why's your child at the childminders............

[cupsoftea]

This is what another mum asked me today!

It's school holidays so my other three school age kids (ages 10,7 &4) are at home plus I have a 5 month baby. Last weekend I had mastitis and still don't feel fully recovered - feel tired out. My ds age 2 goes to a childminder for a few hours a day and during this time I get all my jobs done that are difficult or impossible with having to keep an eye on a two year old. Ourfamily live a days travel away and so my dh & me do everything for our children ourselves.

I should to ask her the same question, as she only has a five month baby to look after - but I'm not as rude as she is.

[missorinoco]

look superior and knowing as you tell her "that's right, this is your first isn't it. you will learn...."
that will have her worrying.

[LittleBella]

It might have just been a conversational gambit.

[cupsoftea]

I should SC but it really got to me - should have just given her the big bad words that sprang to mind.

[cupsoftea]

MissO - Like the superior approach

Bella - perhaps but could have just mentioned the weather or something less critical.

[needmorecoffee]

I had someone ask me the opposite. Had 3 under 3, no help and no family. 'You should get a childmonder' this woman said. But did she offer to pay for it? Did she heck!
I swallowed big bad words too. Now I am old and tetchy I would just say them

[Katiekitty]

Exactly! You're not as rude as she is, plus you have a huge more comprehension about what it means to run a busy house and keep your family going. What do you think she would have answered if you told her what you've told us here?
Hope you feel better soon, are you managing ok with it being school holidays?

[moljam]

we have people ask this all the time-my answer-just because.

[crace]

cupsoftea, I don't blame for you using a childminder! In fact I have a 3 year old come to me once a week for 3 hours so her mum can get things done. I have never looked at her like she shouldn't be using me, if not a bit jealous I can't do the same!

[LittleBella]

Yes but the weather's boring.

Lots of people have very few social skills as well.

[Bangandthedirtisgone]

Maybe she meant to be rude, maybe she didn't. The net was result was that she put you in a position where she felt you had to defend your childrearing position. So no, YANBU.

If I had a pound for every time someone asked me "why aren't you using disposable nappies?!". People should just butt out.

Sorry, very sensitive today, but totally see why this p-d you off.

[cupsoftea]

thanks kkitty and SC

I would never dream of saying something so questioning of another person & their kids.

School hols ok - today we're doing play doh, I'm bf at the moment & after it'll be everyone running in the garden. Lunch is a mix of what's in the fridge.

[cupsoftea]

mol - that's a relaxed answer - I like it

thanks crace & bang

LittleB - perhaps she hadn't had her morning coffee

[cupsoftea]

goodness needmorecoffee - funny how people can just question what we do as parents.

[Katiekitty]

Some people just think it's their right to question aspects of other people's lives. They have no shame! I hate the sanctimonious air of some people... 'Oh, you're doing such-and-such are you?' and it's always accompanied by a look of mock horror, raised eyebrow and as if they've just discovered a bad smell! Hilarious!

Maybe you should have just answered with something like: "Yes, isn't it!" to confuse her...

silly woman (her, not you)

[moljam]

Katiekitty-ignore ignore ignore!

[cupsoftea]

very true words kkitty - like the idea of confusing her

[Cathcarter]

Oh, I've just started my maternity leave and my 18 month old is still going to the childminder 3 days a week. I think you just have to be confident in your decision - my son loves going to the childminder and it means I have a chance to catch up with everything before carnage sets in with the newbie! You so don't have to justify your decision to anyone - sounds like you got lots on!

[Peachy]

Ignore her.

I am only at Uni 7 hours a week this year but DH does three mornings a week at CM (and 5 afternoons at school). But I am heavily PG, have Uni owrk on top of the lectures, no childcare, DH ahs to sleep in the mornings (night worker), and 2 of our 3 sons (including ds3) are disabled so its really ahrd to do anything, including sleep, with them about and I need to do things other than change nappies / restrain from time to time.

Besiddes, if they're ahppy then a routine is a good thing isn't it? Only reason ds3 isn't there next week for half term is she's away. drat!

[cupsoftea]

Cath - happy your little one likes his childminder - mine does as well. He likes the different toys and change of scene. Hope you can put your feet up a bit during your maternity leave.

[cupsoftea]

Sounds like you're really busy Peachy - full respect to how you manage everything.

[cupsoftea]

off to sort playdoh probs xxx

[Peachy]

yeah busy me (Peachy phsl as still in nightdress LOL)

[Kitti]

It's good for him to be out of the house and socialising with other adults/kids. Even if he was your only child and you didn't work it's not such a bad idea. I agree with someone else here when they say people just think they can question you about your life - I don't know why they think they have the right but they do. In your situation I think you're doing the right thing. Well done for keeping your cool anyway although you were probably too stunned to know what to say!!.