To be peed off that p is so lazy he'd rather I gave up my p/t job than him do housework

[trixiethepixie]

I need a bit of a rant. Dp works f/t and I look after our 14 mo old. 4 nights week, I go out to work as soon as he gets home until 10 or 11pm. It's a lot of heavy lifting and carrying involved unlike dp's office job.

The housework issue has been raising it's ugly head recently as dp does nothing round the house. Big, fat zero. It's pretty difficult for me to get anything done with ds constantly using my legs as a pulling up and standing shakily device. Still I manage to clean and cook. Only to go out work and come home to find the dishes sitting, washing he knew he needed done for the next day (so I have to sit up until the cycle's finished while he swans off to bed), and the house trashed.

This morning I'd had enough and rang dp to give off to him as once again I came down to find the living room a mess with all manner of choking hazards strewn about and a big pile of dishes as dp had mates round. I told him he was being selfish expecting me to do everything around the house and go out to work but he comes home from work, looks after ds for an hour before his bed and then does nothing. He then said to me he'd rather I gave up my pt job (money we can really use right now, not to mention the little bit of sanity it gives me) than him do housework.

How selfish and lazy can you get??? I'm so not BU am I, to ask him just to do a little bit round the house?

[rubyslippersisappearinginpanto]

before you had your DS did he do stuff round the house or not?

[trixiethepixie]

A bit. Not a great deal but it was easier to get stuff done then and obviously there wasn't as much mess. As soon as I went off on mat leave he seemed to down tools and hasn't done anything since.

I've made a rod for my own back haven't I?

[phraedd]

tell him that you will give up your job when he starts giving you the equivalent money that you then won't be earning.

[Ineedmorechocolatenow]

Both lazy and selfish. YANBU

[rubyslippersisappearinginpanto]

trixie - you give him a list of jobs

they are non-negotiable

you are a PARTNERSHIP

[duchesse]

Up your hours and get a cleaner. You will lose a bit of money, but gain hours in not cleaning. The cleaning can take over your life when you're supposedly at home looking after your child. FWIW, he is being a pain and needs a serious attitude readjustment- preferably administered sharply and firmly to his shins.

[trixiethepixie]

Hmm, not a bad idea about the cleaner duchesse. A woman actually gave me her card the other day as she runs a cleaning firm.

I'll definately be making a list ruby. Id booked time off work this weekend so I can do a total gut out before the hoards come to stay for xmas. Dp has just talked himself into the most stinky, horrible jobs. Maybe I should start treating him like a child and make a rota.

[rubyslippersisappearinginpanto]

My DH is upfront about needing a list

do it - do not let him get away with it

[Ineedmorechocolatenow]

I agree about the rota.... and have smiley stickers when he's done a job well....

[AMIStletoekiss]

Don't let him get away with that attitude - everyone who lives in a house should expect to contribute to keeping it clean, cooking, shopping, etc. Even if you didn't go out to work at all, he'd still be unreasonable for expecting you to do everything, specially cleaning up after his mates have trashed the place!

[VinegarSantaGropedMyTits]

Selfish lazy fcker

So your supposed to give up your little bit of independence so he doesnt have to wash dishes

Tell him he is a wanker, show him this thread

Better still, if he doesnt buck up his ideas show him the fcking door

[trixiethepixie]

I know, I've been too soft on him in the past. It's time to put the foot down. I don't want him to set a bad example to ds when he grows up and dp knows I want to start studying for nursing next year so he's going to have to start helping me out more.

A reward chart. I like your style inmcn . I could just imagine the type of rewards he'd be asking for...

[Nagapie]

If the chores are becoming a nightmare and he is unwilling to help, I would go with the suggestion of hiring a cleaner ... it will be an expense you can avoid, but if it saves your sanity...

If he is really unwilling, perhaps the 1st port of call is to sit him down and negotiate what chores you want to delegate ..

My DH isn't the best house cleaner and I have to grit my teeth as he doesn't do things exactly how I want them done, but if I grizzle, it just gives him more reason not to do anything and adds fuel to the 'grumpy cow' argument that gets used ...

[Lulumama]

if DH said that to me, i would seriosuly be considering whether i wanted to stay married to him. that is atrocious.

what a selfish and thoughtless attitude

i would not up my hours to pay for a cleaner in these circs, surely that lets him off the hook!!

[trixiethepixie]

That's the crux of it vt. I spent nine months in the house and it totally demented me and I hate not having a little bit of my own money. You see he never wanted me to start working in the first place as he hates having to sit in and not getting out to see his mates at night.

Ahh the old "stop nagging me thing" nagapie. I think I've heard that several times this week.

Now you mention it, a cleaner may be letting him get away with it lulu

[littlelyn]

You work about 20 hours a week and DP does around 37? Then he needs to understand that he doesn't get off scot free with the household chores. If you split up he would have to do 100% unless he was content to live like a pig. You need quality time with your mates too btw.