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AIBU?

My life is total toilet!

20 replies

Wallerbies · 26/09/2008 18:14

Dear all,

Sorry to rant but I am totally fuming, dh is a useless MF and doesn't deserve the effort I put in for this family.

I am working full time from home while he is part time. He has taken over most of the childcare (I've also had to undo a lot of his help!)

This evening dh had a go at me because I am working late again! he decided to give up his job as an accountant why the f*K should I be held responsible for the hours I have to keep to earn enough money to keep the wolf from the door. I really used to enjoy working part time being promoted was excellent but he has such a sht attitude towards me and doesn't appreciate that I need some respect from him. I do housework 3 out of 5 days during my lunch and need a break.

He also moans because I go out to two exercise classes a week. I think I need exercise all I do is sit behind a desk all day everyday I am getting fat. I used to love walking with DS everyday.

Most evenings I sneek down and make tea for them both and sometimes I am so tired I lie in but he is making me feel really guilty about this I don't know what to do apart from divorce the loser.

Fumming, stuck in the house lonely housewife. Needs an extra curricular activity.

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dittany · 26/09/2008 18:23

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feedmenow · 26/09/2008 18:30

Wallerbies, you sound understandably peeved! Is there any way you could not work from home? Even something as trivial as "travelling to work" might give you a bit of me-time that could help you a little.

I'm not saying that this is your fault, BTW, just that I kind of get how you feel (whilst NOT working from home) and find my journeys to work almost invaluable just for some quiet time/I can't actually do anything other than travel right now time.

Why did he give up his job by the way? Would him working and ds being in childcare be a possibility?

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Wallerbies · 26/09/2008 18:33

He does the washing up and gets up in the night for our son. He gave up his job because he could not stand his colleagues oh to have to luxury!

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dittany · 26/09/2008 18:36

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Wallerbies · 26/09/2008 18:39

He does work part time, I made him get a job because DH likes his motorsport and motorbike so to pay for it he has to work.

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Wallerbies · 26/09/2008 18:41

I know the unfair share drives me mad, he doesn't hoover because it may disturb ds but ds can sleep through an ann summers party! I need a night out away from this place to relax and unwind.

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Wallerbies · 26/09/2008 18:44

I'm so stressed out, the floors need a wash the fridge needs a clean and I can't remember the last time I dusted our bedroom. I've got a mountain of gardening to do I've not had sex for a month.

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dittany · 26/09/2008 18:44

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Wallerbies · 26/09/2008 18:46

I think all I am getting out of this relationship is access to my son. I love my ds and he is the only thing keeping me here.

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Whoopee · 26/09/2008 18:46

I don't think you're being unreasonable. You sound very put-upon.

The trouble with working from home - I've done it before - is that it brings the stress of the workplace into your house. It always sounds like a great idea and a lot of people think it would be luxury to work in their pyjamas on the sofa, but the reality is far more stressful and invasive and I don't think anyone understands this until they've done it.

Yes, you need those exercise classes. For goodness' sake, you don't even get to go out or take a break three lunches out of five. I get really stressed if I don't get enough exercise; it's natural.

I have a cat and a child on my lap now so can't type any more without difficulty. But I sympathise!!

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Wallerbies · 26/09/2008 18:48

His money goes on childcare and the rest goes towards his extra curricular activities. I've booked then up on a swimming course for their day off as it was driving me mad having him around the house all day on their day off!

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dittany · 26/09/2008 18:49

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Wallerbies · 26/09/2008 18:50

Thank you everyone for your responses, I think I will start to look for another job before I need to look for another place to live.

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Wallerbies · 26/09/2008 18:54

Yes he does get in the way constantly, I have to listen to his opinion and things he has discovered about how ds has developed. I always got DS (2 years old) to self sooth himself to sleep because he always slept on me I loved it. Since DH took over he tells me what ds wants and has a go at me if I try and take over if DS is ill or hurts himself and he ruined potty training so much I have given up at the moment. He glares at me and I want to punch his lights out. I have locked myself in the study.

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Wallerbies · 26/09/2008 18:57

Oh yes about the self soothing, ds used to go to sleep by himself unless he's ill/teething etc. I had to teach him this again after I discovered on my nights out dh sat in with ds until ds went to sleep as he didn't want to upset him! It took 3 nights to sort that one out. He told me not to grab ds to clean his teeth because it was unfair I said it would be unfair if ds has rotten teeth at 3! exagerated I know but you know what I mean here...

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HonoriaGlossop · 26/09/2008 19:47

If he has the majority of the childcare then you need to allow him to have his methods and not interfere with them. You may not agree with them all but tbh what you are describing is a difference of approach - not that your DH is doing anything utterly unsupportable like giving physical punishments that you don't agree with etc.

Agree the housework needs to be much more evenly split.

however he gives you a lie in, and you are out two nights a week. Doesn't sound that bad to me? Why are you SO angry? Is it that you feel forced into working full time? Did you have a say in it?

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handlemecarefully · 26/09/2008 19:57

I don't think you've been reading properly HG. From the details you have given Wallerbies, your dh isn't even close to doing his fair share.

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dittany · 26/09/2008 20:08

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Starbear · 26/09/2008 20:25

Wallerbies, I can't stand my DH being around the house, all day during the summer hols and I now don't take time off during the half terms unless we are on an outing. So I sympathize DH has one agenda (like DIY) I have another cleaning the house(we both want the same sink! it just doesn't work. I'm part-time so it works out most of the time. I hate my job. but hey! So I look forward to september every year. I found a website in Prima magazine www.workingmums.co.uk. just don't choose home working. Anyway hasn't homeworking caused us enough problems with Personal Data being lost or stolen?!!!

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Wallerbies · 29/09/2008 09:55

Hi all,

I don't think he realises what he is doing because he just wants to do everything for DS and doesn't realise my feeling are being forgotten.

Well I got very drunk Friday and DH slept on the sofa and I told him he would not be visiting the track to watch racing and we all needed a quiet weekend. DS was not well so we concentrated on him and now DH has helped clean the the top of the house and I spent some lovely hours with DS painting and sticking and playing outside and then we went out and met with friends at a farm. We are talking but taking it slowly - he now realises that I am overburdened and need help! Let's see how it goes. We have also agreed to allow time in our weekends for cleaning