeks. I have had a mmc before, and I knew they would worry loads, and be very upset if anything had hapened. Of course, my friends would have been upset too, but not as much as my mum and my sisters - who were the first people I told after all that. Then it was just in order of who we spoke to.

very bad, is there an underlying reason or tension? Try not to get too het up tho, tis only manners and not everyone has them!

Some people are closer to their friends than their family. in that case telling friends before family seems natural.

Did they know that you were ttc?
Maybe they were putting off telling you incase it upset you.

Am I the only person who has noticed that they did have a chance to tell the OP and her DH face to face before they were actually told (but presumably after they'd told others) and chose not to? I do think that's slightly odd.

As for pecking order, we made a point of telling our parents first and tried to get to DH's brother quickly afterwards but after that it was too difficult to prioritise

With my first pg, we told our mums and 3 of our closest friends within a few days. My mum was concerned that some friends knew before my brothers and told me I should tell them too and she would tell my dad.
My older brother responded by saying " well you're only just pg, something might go wrong yet". Unfortunately it did as mmc discovered at 12 wk scan. I felt v silly
Fortunately everyone is now smitten with my 7 week old DS

I learnt though to tell who we want, when we want. I can understand a fleeting wish to have been told earlier but it is their choice and hey, you have a niece/nephew on the way!!!

Oops. Then my brother and SIL are going to be most put out!

Mum told immediately.

A couple (friends) we went on holiday with when I was only 5 weeks were told (how else could I explain the no drinking and frequent naps?)

Two female work colleagues were told next...they guessed.

DBro and SIL will only be told once 12 week scan shows everything is ok.

Why are you so upset?

dollius.

Ah I get while you feel put out but I reakon it was circustancial they way people got told - you know didn't want to tell till the 12 week mark but too excited when you met people

My BIL wife is pregnant and we weren't told till she as 14 weeks I didn't fleetingly think 'hey why didn't you tell us earlier?' so I get your beef!!! Especially as DH practically wiped the pregnancy test out of my hand and showed it to anyone who'd listen so they hear EARLY (earlier than I wanted)

Why don't you just say 'oh congratulation cna't belive you managed to keep it quiet for so long!!!' Get it out your system without being nasty

Sorry, but LOL @ FabBakerGirl

Wouldn't bother me. However this is exactly the type of situation that my mil and sil love to get offended about. I find it quite pathetic tbh (sorry op, but I have a lot of first hand experience of mil especially getting all offended about some slight)

Just be really happy for your bil and sil, It's fantastic news.

i told some of my friends before my twin sis when i was preg with ds1, cos she didnt pick up the phone when i called

with dc2 i told some of my friends before my parents or ILs because was quite close together and wasnt sure their reaction whereas friends would only be positive

but dh the very first on both times of course

i think yabu a bit, its not a big deal. if they kept it from u the whole pregnancy, then yanbu for being annoyed but its not like that so dont worry about it

When I was pregnant my friends in the wine tasting club we went to knew before my sibs because they spotted I wasn't drinking, otherwise no-one except both parents knew before the 12 week scan. I never asked my brother who he'd told before me, it seemed irrelevent. Agree it's not a competition, get over yourself.

Agree with mummiesnet... Just because you did one thing doesn't make it right.

My mother was probably the last person to find out about my pregnancy (and, even then, I didn't tell her... DH got tipsy and phoned her on my behalf) I was 25 weeks pregnant at that point.

Was right for us...

So, you are being unreasonable!

My bil announced his engagement on fb before even telling his family even his mum and dad!

LOL mummiesnet

Loving your work

F.G.S.

yes there's an order. it's called 'whichever order the actual pregnant woman who is going to get fat and have the baby feels like telling people in'. that's the only order imo.

mind you, my mother is a bit nuts about this sort of thing so i rebel against it automatically.

ah but for some people there is an order ... we didn't want to tell anyone until after 12 wk scan. Had that, started telling people, rang SIL to tell her and BIL and said 'sorry we didn't tell you when we saw you a few weeks ago in person but wasn't the right time for us.' SIL said, "that's fine, as I assume we're among the first to know anyway." I just said <<mumble .... mumble no outright agreement>> as we'd actually told quite a few people by then - but they weren't going to know that!

Gosh - I didn't think there was an 'order'. I just told people as and when I saw/spoke to them - maybe they are like me and meant nothing by it?

my doctor knew before me

Congrats

(hope they don't find out you told MN first )

hahaha, def no need of tit for tat eh!!!
That would be petty, I'm not petty

In fact, we'll tell them first!! on principle

You're not selfish, just huffy. And there's nuffink wrong with a bit of huff under the circumstances.

I have to say the other posters are absolutely right, you should just put it behind you, no hard feelings, just look forward to the wonderful day the baby cousins can meet up at a joyous family get together etc etc.

Oh, and of course when you're in a position to spread your new baby news...make sure you tell 'em last

thanks for forgiving me in my hour of madness,
I blame heat and hormones and feel a damn sight better for being told I'm completely selfish for even thinking it!
I'm actually really pleased that A) My LO will have a cousin and
B) We'll have 2 LO near to each other to coo, compare and contrast and it bloody fab!

I know I have bizarre customs and ways, I blame the parents

I have to say I wouldn't have given a toss. My DP would have been affronted and insulted and wounded and generally aggrieved but I couldn't care less. Honestly, what right or claim do you have to be told before anyone else? Goodness, they have more important things to worry about than whether they'd upset you by telling someone else first. Right now the focus should be on feeling pleasure and excitement for them, surely.

I will forgive you for your transgression though, because of your own hormonal madness. Congratulations!

Well that's good you don't hate her - just trying to see if we could get to the crux of the matter.

It transpired there isn't one.

Do you think you might be overblowing the whole thing though somewhat:

"We sat down both our families within 24 hours and told everyone practically at the same time."

So what if you did?

You're right and they're wrong?

Perhaps they just don't think people will assume it's as groundbreaking as you did.

Congrats on your pregnancy btw - hope you've told everyone you know in RL before you told us lot

Why isn't there a crazy looking smileys?

I guess I have manners and standards higher than others

I had a similar thing happen to me and it got to the point that, although I knew my Bro and SIL were having a baby, I had to pretend I didn't (and I think they knew that I knew but still didn't say anything. I broke the stale mate by putting a congrats note in SIL birthday card and all was well after I had).

Bloody pathetic and not a little bit hurtful. I understand how you feel and although it doesn't matter in the long run (you do get over it when you realise that a new person is going to come into the world and how exciting that is) I was left wondering what it was all about and why I was such a pariah I couldn't be told at the same time as everyone else (still don't know, but have decided it doesn't matter now).

Not helpful for you other than to know your not the only one.

your 'beef' is silly, lol. who honestly gives a stuff about this sort of thing, good news is good news.

Dry your eyes!
It's no biggie is it?
YABU

congratulations on your pregnancy, mad hormonal etiquette lady.

I think my beef is the fact it was mutual friends, therefore they could have accidently slipped it out to us in conversation and we would have found out third hand,

Also they SAW us on Saturday face to face but rang last night so told us over the phone anyway.

You tell people when it crops up, when you see them, if they are part of your daily lives. Not a biggie.

I don't hate my SIL at all actually!
I'm really quite happy for them,
We sat down both our families within 24 hours and told everyone practically at the same time.
Yes I understand best friends/bosses ect may be told first, but it feels like everyone knew before us, I'm surprised we didn't hear via a friend on facebook or something, and I guess its more odd by the fact they had a perfect private opportunity to tell us on Saturday eve?

Our lack of pecking order is probably exaggerated by the fact I found out I am expecting #2 yesterday, the day they announced to us so am a bit emotional anyway?

PS I LOVE MN, you never know the reaction your going to get!!!

I really don't get the big deal here. She's only what 14 weeks pregnant? Of course her family would be the first to know, then his parents and so on.

Your dh is only a lowly uncle after all

People just get carried away with the excitement and accidentally tell people they see on a day-to-day basis before their family

I did anyway

I told anyone who would listen TBH

You're going to an Aunty who cares about etiquette?!

I told my friends in the pub half an hour after I'd done the test as they spotted I wasn't drinking and quizzed me until I confessed! DH and I only just knew, we told our parents when we next saw them, a day or two later. Then siblings, then everyone else after 12 weeks. It is just logistics, they might have wanted to tell you face to face.

Good news doesn't 'wear out' for being shared!

Do you get a prize for being in the first 5 people to know, or something?

God is this all you have to worry about - it REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY DOES NOT MATTER.

I didn't think there was any etiquette on this issue.

If my sister gets pregnant (and I do wish she'd get a move on) I wouldn't be at all surprised if she told some of her friends first

Actually I think you're being really odd if your only reaction to their news is: "Yeah good news and all" and then "I must go and rant about something insignificant on MN."

You hate your SIL, don't you?

Really, it doesn't matter.

There is surely no etiquette and people can tell who they want, when they want.

Mine are 8 5 and 4 and I still haven't told some people I was pregnant with them.

I told my boss before my mum!!

oops, you can't please everyone

I told a handful of friends then nobody, inc my Mum, Dad and brother til 13 weeks.

I don't think there are any hard and fast rules tbh, depends how close they are.

I wouldn't be thrilled. It's difficult to know the circumstances though. Sometimes friends find out first because they are there and spot the symptoms, or because you need someone to help through morning sickness or so on.

How does your DH feel about it?

it doesn't really matter who finds out first, there's always going to be one party who are disappointed to not have been told first. you can please everyone...try and see it from their point of view.

Yeah - does it matter?

Theres etiquette?

[thud]

Take a deep breath and think about how whiney you sound.

Does it really matter?

RANT ALERT!!

So my Brother-in-law, (DH Twin) and his DP
have announced they are expecting their first baby on 25/12/2009!!
Yeah good news and all

Then we fine out that all her family and our family were told first, fair enough can cope with that we live furthest away, out of sight and all that!

Then he drops the bombshell that they also told some of their (and our) friend before us?!?!?!

Surely this is bad baby breaking news etiquette?
I mean its his twin?!!?

deep breath