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AIBU?

to be jealous of friends dp/dh who actually help around house

21 replies

ridingjoker · 16/04/2009 20:05

i am so pleased for my friends who's oh help out, help with babies, dc, housework

exdp was a useless waste of space when it came to doing anything. and i mean anything.

so cheer me up.

what does your oh do for you that you appreciate.

be it making cup of tea while you bf......through to giving lie's in.

and has anyone got some great stories of nm who help out with your dc and treat them as if their own??

beginning to think as a single parent i will never experience the "luxuries" my friends receive. (i say luxuries as they seem like a bloody luxurious dream to me )

hence the of friends.

OP posts:

Report

onepieceofcremeegg · 16/04/2009 20:09

Imo dps/dhs shouldn't "help out" round the house and with the babies etc. They should do their share.

Like you I had an ex who wouldn't do much/at all.

Dh is fantatic with the dcs, more maternal than me tbh. I never empty the bins or do anything in the garden. I rarely "help" him with bathtime. (we have 2 young dds)

He brings me a coffee in bed every morning before I get up, and has done every day since we got married. However to be fair I generally make his sandwiches.

I think the best thing is to find someone who is prepared to work as part of a couple/team. There are some fab, fair men about ridingjoker.

There are also some real horrors. (I have been out with a few of those. ) Wishing you all the best with finding a fab nm.

squilly · 16/04/2009 20:12

I don't have a nm but my om is a star...he does loads around the house, washes, washes up, cleans the house, hoovers, tidies, spends lots and lots of time with dd and is generally a star.

He doesn't like ironing, but doesn't insist I iron his shirts.

Whilst dd and I have been on holidays, he's bought me a cuppa every morning before he heads off to work and he packed/washed all the clothes before/after our weekend Easter break.

He's one of the best. And I tell you this not out of smugness (though obviously, there is a little of that in the post) but to show you that men like this do exist and they are worth holding out for. If a man is worth having, he'll be good to you in any one of these ways and as the National Lottery ad goes, It Could Be You!

Geepers · 16/04/2009 20:13

I'd be here all day listing things my DH does.

He brings me tea and breakfast in bed every day.

He goes upstairs to bring the DD down out of her cot every day.

He does the children's breakfasts every day.

He will come home from work if I am feeling low.

He will pop into the shops after work if I haven't been out and we need something.

He will do almost anything I ask if it makes me happy and doesn't upset anyone else.

ridingjoker · 16/04/2009 20:14

oh there are some lovely oh's out there. keep em coming. seems to be more than a rare phenomena

OP posts:

MaureenMLove · 16/04/2009 20:14

He does all the cooking and very well too. We don't very often have pie and chip type meals (not that there's anything wrong with that, I love them!) he reads cookery books, shops and prepares dinner, every night.

Boys2mam · 16/04/2009 20:16

My DP makes me tea every morning, baths our DS's every evening (one of which is mine from my previous marriage) and does easily 50/50 of the night feeds. Oh, and I never have to fill my own wine glass

I met him after an awful time with my ex and he took in my son and I when we really needed the support, aside from all the other lovely stuff he did just for me

I can definately say it is possible to come out the other side.

onepieceofcremeegg · 16/04/2009 20:16

Squilly that was a lovely way of putting it, when you wrote "and I tell you this not out of smugness"

That's kind of what I was trying to get at too in my post.

Meglet · 16/04/2009 20:19

Yanbu. My ex p was horrible and hardly lifted a finger. I've realised I'm going to have to do the next few years all on my own while the dc's are small . Maybe I'll meet a nm in time for the teenage tears when it gets rough again.

Lots of my friends dh's sound amazing . TBH I'm feeling quite fed up about it as I'm shattered!

ridingjoker · 16/04/2009 20:21

oh i am definayelu holding out before i get into something meanful. different now i have dc.

but had recently been coming to my attention i would rather be on my own than share my home and life with someone unless they were great.

seems there are plenty of great men out there. i really like these stories.

ex used to demand i make him cup of tea. never once did i receive a brew from him ever......or any sort of help.... this includes once when i broke my hand (still had to do ironing),

and another time after getting colposcopy treatment. had to come straight home and bath dc. even though hospital told me not to do anything but go to bed for 24 hrs

bloody sure i wont be settling for anyone as crappy as him again.

OP posts:

noonki · 16/04/2009 20:23

After a bad experience early on with a waste of space (he couldnt cook pasta...that was my first warning sign!)

I ended up with dh who is great, He works f/t but when he is around he does at least 50% of everything (we do alternate mornings/cooking/bedtimes etc)

He already had a ds when we met so I got a chance to rate his parenting skills prior to having kids together

Hold out for a good one, and don't put up with less. better to be on your own I reackon.

TheButterflyEffect · 16/04/2009 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsMattie · 16/04/2009 20:26

My DH is totally hands on with the kids. He has always changed nappies, done night feeds etc from day one and spends as much time as he possibly can with our two. He cooks at the weekend (he works full time, self employed; I'm a SAHM) and generally mucks in with washing and housework etc. He is also happy to look after the kids if I want to go and get my hair done or see friends or whatever.

I have to say, he is a very kind and thoughtful husband , too. He will bring me a cup of tea in bed or offer me a massage if I'm feeling a bit tired or under the weather. he was a bloody saint when I was pregnant, too. Bless my DH

SerendipitousHarlot · 16/04/2009 20:27

My dh stays at home and looks after the dc while I'm at work. My dd is not his, but he is a fantastic father to her and our ds.

He cleans, tidies and does DIY. He cooks a lot and makes cakes.

Plus, he's a great shag

Like you, my exp was a tosser. He abused me mentally for a long time, and it was years until I had the courage to get rid. He didn't do a tap around the house, drank all the time, and was vile to live with.

It can easily happen to you. There are lots of good men out there. I'm of the opinion that you have to have a shit one to get a good one

Jacksmama · 16/04/2009 20:27

DH makes coffee the night before and sets the times so it's ready when we wake up and brings me a cup.

He has reduced his work week and stays home with 14-month-old DS on the days that I work.

On Easter weekend I did masses of baking and the kitchen was a sorry mess. He cleaned it - twice!!

When I come home from work he greets me at the door with a cold glass of wine.

He Hoovers the entire house. And cleans the cat litter. On Tuesday he did all the washing, didn't shrink a single one of my clothes, Hoovered and mopped the floors. While looking after DS.

When DS wakes up early or in the middle of the night we alternate getting up with him so the other can sleep.

He is the best!!! And I try to tel him as often as I can because I feel truly lucky. Men like this are out there - may one come your way soon!

ridingjoker · 16/04/2009 20:31

i know what i want to ask santa for xmas

ooooh dear think i have definate pmt. these stories making me want to blub like a baby and shake all your fella hands and give out trophoes engraved with "worlds best oh"

OP posts:

nickytwotimes · 16/04/2009 20:34

I totally agree with onepeice - they are not 'helping out', they are doing their share. Dh says things like "I've hung out your washing" to wind me up!

ANyway, there are a lot of top blokes around. Dh is great. He is a teacher so during the hlidays we share out the household tasks. I have back problems, so he does the hoovering/mopping and will just do whatever he sees needs done. I think it works well if you have similar standards. We are both quite neat, so we like to maintain the same level of tidiness.

As for parenting stuff, it should absolutely be equal when you are both around. Dh dotes on ds and would never consider childcare to be 'women's work'. He would love to be a SAHD, but is the bigger earner, so is turfed out every morning.

nickytwotimes · 16/04/2009 20:36

x post riding

Poor you - you obviously had a rotten time.

Hang in though - there are good blokes out there, honest!

onepieceofcremeegg · 16/04/2009 20:37

nicky my dh said the other day to dd "mummy's laundry basket" he then cringed as he waited for me reaction to his little joke . In fact I think dd (5) told him off before I did.

Dh gets up a bit more in the night than me. He sleeps quite deeply so doesn't always realise that it is his turn again

nickytwotimes · 16/04/2009 20:40

at laundry basket.

ridingjoker · 16/04/2009 20:40

onepiece at deep sleeping

OP posts:

Boys2mam · 16/04/2009 20:47

Oh, I have another one - I got a kitten after months of bullying persuading my DP then 3 wks later found out I was expecting.

He still says I did it on purpose to get out of cleaning the cat litter tray

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