...to be completely fucked off & frustrated!

[Strongerthanme]

Hello Mumsnet
Hope you're all well.
In a nutshell (hopefully!) ....
Lived in my rented home for 5 years - me & DD who starts school in Sept.
Expensive place to live. Rent not too bad. I know lots of my neighbours-all lovely. Until last June had nightmare neighbours who made my life a misery (drugs, weapons, awful)
They moved out (did a runner) then peaceful again. Then new boy moved in over Christmas and partied hard with aggressive mates - complained to him to no avail & then his landlord. No issues since then (hoorah and touch wood) - new neighbours moved in the other side few weeks ago. Seemed lovely. Woken at 3am by party this morn. Went round and asked them to keep it down.
I'm no good on no sleep. And single hardworking parent.
I just feel like the most uptight neighbour ever. Constantly asking neighbours to keep it down.
Feel so on edge & anxious when new neighbours move in & now feel like it's 'who's going to have a party next?'
Can't afford to move & don't want to have to.
Want to speak to new neighbours & explain that me & DD need our sleep & please be mindful. Am I being OTT? Wish I wasn't a single parent sometimes. Just getting so fucked off and emotional about it all.
AIBU to invite new neighbours round for a glass of wine & saying how shit the last neighbours were & can they be respectful? Feel so 😱

[7SunshineSeven7]

I already love you because you actually go around and tell them to shut up x
I'd do it if I were you, laugh about the crappy neighbours and how thin the walls are while doing a big internal ''wink wink nudge nudge get the bloody point''.

[cafenoirbiscuit]

Yeah, befriend them and get them on-side. Hopefully they will think twice if they know you and have a relationship with you and DD. It's got to be worth a try!

[Strongerthanme]

Thanks 7sunshine!
I feel less grumpy boring & completely uncool now!

[Strongerthanme]

Thanks cafe
It is worth a go isn't it? Better pick up a bottle of vino tomorrow then....

[CookieDoughKid]

Yes. Go for it. Nothing to lose
Wish my neighbour invited me round for a glass of wine when I first moved in!

[CaspoFungin]

It might have been a one off, maybe it was a significant birthday for one of them, they're 30th maybe and they never normally have parties, hopefully it's that.

[dailymaillazyjournos]

I had a placement with a community mediation service. I wasn't there long but long enough to realise that working on creating a relationship with your neighbours is really helpful.

In disputes neighbours become 'the problem' and not 'the guy who lives upstairs' etc. If you know someone's name, what they do, their kids name, you've been invited in for a cuppa, they've offered to put your bins out/keep an eye on your cat when you go away for a day, they say hi and smile warmly when they see you etc, it's easier to feel more kindly disposed to that person/couple/family. If there are then any issues around noise it's far likely to be received nicely and not as "that f.......g idiot from No.2 has just asked me to keep the noise down'. Your neighbour is not then some faceless problem but Claire and her son Archie who they know something about.

An invite in for a cuppa and a biscuit and just to say hi and extend neighbourly intentions is a great idea. Then if there's any more racket you are starting out with an advantage when it comes to sorting things out. Also it might be an idea to tell them to be sure they let you know if you or ds are disturbing them. Sows the seeds for this also working the other way round too. Good luck.

[dailymaillazyjournos]

Forgot to say, when you invite them in for wine/cuppa or whatever I'd not tell them how crap your last neighbours were and can they be respectful because it then undoes the neighbourly intention of the invite. It would be obviously just to tell them (in a nice way) to keep a lid on any racket. Which of course you are understandably desperate to do. But I'd not be that obvious about it because they could just see it as a nicely extended warning in advance as it were and it could get their backs up. Might be a good start just to be friendly, ask them about the neighbourhood in general and what it's like to live in it etc and to be sure to let you know if your noise or anything disturbs them. And sorry you have a DD not a DS! Not reading carefully!

[Strongerthanme]

Thanks Daily
That's great advice & a really helpful post. Cheers.
I really hope it's a one off. This is our home & I like being mates with my neighbours. Don't want our only contact to be negative 'please shut up' type exchanges!

[dailymaillazyjournos]

Good luck on your mission. It's just so shit and makes life so hard when you are kept awake by noise from your neighbours. That placement was a huge eye-opener for me and in a short time I learned a lot that has come in very useful over the years when it comes to dealing with neighbours. The thing that really was hammered home in the training was that problems are best dealt with before they are even problems if that makes sense. To try as hard as you can to build a workable/friendly relationship with the people you share walls and doors with. Once things have reached the calling 101, solicitors letters and needing a referral to community mediation level, they are rarely sortable as both sides are way too murderous towards each other for any sort of compromise or truce.

[Strongerthanme]

Wowzers... They came over with apologies galore & a present for me today! Said they were really embarrassed & mortified!
Really hope they are for real !
Found myself saying 'oh don't worry, it's fine' when I wanted to say 'you were very very loud & please be mindful next time but hopefully there won't be another similar occasion!'

[Mulberry72]

Brilliant result Stronger! Hopefully things will be quieter for you from now on.

We had the same thing, from both sides (terraced house) and from across the back too! We ended up moving from a house that we'd fully refurbished and that we own outright to a rented house a mile away just to get away from them all.

[Strongerthanme]

Mulberry that absolutely sucks!
Some people are just utterly disrespectful & crap.
Hope you have some peace & quiet now.

[scottishdiem]

I think one party very occasionally is fine and dont know if I would go round the first time it happened (house warming maybe?) but you've been lucky that they are very nice and I hope that they continue to keep the volume down for you.

[dailymaillazyjournos]

Oh wow! Great result there. Here's to more peace and quiet AND SLEEP!