To ask H to stay away for 4-5 days

[mybrainaches]

W e split in mid March when I found him cheating, he would come to see the kids about twice a week, suddenly over the last 10 days, he has been down everyday, taking them out or asking if he can sit in the house with them for a couple of hours, today I text him asked him not to come til end of week as when I see him I become full of rage, so I would probably be a better mother if he just did'nt come for a while, now he is accusing me of using the kids as a weapon, I truely am not, I just want a few days to wind down, AIBU?

[mankymummy]

no way. You are not being unreasonable.

can you set up a regular schedule of visiting so you have time to yourself and so you and the kids know when he will be coming?

[kerryk]

yanbu, its your house and he has given up the right to come and go as he pleases.

sounds like he is starting to realise what he has thrown away!!!

[Nagapie]

Can you not take the kids to a mutually agreed place/relative's home at an agreed time so you don't have to deal with him??

He is still the dad ... albeit one that has a problem with his flies...

[mybrainaches]

He works shifts so thats not possible, I have tried my best to be fair, even moving meal times etc to allow him to see them, but now he wants to come everyday and I cant bear to see him so often, he makes my blood boil, he even asks if he can come and ut them to bed, he fails to see he cant be with someone else and still have the same luxaries with his kids like he did when we were together.

[VictorianSqualor]

YANBU, I found that xp used to try coming down every day and it confused the kids, to them it was almost the same as him still living there so I told him he was to only see them away from the family home and at set times, there is nothing to say how many times a week he can see them, just you need to have a routine.

[mybrainaches]

I know he is still thier dad, but I am only asking for 5 days max, a lifetime would be better but I know I have to adjust to it soon.

[mybrainaches]

he just sent another text saying the same thing, am choosing to ignore now, why cant he just leave me alone, we spoke less when we were together fgs.

[FAWKEOFF]

is he wanting to get back together with you or is he with someone else?????

you are not being unreasonable at all
he decided to be an unfaithful manwhore so he needs to lie in the bed he has made.

how are you going to be able to move on from this if he is in your face all the time????

he has to learn that it isnt okay to tear a family apart and expect to play the doting father every day of the week

[mybrainaches]

I dont know, he is with someone else (an 18 yr old) but he is acting a bit strange, wanting to come over more and more but see them at the house, and being quite friendly, until I put him in his place this morning.

[mybrainaches]

He has just told me he has saved every single text I have sent him and saved it on the pc, and he records our conversations.....he's a freaky fecking wierdo

[mybrainaches]

Does no-one else think that is odd? he told me to be careful what I say........wtf, I think he forgets who did the cheating.

[lollipopmother]

Sounds like he's trying to scare you into letting him see the kids, I assume he's keeping a record of everything because he wants you to think he'll try and get custody or something??

[mybrainaches]

Well he can, I have said nothing that could go againsed me, in fact most of what I say could go dead againsed him......... the fool!!!!

[alicet]

YANBU at all but I can see why he might think you are using the kids against him - I don't think you are at all but asking for him to stay away from you is indirectly asking him to stay away from them isn't it?

I think what you need to do is meet up without the kids in order to make a custody plan. This may need to be through a solicitor or you may need a mutual friend to be there too so that he doesn't become unreasonable as from your posts about how he has been behaving he might.

It's not unreasonable for you to want to know what is happening and also for him not to think he can come over every day. Sod his shifts - you can still have a plan in place even it it's that he sees them 3 evenings a week and you will speak every Sunday night to work out what those 3 evenings are to fit with the shifts he has for that week.

Stick to your guns. If he continues to behave like this see a solicitor and do it through them. I think it will be better for your kids in the long run to know when they are seeing their dad rather than have him just pitch up / call demanding stuff like this.