to think that the mum of an*autistic* boy should be looking fter him?

[windygalestoday]

Now before anyone gets annoyed this boy clearly has learning difficulties he is at least 13,he swears,he shouts and generally causes problems when the children all play out together.

we live opposite a football pitch where all the children play it is only lately that my ds aged 14 and 12 play out there because the 'bigger boys' tended to take it over and fights were frequent.......until then the local children were content to play in gardens or the street or in our case our home,several children dont invite this boy to join in and i have always encourged my children to let everyone join in so recently this boy has been 'playing'- in playing hes verbally abused lots of people,tried to fight them and thrown bricks at dogs so i understand why they didnt want him to play (this is none of my business im not out there playing and so its up to the boys who are playing to sort it out)well this boy seems to have some reason to think he should know where my ds2 is at all times ,my dh works nights and frequently the boy bangs on the door or window and shouts where is ?
i usually go out and say ds2 is wherever,plese dont bng on the door or window like that knock gently and i will come.
this can happen upto 6-7 times a day sometimes til as late as 9.30pm,ds2 will go to the door and say hes not playing its quite late and not to bang like that at which point hes met with profanity.

recently ive told my boys to avoid this boy not to get caught up in conversation with him and when they come in to say to all the kids dont knock on for me cos my mum doesnt like it (so as not to single this child out)

dh was going to work last week at gone 9pm this boy was lay on our path and dh told him to get home before his mum started looking for him (at which point he realised the boy had in his hands branches of the bushes in our garden),on friday he was riding a bike with a wonky seat and no brakes the wrong way up a main road !!!

well on saturday and sunday weve had something thrown at our windows at about 8pm last night i saw who did it as did my dh...dh was taking the dog out and i was closing the curtains......immediately our boys ran after him(u can understand why) i quickly followed scared there might be fight dh followed too......as i approch them this boy maes like hes going to hit me clearly he was scared hed been caught so i said youre really naughty and now i have to tell your mum he continued flailing around and grabbed at me(my ds1 and 2 were there but dh warned them to stay out of it ,im a nursery nurse and knew or hoped he wouldnt carry out his threat) so we are in the st this boy abusing me, a woman with bottle of wine in her hand shouts whats going on? i said i need to see this boys mum at which point i was met with ermmmmm hostility the boys mum quickly came lots of shouting ensued and the main point being was that he has autism and was scared .....whilst i understand a great deal about autism i dont live with it and i think i was very tolerant (these women were spitting in the street as they shouted)the row between them subsided when i mentioned maybe i should just call the police as now i was being threatened by women in the street(i wsnt worried just shocked lol)the dad of the boy in question then assured us he would make his son stay away from our home - but surely this boy needs closer supervision if he is as bad as they say?

what a pollaver on a easter sunday.

the general point being made was because he has autism he can do what he wants my argument being well if he doesnt understand what he did ws wrong why did he react like tht and if he really has no concept of right and wrong he needs looking after not just being left out to play.

[chelsygirl]

nightmare situation for your family, I really sympathise!

his parents need to pull their heads out their backsides, of course the boy needs to play and mix, but a bit of supervision sounds needed badly

try ringing the community policeman, just to run this past him, he might think of something so everyone is happy out playing, he might even have a friendly word with the boys parents, maybe they are at their wits end too and could use a bit of help.

[turquoise]

Sounds like maybe the dad is the person to talk to.

I think maybe keep your opinion of their parenting to yourself, however justified you might feel - it's not going to help communication if the mother is so agressive. But see if you can have a quiet chat with the dad, work out some ground rules for the boy to help him join in better with the other children?

[2shoes]

agrree with chelseygirl. call the community police. they are good at dealing with stuff like this(it stopeed the darlings egging our house)

[Mamazon]

i sympathise with your situation.

yes this boy should have been supervised more closely, ASD or not.

yes he was undoubtedly very scared indeed.

I think i would contact SS if i were you as he is obviously causing a nuisance and is not being supervised properly.
If for no other reason but to protect him from being assaulted by less understanding neighbours.

[TotalChaos]

agree with mamazon.

[Janni]

I would go down the community police route first, if you have PCSOs in your area. If that doesn't help I'd get on to social services. This is a situation that sounds like it could spiral increasingly out of control as the boy gets bigger and older, the parents become less able to deal with him and the neighbours become increasingly frustrated.

I feel for you.

[roastlamb]

My sympathies, I feel for you.

Yes, he should have been supervised.

[windygalestoday]

well thankfully so far its quiet today-thankyou all for your suggestions it really is vv awkward

[pagwatch]

TBH the autism thing is a bit of a red herring.
A child who cannot cope with behaving appropriately should be over seen by their parents.
Your problem seems to be the classic disinterested parent problem.
Although I would suggest that chasing a child with SN will be likely to scare them enormously.

Your problem seems to be dealing with parents who arn't interested. Which is always a tough one.

[windygalestoday]

if he was truly autistic (as i understand it presumably you have more knowledge on this than me,my knowledge comes from books and what i see in schools and places i work) then i think i have been very careful not to be cross with him if another child knocked on my door 6-7 consecutively i may well have said do not knock again ive told you already( i have 3 sons and lthough im fair im uite firm)i have made many allowances for the boy including encourging the other boys to let him join in and i do explain why he shouldnt hammer on my door sometimes 4 x day........if hed have thrown whtever it ws at my window and stood there or reacted in any way different to another child i would have thought to myself poor bugga hes really not up to behaving like this and i probably would as i have many times explained to him why he shouldnt do it .....as it was he ran off started saying it was another boy when i clearly saw who it ws then he began being abusive to me -he would have hit me i think had i not remained calm and said i have to see your mum now this has gone on far too long........i think he must have some asd but i dont think it cn be used s n excuse to tolerte this behviour nd if he really cant control his behviour s his mum seems to say then he really needs to be playing out supervised at the moment the situations i see him involved in are uite dangerous ....also his mum and the other mums were clearly quite drunk not tipsy which makes me think what care is he getting?

as regards the chasing thing i didnt chase him- my sons did i think they are at the end of their tether and i understand why ....also there is a silly gme the ids seem to play lately called consequence which means they do something 'bad' and get a 'chase' if theyre caught they go lower down the scale and if theyre not caught they move higher up?? a bit a think like a dangerous gme of knockadoor runaway and it would appear this boy is quite high up the ladder as his behviour is excused with his autism diagnosis.

[yurt1]

Agree with pagwatch

[Taweret]

How worrying that a vulnerable child is left to fend for himself in social situations that he clearly finds very difficult to cope with.

His parents do seem to be letting him down.

Are there any local groups for young people near you? Perhaps you could encourage your sons to go along and take this child with them?

A more structured environment might enable him to cope better socially.

[windygalestoday]

taweret ive now told my children to avoid all contact with this boy i cant risk my children folowing this path and thinking its acceptable iyswim?

[chelsygirl]

yhats probably best windy, although not so easy when they are all out playing and this boy joins in...........

I really think you should contact the community police, they are very helpful with advice and they only take action if you allow them to.