to be jealous of my SIL's

[wannastartover]

pregnancy?

This might be long.. I met DH through SIL via mutual friend. DH and I had a quick romantic relationship and got married 8 months after we met, 2 months later found out I was pregnant. All went wrong as DH felt that he wasnt ready yet and 2 weddings receptions and 6 week holiday later we hardly had money left and he lost his job. So baby was a surprise. initially he didnt want it and i said i didnt care and i'll raise it on my own if i have too. he called SIL and she wasnt happy as she had abortion few weeks before we got married. But only after DD was born did I find out why she wasnt happy is because DH called her saying I was expecting and that he didnt want it and she had a go at me. He obviously only told me that she wasnt happy. Because he was in between work we decided not to tell his parents as they might not be too happy and after huge argument he called them and told them. They werent happy. to cut long story short no one was happy and we werent allowed to tell anyone like grandparents, etc. my parents dont live in UK but I told them and they were ecstatic.

DH and his parents have very funny relationship as sometimes or maybe most times he take advantage of what they do for him and quite early in pregnancy they cut all ties with us. Meaning none of his family saw me with a bump or offered any kind of help due to an issue they had with him. So after both my scans there were no one else nearby i could show it to and my family were dying to see it. I never said anything and thought that i'll give them a chance and once baby is there and they dont come when we tell them thats when i will then finally say they not worth it. 3 days before due date parents in law knocked on our door and apologised, just saying that they had a old moses basket and some things from some time ago. By then we bought everything ourselves. we made sure as we knew Maternity pay wont cover anything and by then DH found a permanent job. In a way I was quite proud of myself when i opened the nursery with my extra big bump and all was done just waited for baby. SIL contacted us on due date 1st time in 8 months not wanting to lose out on babies life. And she was truly sorry. baby was very overdue and was born 2 weeks after due date, SIL and partner stayed at hospital right through the night and was very supportive. I ended up having emergency c-section that reopened few days later and was readmitted to hospital for a week on anti-biotic drip. MIL was laying in another hospital as she fell when DH was 5 days old and broke her hip. due to this i had no help at all and after discharge from hospital i had to do all at home. Both SIL's came every 2nd week to visit but not offered anything else ever. as a couple we ended up having big money problems as dh started wasting money and just didnt care. Our relationship became bad that I almost left him recently but he actively seeking help now, so willing to give that a chance. but we always dependant on his parents if we cant make ends meet and i hate it and feel very embarrased.

So after baby was born SIL and partnet relationship didnt work as all those feelings about abortion resurfaced. They ended up splitting up. She started dating a guy soon after and they been together 8 months now and just found out she is expecting. I am over the moon for her truly am and they are thinking of moving nearer to us for kids sake as well as her parents. I for one wants to move away from his parents in order for DH to learn to stand on his own feet.... but want DD to be close to new cousin. there will be 2 year gap. But now I am going through these jealous feelings all the time since i found out. Still very happy about it but so jealous that I am creating arguments with DH now. As his family are so excited for her. They will most definitely be there for her through pregnancy and everything else and whole family will play a role including her partner. He has his own house and has a really good job. She has a good job as well but wont need to work ever once baby comes. And I feel like I fell for the complete wrong person in the sense that I am and wont ever be materialistic but I have never been in debt since my marriage. I married him and he had huge loans and now its Our loans. So we are constantly struggling and now I am jealous that my SIL for everything.

I need help to get over this. I am not a person that holds grudges and easily forgive people but why am I feeling like this. Is there some sort of help I can get...



Thanks for those that managed to read till here

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

I think your problem is not with your SIL but with your DH. He's the one who's let you down over your pregnancy and baby, with his debts and inability to cope; his actions led to his family shunning you both. Would Relate counselling help? Would he go with you?

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

I also think you'd be better posting this in "Relationships" than in AIBU.

[Melscorp]

wannastartover, it sounds you have had a rough time of it all, but I think OldLadyKnowsNothing is right and it is DH you should be upset with.

Some of your feelings are understandable, especially as your PIL weren't there for you, but seem to be glowing over your SIL. It must be a really awful situation.

I too think you may need help as there are probably other underlying factors which are contributing to your current emotional stance. See if you can get some couselling.

[wannastartover]

Hi thanks for replies. I do realise its not their fault but DH and thats why now that he is actively for 1st time trying to do something to save our marriage I am now not wanting him to as I feel that he let us down and thats why I feel so horrible as its just stupid feelings

Will try and copy it in relationships.