To want my 23 year old brother a father of two to stand on his own two feet

[KatieDD]

He's been living with us for 12 weeks now and in that time worked for 1 week in total.
He is doing my head in, sat around all day watching me cleaning, washing gardening etc.
I need him out of the house, 9-5pm Monday to Friday, I can't bear it.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

Then why are you letting him? Give him a job to do - don't ask just tell him!

[PootyApplewater]

So tell him!
And if he hasn't got a job, write him a list of things that need doing around the house.

[KatieDD]

Kids are with their mother, he is still in fucking bed, I'm not dressed I suppose but I am doing house work.
Grrrr
I've given him house work, it doesn't get done, he needs a job in order to pay to travel down to see his kids, what more motivation could you need ??/

[BecauseImWorthIt]

Go and get him out of bed and tell him he is a grown up and you are not his new mummy.

[PootyApplewater]

Shout one warning for slob to get up.
Wait five minutes.
If slob still in bed, enter room.
Pull off duvet.
Pour water on slob.
Tell him that he needs to get up and look for a job.
And it is his turn to cook dinner.

He is taking the piss.
You are letting him.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

How about threatening to chuck him out if he doesn't pull his weight? That might give him some motivation.

[2point4kids]

Tell him he does x, y and z instead of paying you rent. If he doesnt do it, he leaves. End of story.
Tell him if he is actively looking for work or doing work then he is exempt from the chores. He'll be down the job centre asap I bet.

[madamez]

OK so presumably you've got him because his DW has thrown him out. This may mean that he is depressed and should be packed off to the GP (not unreasonable to be depressed if you have been thrown out because a partner wants to be with someone else, for instance).
Or it could be that his DW threw him out because he behaved like this when he lived with her. Have you any idea which? Is there any likelihood of you being able to pack him off back to his DW?

[KatieDD]

Tragically he has been thrown out by ex girlfriend and my mother for this very reason no doubt, if I throw him out he's snookered, don't want to threaten it either because my dad did that all the time and it's not nice feeling like you could be without a home at any moment.
Motivation is a fucking nightmare though, his dad is coming to see him tonight and no doubt will ask what he is doing about job hunting.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

What's tragic is that this has happened to him twice and he hasn't learnt anything from it. And if you don't put a rocket up his arse say/do anything then you're not really helping him either!

Sorry - there's obviously more going on here, but I do think you're not doing him any favours by allowing him to not do anything around the house.

[nametaken]

Can you work out a plan of action for him next week - take him to the GP, the jobcentre, the housing association, the CAB etc, attack it from all angles and get as much outside agency help as you can and really go for it, all in one week. And invite his kids up for the day really make a fuss of him and offer him all the help you can FOR ONE WEEK ONLY - then, give him a deadline for a job and stick to it.

Feel sorry for you.

[KatieDD]

Nametaken that does sound like a plan, next week should be a good time, I agree it's self esteem, i've been making him eat well, sleep at a reasonable time and generally looking after him for 12 weeks but some action is required now before the summer holidays when I will have no energy at all.