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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Odd behaviour or is it me?

83 replies

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/09/2022 11:40

Over the past week or so, a male teacher at my children’s school has just begun acting strange towards me. Or maybe it’s me just over thinking things.
Last week, along a wide outside path where there was nobody else other than him and me walking in opposite directions. When we crossed paths, he bumped into me. The path is approximately 3m wide so there wasn’t any need for this to happen and he was watching me as we were walking, so it wasn’t accidental. I said ‘oopsie’ in a joking way as I tried to dodge him (as I was walking diagonally away from him he was walking towards me hence why I don’t believe it was an accidental bump), and he just looked at me before carrying on walking. Brushed it off as strange, and didn’t think anything else of it.

Since then, every time I look up while waiting for my children to come out of school, I see him just looking at me. If I smile he just has this deadpan expression.

Today I was speaking to another teacher (the head, we’re friends so was a brief chat), this teacher approached us and joined in the conversation in a friendly way. He kept touching my arm to tell me something while I was part way through speaking to the head teacher, so once I finished my sentence I turned to acknowledge him, smiled and said something, while I was actually mid sentence, he responded ‘oh right’ and turned away and walked off.

I remember too months ago now, I got a notification that he viewed my linked in profile. Irrelevant probably but?

I am very confused. Is this a power thing? Is he odd? Or am I just over thinking things and he’s actually being pretty normal?

He honestly looks like he wants to murder me!

OP posts:
Keyansier · 05/09/2022 11:45

Fancies you?

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 05/09/2022 11:48

Fancies you but is unable to express it like a normal human.

He’s a weirdo. Please don’t go out with him.

Notimeforaname · 05/09/2022 11:50

He fancies you op

girlmom21 · 05/09/2022 11:53

I'd assume he fancies you too. Mention it to your friend?

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/09/2022 11:54

He’s married. So am I. So I really don’t think so. The look he gives me really looks like a look of hatred. I casually asked my children what he’s like at school and they all said he’s so cool and so nice to them. Just clearly hates me haha!

It is odd behaviour though, isn’t it? It’s not all in my head?

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 05/09/2022 11:56

Maybe you look or dress similar to his emotionally unavailable mother and it triggers him?

Or his first girlfriend who took his virginity and then broke his heart?

KimberleyClark · 05/09/2022 11:59

You think he hates you and yet he goes out of his way to get physical contact with you? You may be misinterpreting his expression. He might think he’s looking all moody and passionate.

heldinadream · 05/09/2022 12:01

Personally I think that's weird as fuck and I'd be very wary of him. If the head is a close friend I'd even think about trying talking to her/him about him. He could be real trouble.

SpinningFloppa · 05/09/2022 12:01

Surely If the head teacher is an actual friend of yours like real life friend then you could just ask her?

SnoozyLucy7 · 05/09/2022 12:02

People can still fancy some else even if they are married. I think he definitely has an inappropriate crush on you.

KettrickenSmiled · 05/09/2022 12:05

Is this a power thing?
The footpath incident - yes, definitely.
He didn't accidentally bump into you - he swerved to make it happen.

Is he odd?
Yes.
But sadly - not uncommon. Google "manslamming".

Or am I just over thinking things and he’s actually being pretty normal?
You are not overthinking.
Your instincts are shouting at you. Gavin de Becker would advise you to listen to them. www.amazon.co.uk/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0747538352?asin=0440508835&revisionId=&format=4&depth=1

He kept touching my arm to tell me something while I was part way through speaking to the head teacher,
Who DOES that?
And then to walk away halfway through your eventual reply?

This man is all about the dominance display. Please stop smiling at him.
Follow this link, & read the text on the metaphor of a woman in a bar -
www.jennisspace.com/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/

There's been a few responses while I was searching for links so I will hold back to see any updates & what PP have posted before rattling on ...

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/09/2022 12:11

I will speak to my friend (the head). She definitely noticed today as when he walked off part way through my sentence she was still there and she raised her eyebrows at me in a questioning way before another parent approached her so I left.

That is partly why I asked on here too as I didn’t know if I was just misinterpreting him. Even more so, I didn’t want to go and cause issues for him after enduring just over a week of his quirkiness if I had just read things the wrong way. He’s the deputy head so I don’t need to ever have anything to do with him. Just so strange. If I could describe the look he always gives me, it’s like total disgust, so I’m betting the poster who said I must remind him of either an emotionally unavailable mother or an ex who broke his heart must be correct.

I will steer clear anyway. Thank you!

OP posts:
Rosehugger · 05/09/2022 12:11

It's not you, it's him, definitely odd.

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/09/2022 12:12

KettrickenSmiled · 05/09/2022 12:05

Is this a power thing?
The footpath incident - yes, definitely.
He didn't accidentally bump into you - he swerved to make it happen.

Is he odd?
Yes.
But sadly - not uncommon. Google "manslamming".

Or am I just over thinking things and he’s actually being pretty normal?
You are not overthinking.
Your instincts are shouting at you. Gavin de Becker would advise you to listen to them. www.amazon.co.uk/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0747538352?asin=0440508835&revisionId=&format=4&depth=1

He kept touching my arm to tell me something while I was part way through speaking to the head teacher,
Who DOES that?
And then to walk away halfway through your eventual reply?

This man is all about the dominance display. Please stop smiling at him.
Follow this link, & read the text on the metaphor of a woman in a bar -
www.jennisspace.com/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/

There's been a few responses while I was searching for links so I will hold back to see any updates & what PP have posted before rattling on ...

All of this! I knew it. Bloody fucker!

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 05/09/2022 12:22

All of this! I knew it. Bloody fucker!

That's the ticket OP!
Own your intuition, & own your right to stay well out of this creep's orbit.
HE DOES NOT GET TO BODYSLAM YOU & HE DOES NOT GET TO TOUCH YOUR ARM.

In case of future uncomfortable encounters, you might do well to have a short phrase or 2 ready if he touches you again.
"Mr Smith stop touching me"
"Mr Smith this is the third time you have gone out of your way to either touch me or slam into me. Do not do it again or I will escalate to the Head."
"Mr Smith I don't know why you keep giving me the evil eye & either deliberately bumping into me or touching me without consent, but it stops now. Understood?"

Don't wait for a response, just walk briskly away.
It's worth letting him know you have clocked his little game.

Ithinkiwanttobealone · 05/09/2022 12:27

This is really weird and makes me uneasy. He's making unwanted physical contact.

Talk to your friend. No more friendly smiles. You're not obliged to smooth over awkwardness with him, if anything else happens call him straight out on it "why are you touching me?"

Aussiegirl123456 · 07/09/2022 01:45

Update today: I was carrying two heavy boxes through the playground to drop off at the office. He said ‘let me take that’ and took the two boxes. Put them at my feet. Spoke for a minute (seemed normal ish) before he walked off…towards the office…without the boxes 🙄

OP posts:
Aussiegirl123456 · 07/09/2022 01:46

No touching though as I took a massive step back ensuring boxes were between us.

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 07/09/2022 02:13

That update makes him seem nastier. He could have forgotten and its all innocuous but its the interrupting/stopping you, the false promise, then getting you to put your undivided focus on him, then leave you confused, and you still have to deal with the original action.

Don't interact anymore. Sorry I can't stop! is a perfect response to everything with him. Hes messing with your head deliberately.

BirdWatch · 07/09/2022 02:22

He sounds like trouble to me, he took the boxes then left them? He sounds like a bully. For some reason he is targeting you, looking you up on LinkedIn with these off encounters. It could be that you resemble someone else that he hates. Like when a murderer always murder women/victims with (for example) dark hair?

BirdWatch · 07/09/2022 02:26

Not saying he is a murderer.

Cherryana · 07/09/2022 02:29

Hmmmm I agree with all the other advice regarding this is fucking weird and listen to your intuition.

Re: him looking at your linked in - Are you a teacher? Did you get a job he wanted at some point back in history? Even if you did, thermos no reason for his behaviour.

I wonder if there is something really off about him. Your headteacher friend should look again at his references and qualifications… he is acting in a way to draw attention to himself - like he wants to be caught.

Topseyt123 · 07/09/2022 02:32

He sounds creepy as fuck.

Steer clear as far as you possibly can. Perhaps discreetly let your friend know what you think is going on. Take her advice.

Personally, I think he needs to know you've clocked what he is doing and won't tolerate it. Tell him to STOP touching you and to BACK OFF if he approaches. If he deliberately barges into you when out in public say that if he continues to harass you and make you feel threatened then you will report him to the police.

Stop giving him smiles. That gives him entirely the wrong message and probably encourages his sense of power. Get used to brushing him off and showing no interest.

Topseyt123 · 07/09/2022 02:43

Aussiegirl123456 · 07/09/2022 01:46

No touching though as I took a massive step back ensuring boxes were between us.

If anything like that happens again then tell him firmly to leave you alone or you will report him to the headteacher/governors. Doesn't matter if you have to do it in a public area like the playground. It would tell him that you are serious about not tolerating his sleazy, bullying behaviour and won't be intimidated by it.

He would know that if a report went in and his intentions were made public then he would be in trouble and his job in a school would be untenable. It might just make him back off.

dalilicios · 07/09/2022 02:59

Oh dear he is weird